Photo of the Year

I took this photo sometime early in 2009. The location was a parking lot outside Sgt. Peppers restaurant in Woodbury, MN. I have no idea who left these diapers, or why they were left here, nor why there are two. All I know is this scene spoke to me.

I have tried all year to come up with a creative backstory to explain how these diapers ended up here, but I have been completely unsuccessful. I have tried to imagine every conceivable situation where two soiled diapers would be left on the base of a lightpost in a parking lot outside of a restaurant in suburban Minnesota, but I can't.

If the parents needed to change the diapers, wouldn't they have gone inside the restaurant? This is Minnesota - we are very kid accommodating, so even if you weren't eating here, they would let you use the restrooms to change the kids. Plus, it is really, really cold here. Wouldn't you want to change your kids inside instead of out in the parking lot? It doesn't make any sense - these were left not 30 feet from the entrance. All of this leads me to the conclusion that the kids were changed inside of the vehicle.

Call me crazy, but that sounds like a really, really tough thing to do. Even if it wasn't a poopy diaper, changing a kid in a vehicle seems tough. Plus - if they did change the kid in the car, did they stop somewhere to do this, or was the car in motion? If the car was stopped, why didn't they go inside? If they have to stop somewhere, why not at a gas station, or restaurant. If they didn't stop and the vehicle was in motion - that not only sounds tougher, but isn't it illegal and dangerous to take a kid out of a car seat to change them?

But perhaps the most perplexing part of this photo is why are there two diapers. Did the kid need to be changed twice? Or, were there two kids? From what I know about kids (limited), they don't typically behave so well when it comes to needing to be changed. Even if they were twins, it doesn't seem likely they would be on the same schedule - it seems too convenient. From the limited bit I know, if kids are one thing, it is unpredictable. The only explanation I can come up with is (a) it was one kid on a long trip and they had to be changed twice, without stopping the car or (b) they were siamese twins who share a significant portion of their digestive system and/or lower intestine, which forced them to have to go at the same time. If it was (b), though, it seems like the difficulties of changing kids while in a car would multiply.

I am looking for help from parents to explain this one to me. I am at a complete loss to come up with any sort of coherent answer for this image, or a reasonable explanation why two soiled diapers would be left side by side in a parking lot outside a restaurant in suburban Minnesota.

That is why it is my choice for Photo of the Year.

Happy 2010

Coming this Fall: Namaste, the TV Series

Last weekend, I went to the yoga studio in downtown Minneapolis. I like to yogasize occasionally in winter. I like the workout, but I also like all the drama. I am always amazed that for all the talk of inner peace, there is a lot of competition going on in the studio. Judgements abound: what type of matt do you use, where does your clothing come from, what brand of water bottle do you have, etc.

The class was predominantly female - probably 50 women in total - who could be divided into a few stereotypes, the most notorious being the Amazonian women. The Amazonians exhibit three traits: they are all very tall, very thin, and very competitive. They wear clothing to show off their ripped midsection and tramp stamps. Those without stamps typically haven't shaved their underarms lately; usually, but not always. They parade their toned physique and demand maximum space for their mats in their ritual of more-flexible-and-holier-than-thou in their fight to the top of the social pecking order. They try to intimidate what I call the normal woman, who are very nice and pleasant, and who are trying not to feel self-consciousness about wearing spandex. The there were the men. There were 13 were guys in the class, eight of which were definitely homosexual and three of whom were possibly. Nine of the guys were not wearing shirts; four of them should have been. Typically, they were much friendlier, though most of that was because they were looking for dates.

It was in the midst of all this drama, it hit me: This would be a great TV show.

Imagine a comedy set at a Yoga studio. I see it being a half-hour situation comedy. Think "Will and Grace" in a yoga studio. The drama and cattiness that have made reality shows like Project Runway and the Real Housewives such hits is all here, and it is ripe for the mocking. I just can't believe this has been picked on yet. It is somewhat formulaic, but it is one that works. It reunites that great comic pair - gossipy women and gay men.

I see the main characters would be:

Amy: Owner of the studio. Always trying to help her friends but her good intentions always fall short in execution, with hilarious results. Hopeless in love with Todd and devoutly loyal and supportive of her friends.

Todd: Amy's boyfriend and part time manager of the studio. He is putting him self through Medical School, and is somewhat skeptical of the some of the claims made by yoga practitioners, but he is deeply in love with Amy.

Electra: Alpha-female instructor. Obsessive in her quest to be the best and will do anything to stop those who challenge her. Sexually ambiguous - attracted to anyone who is hot and that she can dominate.

Blake: Flamboyantly gay, superficial, Man-ho of the yoga studio. Not particularly fit, but his humor and search for men keeps people coming back to his classes. He likes teaching beginner lady classes, so he can feel better about his chances with men.

Efren: The shy, gay, male instructor, who is approaches his yoga practice with respect and reverence. Very dedicated to his craft and wants to help others reach yoga enlightenment. The straight man to Blake's comic foil. Desperately looking for his true love.

Gary: Accountant who works next door; Does not believe in yoga nor particularly like the studio, but too timid to do anything about it. Think Lundergard from "Fargo"

The show will is set in Minneapolis. Why? Only three shows have taken place here: Mary Tyler Moore, Little House on the Prairie, and Coach, being the last one. We could make up a lot of jokes about the competition between Minneapolis and St. Paul. Since most people have never lived in either one, we could make up a lot of stuff. Plus, the idea of having a hot yoga class in a climate that is really cold makes me laugh.

Action takes place primarily in the Yoga studio. The series premier would focus on introducing the characters and the drama between Amy and Todd and their feelings about Yoga. Amy wants to open up the benefits of yoga to others, while Todd just considers it a cult. Other episode ideas include:

Ladies Only Classes: Amy gets the idea that they need to offer women only classes, to attract more women and make they feel more comfortable. Only problem is Electra is teaching them, and her alpha-instincts and belittling behavior make the women feel only worse. Blake doesn't like the idea and starts offering men-only classes to bring in more date prospects for himself.

Hot Yoga Intro: Efren gets the idea that they need to have a week of free hot yoga classes to get more people to try it out. It helps bring in business, but the only problem is most of the folks who show up are homeless people, who are looking to get out from the cold.

I think it will be a hit. Anyone who who has contacts in the business and is interested in representing me, drop me a line.

Namaste

Things I hate about winter

Tuesday night, we had the beginning of our first big snowstorm of the winter. We knew it was coming. We knew it could not be avoided. Still, the reality of seeing my car turned into a snowdrift made me sad.

I opened the trunk of my car and woke my trusty, giant sized, ice-scraper/snow-brush combo. I hated waking him up from his blissful six month hiatus, but like a true friend, he was ready to help me out when I needed him. After de-icing my car for the first of what will be many times this winter, and putting my ice-scraper to its designated spot inside the car, I realized, there are some things I really, REALLY, hate about winter.

Driving:

Top of the list has to be driving and all things road related. I hate having to be cautious, and I hate all the over-cautious drivers. As a Southerner, I really have no right to bitch about other drivers being safe; I was one of the slowest on the road when I saw those first flakes fall many years ago. But after a winter or two of practice, you learn how to drive in this stuff. Yes, you need to be cautious, watch your stopping distances, but some folks take it to the extreme. There is a big difference between being safe and being an complete wussy. I know, I know, all the locals say the same thing, "better late then dead" with an air of Scandinavian self-righteousness. Stuff like that makes me think "better punch them in the face then having to watch them prove themselves right."

The worst is the new snow. The roads get covered over and nobody knows where the lanes are really located. Amazingly, most people seem to deal: eventually visible tire-tracks form which are agreed upon by most drivers. I say most drivers. SUV a$$holes need not apply. Every new snow, they decide to act like Lewis and effing Clark and form their own trail across the road, spraying everyone with snow and jamming the makeshift lanes. Yes, you may technically be right and your car may be in the official lane, but when the snow comes down, it is "Lord of the Flies" time on the roads: you can only push it so far - the law won't help you here.

The "magic" of snow:

And speaking of new snow, every year I hear this crap about the "magic" of new snow. New snow is very pretty, but the "magic" is only a temporary state. It is only magical up till a week past Christmas. Once the holiday season passes, snow becomes one big pain in the ass you have to walk your drunken ass home through at 2am. By February, there is no magic left; it is just keeps going on and on. It is like going to a strip club, or watching a porno movie: after a while, enough is enough.

Insulation vs. Fat

Speaking of nekid bodies, sometime this winter, you will unexpectedly catch sight of your nekid self in the mirror and go "damn!", and not in a good way. Winter time brings added caloric intake, but at some point, you cross over from "adding seasonal insulation" to "its a new addition!". Yeah, no one likes this, myself included. The longer you live here the harder it is to avoid. You look for new and different ways to cover this up, which brings us to....

Sweaters:

I like clothes and I am not afraid to shop for new stuff. The item that I have the most trouble with is the one you need for the winter months: Sweaters. I have two problems with getting new ones. First is, I am very sensitive and ticklish. Any sort of heavy, scratchy wool is no good. I can feel it itching me through two other layers. Second, I have a deceptively big head. Its huge, actually. Borderline Shrek-head. I think I wear a size 7 3/4 hat, even with a haircut. Finding a sweater than can accommodate my cabeza takes a lot of work. Pretty much, it has to be a v-neck.

I found some warm, soft, v-neck sweaters and I guard them like gold. They are the only ones I can wear, and quite frankly, there are getting old. It makes me think, maybe I should live in a less sweater-dependent climate. Which brings me to my next complaint.

Realization that I could be living somewhere else:

I consider my best super-power the ability to sleep anywhere, anytime. I do not possess that survival instinct that prevents me from feeling comfortable in a strange bed or location. In primitive times, I would be dead meat. My only Kryptonite for sleep is when I really, REALLY, have something on my mind, which causes me to wake up at exactly 4am. Precisely 4am. No more than 1 minute off from this time. If I have some serious thinking to do, it will wake me up at 4am, and I am pretty much screwed for sleep the rest of the night.

Why do I bring this up? Because more than once I have been woken up at 4am thinking "there isn't any reason you couldn't be living on a beach." It is not a thought to easily push out of your mind when you are wrapped up to your nose in flannel sheets. I have been woken up by this realization several times over the past year - or by its close cousin - "what is stopping you from living in Vegas? You like Vegas? Why not live there!"

Anyway, that is my bitch of the day. I was able to get home, accident free, after an hour of driving a 20 minute commute. I know winter won't be so bad once I get into it. It is very pretty here and there is still lots to do even with the cold. Just so long as I don't have to drive there....

Happy Winter

The a-hole approved car

The other night I was out to dinner with a friend and we got on the topic of cars. Not really cars, but bad drivers. Or rather, a$$hole drivers. The stories were entertaining but what really made it memorable was that all our stories seemed to start the same way:

"I was driving down the road and some a$$hole in a 3-series BMW…"

Think about your own encounters with an a$$hole driver, and I'll wager at least half of them involve a 3-series bimmer. It is the a$$holes choice of car.

I'm not saying that everyone who drives a 3-series is an a$$hole. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least three friends who drive a 3-series, and they are very nice people and courteous drivers. But there is a segment of the population out there who drives likes a$$holes, and the care they seem to drive most is the 3-series.

The only reason I can think of why has to do with the status. BMW makes fantastic cars. They are (usually) styled very well and their performance is impressive. Driving one denotes a certain status or success. The average BMW costs more than the average household income in the US. I don't think a$$hole behavior is as prevalent with 5-series, 7-series, etc, drivers. I only see it with the 300's. It is the lowest price model, making it more accessible to a larger portion of the jerk population.

3-series owners drive like NBA players showboat: They act like childish jerks and they want everyone to notice; they want street cred. Whenever I see one on the road today, I instinctively think "a$$hole alert!", and take defensive steps immediately. They have a bad reputation, which provokes an instantiations dislike for them, and an unwillingness of other drivers to show them any kindness on the road. As a result, this causes more a$$hole behavior from them, which continues the spiral.

Meanwhile, other jerky drivers slip by under the radar, their numbers in other models of cars are too small to notice. The really clever ones drive cars you would never suspect an a$$hole driver to own. They perform unbelievable acts of a$$holeness on an unsuspecting motorists. They get away with it because no one expects this behavior, except from a 3-series driver.

Which is why I drive a Volvo.

Happy driving.

Forecast for snow and stupidity

On Baseball's opening day in 2008, I bitched about how stupid it was for the city to build a new stadium for the Minnesota Twins without a retractable dome. It was snowing that day. Lots. 6-8" of snow. This is not unexpected on opening day, in this part of the country.

Season Opener for Stupidity

We were told not to worry; the real problem with snow and bad weather was at the beginning at the season, not the end. As anyone who watched the national weather reports today, or who has a friend in Minnesota knows, it is snowing here. Again. It is early in the season for us to have snow, but it is not completely unexpected. Had this been 2010, and if the Twins had a closer, we would be facing a possible snow-out in upcoming playoff games.

There is really nothing new to bitch about now. The stadium is scheduled to open next Spring, and if we keep our existing team, there is a distinct possibility we will have to deal with snow in a playoff game next year. And unlike snow-outs at the beginning of the season, when you have to make up games at the end of the season, the longer it takes to play, the colder and more unpleasant it gets.

When the Milwaukee Brewers needed a new stadium, they also hit up the State; five counties had to increase their sales tax by 0.1% to pay for the $400 million in construction costs. The stadium was finished in 2001. It has a retractable dome. The stadium for the Twins costs more; its projected cost is $522 million ($390 for the stadium, the rest on infrastructure improvements), also paid for by a sales tax increase. It costs more and it does not have a retractable dome.

I never would have thought folks in Wisconsin were smarter than us (or that we were stupider than them), but apparently I was wrong. Very wrong. They got a stadium that costs 20% less, plus a roof for free. Plus it holds more people.

My apologies to everyone in the Badger State for any disparaging comments I have every made to you, or your state.

Signs of Mystery

So I stopped by the US Bank branch in NE Minnie today, and I saw this sign in the parking lot. At first I didn't pay too much attention to it, but then it hit me - something is very, very odd about this sign.

It was Saturday afternoon, not during banking hours, and I was using the ATM. My total trip would be (I hoped) under 5 minutes. So in terms of the requirements of the sign, I was obeying the man.

What struck me as odd is who is supposed to use this spots during all other times?

The sign specified ATM use during non-banking hours. What about during banking hours? What about for customers who actually have business in the bank - they are not allowed to park here? This and the ones next to it are prime spots - equivalent to the handicapped spots. What about people who park here to use the ATM during banking hours? Are they in violation of the sign? It sure seems so.

I have no grand conclusions to pull from this episode, aside that it supports my grand unification theory of humanity: the idiots are taking over and we are all doomed.

As for my visit to the ATM, the machine was out of money. I don't know if that makes me in violation of the sign as I did not actually get to use the ATM. Eh, it is good to be a rebel now and then.

Happy banking

The Laziness Quotient

There is a coke machine very close to where I sit at work. It is on the main hallway of the first floor. It charges $1.35 for a 20 oz bottle of Coke. On the second floor, the vending machines charge $1.25, 10 cents less, for the same bottle.

Both vending machines are run by the same company, but there is a difference in price. Someone has figured out my laziness quotient.

I discovered this price disparity by accident. I wanted a Dr. Pepper, which was only available on the second floor vending machines. It was there I noticed this price difference. Why, I asked myself, why would the same company charge two different prices for exactly the same item?

There was only one reason - because they knew I was lazy.

They knew they could extract an extra dime out of me because I was too lazy to walk upstairs and save an extra 10 cents. And they are right. When I need a Coke fix, I rarely make the trip to the second floor.

I give them credit for their ingenuity. They have figured out how much my time and effort are worth and they have extracted a price premium because of it. So what is my laziness quotient? At what point will I be willing to put out the effort to save money? I tried to find out:

There are three factors at work here: money, time and effort.

Money: How much is the difference between the two options - the lazy one and the discounted item? In this case 10 cents.

Time: How much longer does it take me to get the coke from upstairs? It takes me 13 seconds to get from my desk to the 1st floor Coke machine (assuming there is no traffic). To get to the second floor machine, it takes 1:37 seconds (again, assuming no traffic). Transaction time is a wash, so the difference is: 97-13=84 x 2 (return trip) = 168 seconds, or 2:48.

Effort: The big difference in effort is really the stairs. There are 23 steps I have to walk up to get to the next floor (I know- it doesn't seem right. The first set of stairs has 12 steps to the mid-point landing, but the second set has only 11. I find this very odd at a company full of engineers, but I double checked: 23 steps.) So with the return trip, there are 46 stairs to be navigated.

So by my thinking, the laziness formula would be in the structure of the following:

(x*168) + (y*46) = (z*0.1)

Where x, y and z are the coefficients which need to be solved.

I'll be looking for other settings to gather data to solve this one. I think sporting events would be a good venue. In the meantime, I will try to figure out why on earth soda bottles are so large nowadays (remember when 16oz containers were considered large?) and what is the theoretical limit of the amount of coke one person should drink at a sitting.

Happy Laziness!

Revenge of the interviewed!

Thursday I had another internal interview. I was surprised to get an email about this job. Actually, I was surprised the email I got about the job was an invitation to discuss it. I thought the note I received would have been a rejection. I'll explain why:

First, it was for a job that was listed several job grades above my level; the fellow who had the job was an internal legend who was just promoted to Director (which at my employer is equivalent to being elected Pope). Second, it was in the Automotive division, one which I have never worked nor had any contact. Granted I do drive a car, but that doesn't qualify as industry experience. Lastly, it was managing the adhesives portfolio, which I have not marketed. Those of you who know me know of my fondness for tape (such a fun toy!), and during the slow hours of trade shows, I have used the adhesive guns to create complex structures of wood and ear plugs. But that is really more of arts and crafts activity and not really marketing (close, but not quite).

So why was I selected to discuss this position? I have no idea. I didn't think my chances were good to get this job, so I spent absolutely zero time preparing. I was chosen for a reason, or as a mistake; either way I could not reasonably address these gaps in the 36 hours between being notified and the interview. Instead, my "prep" involved having a coke and a pack of twix bars.

Adding to my handicap, I forgot an umbrella, so both me and my suit got thoroughly wet. Even after toweling off, I smelled like dog. So with all this going against me, I went in to meet the Director. She was very nice and pleasant, but direct and a bit hurried; she was leaving for three weeks in Asia the next day. She asked me before we get started, do I have any questions?

I couldn't resist.

"Yes, one. Why are you interviewing me?"

I don't know why I said it. I do have a tendency to state the obvious, or ask the simple questions that we should know the answer to, but that we often don't. Or, maybe it was just the frustration of the job search; I had lost out on a job the previous week, which I thought I would have been an obvious choice. Whatever my reason was, I put the questions down as a strike back for all of us who are looking for jobs and have had to put up with this mindless, painful process.

Needless to say, that was not the question she was expecting. She was a bit surprised, until I pointed out the reasons I was not a fit. Then something remarkable happened. She then looked at the notes she had made on my resume and says, "yes, now I remember. I thought you would be a good fit because..." and she then proceed to tell me why I was right for a position for which I am clearly under qualified (not to mention that I smell like wet dog).

I have been told that the secret to interviewing is to get the interviewer to like you, that way they will be more forgiving of the parts of your background that do not fit. I think I did the next best thing; I got her to tell me why I was the right fit for the job.

The rest of the interview went well. We talked about the challenges of the auto industry; I was fairly up yo date on what was going on thanks to "The Economist" (turns out we are both junkies of that publication).

I have no idea how it will go or if I will get this job. I have had better interviews, but none where I felt so relaxed. I'll see how that goes - if nothing else, it was worth a shot.

Round 7

Just a quick update on the work front for me. Today, I found out I have be re-re-re-re-re-re-extended (or re^7). Yes, I know. It is hard for me to believe, too. This extension will be for another month, which may sound brief, but it is endlessly superior to the week long extensions. This last month has felt like a vacation, in comparison.

I am still working here on a very interesting project, in an area where I have very little knowledge. That is, until the last few weeks. It has been a bit of info overload, but it is fun to learn about this new market, and there is no shortage of info available.

I'm working for a friend, which has been great. It has been easy to work for him - he gives good direction, he doesn't like to micromanage, and he keeps me in the loop - all the things you want from a good boss. Plus - he has been a good guy to talk to about work, jobs, and what I want to do next. I can't say enough good things about him; this has been another example of how kind folks have been to me during this job transition period. I am very fortunate and appreciative.

Thanks to all for all the help

My pick for the 2016 Summer Olympics

In one week, the International Olympic Committee (in all its corrupt glory) will pick the host city for the 2016 Olympics. Dozens of cities entertained and considered the idea, but the decision will go to one of four cities: Chicago, Madrid, Rio de Janeiro, and Tokyo.

The selection process for Olympic host cities ranks at the top of my list of favorite things, right up there with the "In Memory" section of the Oscars and the Scripts National Spelling Bee. It is one of those things I have a compulsion to read and learn about as much as possible. From the rebirth of the modern Olympic Games, choosing the host city has involved politics, human rights, intimidation and war - all those things that make life so interesting.

Within the IOC's charter, they modestly state their purpose is in part to "promoting a peaceful society concerned with the preservation of human dignity." Anyone who has studies the history of Olympic host locations knows this total excrement. The IOC favors dictatorships - plain and simple. Compare the inefficiency and incompetence of recent games run in democracies (e.g. Atlanta 1996, Athens 2004) versus the preparations for Beijing 2008, where they were ready over one year in advance. Promoting democracy may fill the seats, but they don't get the stadium built on time.

The Olympics for a long time were a money losing event. Montreal who hosted the games in 1976 did not pay off the accumulated debts until 2006, 30 years after the closing ceramonies. Financial difficulties were minor compared to how the Olympics could be used as a political venue, peacefully in Mexico City in 1968, tragically in Munich in 1972. Since WWII, it wasn't until Los Angeles in 1984 that the games could be (A) profitable, (B) safe and (C) hosted in a democracy.

Since then, the bidding for the games has grown intense. Voting is conducted in rounds, with the city with the lowest vote total being eliminated, until a winner remains. Allegations of bribery and corruption have surfaced in recent selections (Salt Lake City 2002 Winter Olympics). All of this is backdrop, leading up to the voting on Oct 2nd in Copenhagen where one of four cities will be chosen to be the center of the world stage for two weeks in 2016.

Not that anyone cares, but it is my opinion that there is clearly only one choice for the Olympic Games in 2016: Rio de Janeiro.

I have no counter arguments or reasons to use against the other cities. I think Chicago would be interesting, but if it was to be in the US again, I would prefer a location with more dramatic natural beauty (San Francisco, Boston, Seattle...). Spain showed the world it could throw a party in 1992 (I think it is still going on), but there are a lot of other places in Europe which haven't held the games in a long time (it has been almost 90 years since they have been in France, and it was a Frenchman who revived the games). Tokyo put on a good games in 1964, and I am sure they would again. But it is not someplace new, and it isn't long enough to make it seem like we need to go back. I base my choice of Rio on two reasons:

1. Democracy: The IOC touts the granting of the games as a coming of age for developing countries. It is a reward, they claim, for progressing to a developed, functioning democracy, which respects human rights. Recent examples cast doubt on this claim (Soviet Union 1980, South Korea 1988, China 2008. Yes South Korea. Please note, South Korea was awarded the games on Sept 30, 1981, when it was under the despotic and violent rule of Chun Doo-hwan). The only instance where it has ever been remotely true that the games are a reward for democracy is with Barcelona in 1992, who hosted the games 17 years after Franco and his dictatorship died.

Like Spain, Brazil has managed to transition itself from a government of largely cruel and incompetent military dictators into a functioning, stable democracy. It managed a peaceful transition of power in 2002, to an extremely liberal government, who nevertheless kept sound financial policies in place. In 2008, for the first time ever, it became a net creditor to other nations. Problems of poverty and crime still exist in Brazil, but the accomplishments are worth celebrating. It would be nice when the IOC says they support the harmonious development of man, that they actually mean it.

2. Location: The original Olympics started in Europe, as did the Modern Olympic games. Since they were reformed, they have not left their ancestral continent very much. The 2012 games in London will be the thirtieth games scheduled. Of those games, three have been canceled do to World Wars (Berlin 1916, Tokyo 1940, London 1944). Of the 27 remaining games, nearly 60% will have been held in Europe. North America has the next most games (six of 27), Asia has had three, and Australia has had two. Australia: Less than 0.5% of the worlds population and they have had two games.

By contrast, the games have never been held in South America or Africa (or Antarctica). Yes, Antarctica, with no indigenous population has hosted the games as many times as South America. South America, with 6% of the worlds population has yet to host a game. They have tried many times in the past, unsuccessfully. Most of their bids have not gotten them to the final round, although Buenos Aires has been a bridesmaid on a few occasions. For the 31st games, I think it is time that the fifth most populist counties in the world, and one with a stable, functioning democracy, which has shown respect for human rights, be allowed to be at the center of the world stage.

Good luck in Copenhagen. I wish I could vote for you.

The Hangover Effect

One of my favorite things about this summer's movies was seeing washed out stars making cameo comebacks in comically misplaced rolls. Lou Ferrigno and Mike Tyson both made strong showings with their bit parts in "I love you, man" and "The Hangover". It took the public person of two well known, but off the main stream personalities and put them in comedic situations with great results. Imagine, trying to pick a fight with Lou and getting put in a sleeper hold, or getting a high five from Mike Tyson for stealing a cop car ("yeah, we've all done some crazy s#it!" - ha ha ha!) It was comedy GOLD!

This is a trend I would like to see continue. To help facilitate this process, I am suggesting five can't miss light-hearted, summer comedies, with comedic cameos.

"Address Unknown"
Seth Rogan is working in a post office, but wants to make it as a comedian. He is trying to do the right thing, earning a living at his day job so he can pursue his dream at night. He has a lot of coworkers who want him to success, and whom he tests his jokes out on every day. The only problem is he works with some of the dullest, most unfunny people on the planet. Each day is a new frustration as the jokes his coworkers like bomb in front of an audience. But in between this hilarity, he has to deal with unruly customers at his counter. Enter Steven Seagal. While Seth tries to explain a joke to a coworker at another booth, Steven Seagal gets more and more impatient as he waits his turn in line. When he finds out that they are out of a certain stamp, a quietly enraged Seagal, promises to send Seth "straight to hell!" as he pummels him through the window. Hilarity ensues.

"Rate of Return"
Vince Vaughn plays a fast talking, NYC, investment banker. He is a good guy at heart, but he works for a firm that engages in questionable behavior, which he never challenges. Vince finds himself out of work when his firm goes bankrupt; they were taking by the same scam that they had been perpetrating on their customers. Now, out of work, Vince must confront his own shortcomings and what he could have done to prevent this situation. Vince goes to a bar to try to get some perspective, talking to whoever will listen. Enter Sean Penn, circa his David Kleinfeld look in "Carlito's Way". As Vince tells him his story, Sean listens politely. As the story of Vince's misdeeds are shared, Sean realizes he is one of the customers who had been bankrupted by Vince. He then goes old school and attacks Vince like he is the paparazzi, and, well, hilarity ensues.

Period Piece with Gweneth Paltrow
This is one that would actually not be a light hearted comedy, at least not intentionally. The movie would be the latest installment or a Jane Austin novel, or some other period piece, which would star Gweneth Paltrow. It would be a serious movie, with an all star cast, with one special actor: Warren Sapp. He would play a minor role in the movie - Gweneth's man servant or something. No explanation would be made how a very large African American, with a US accent, would be in 18th century England. Sapp would play the role straight, but still, it would be very, very funny. Everyone in the audience would be wondering "What is Warren Sapp doing in the movie? Is this supposed to be a comedy? What is he doing- is he going to tackle someone?" It would be hilarious!

"Love Intervention"
The always funny Jeanne Garafolo is a personal dating coach, who can't get her own love life right. She gives people advice on dating and relationships all day long, and goes home to an empty apartment and spends the night trying to figure out what is wrong with her own love life. Until, that is, she meets her dream man, who just happens to be her patient. She has to figure out a way to turn this patient into her special friend, in a comedic way. In between her planning, she has appointments with others looking for help. Enter Linda Florentina, circa her character from "The Last Seduction". She is repentant now and trying to figure out why she can't hold onto a good man once she finds one. Comedy ensues!


"School of Rock 2"
Jack Black revives his role from School or Rock, for a sequel. It is seven years since the last movie, and Jack is trying to make it producing other musical acts. Enter Sylvester Stallone circa his country music singing character in "Rinestone". He is still trying to make it as a country western singer, and he is auditioning for Jack, hoping that he can finally take him to the big time. I have no idea how the rest of the movie will play out, but hilarity will ensue.

Why I don't support Obama's Health Care reform

For the past few months, I have kept silent on the topic of health care reform and the presidents proposals. I have felt his policies, while well intentioned, have been misguided and naive. Today he was in Minneapolis making his pitch for health care reform. Since he is coming to my town to state his views, I have decided to break my silence and share my views.

First off, I applaud Obama for addressing this very serious issue. Medical bills are the number one cause of personal bankruptcy in this country. Too many folks are loosing their health insurance because they are being laid off, and there is a good chance they may not get them from their new employer. It is a serious issue which needs to be addressed.

What I disagree with is the way the new policies are being structured; specifically, there are three major flaws I see, which make his policies unacceptable. For those of you who doubt my any of my statements, I have included my sources for your reference:

1. Lack of tort reform for medical malpractice:

One reason health care costs are so high is that doctors often prescribe tests that are not necessary. This is done for two reasons. First, doctors are paid by the number of tests they perform, not the number of patience they see, and second, liability concerns. This results in unnecessary costs being added to the system. This is a cause of high health care, which is not be addressed in Obama's cure. The current proposed "cure" is to provide health care to everyone in its current, inefficient, expensive form. It is addressing a symptom, not the cause, of high health care costs. ("Life is Expensive", The Economist, May 28, 2009; "Heading for the Emergency Room", The Economist, June 25th, 2009)

2. No incentive to get healthy:

The best case scenarios for health care reform put the price at over $1 trillion. History suggests the true figure will be 5-10 times higher. By the best case estimates of $1 trillion, this will amount to a budget deficit of 5.5% of GDP in 2019, assuming the economy recovers next year. Yet for all this money, there appears to be no programs or funding designed to reward for healthy lifestyles, or programs to improve the public health. If health care becomes a "right" of all Americas, it is unlikely that folks will take better care of their health. Likely, it would get worse, knowing there is a safety net to protect and take care of them. Again, like the idea of tort reform, the proposed policy does not address the cause - Americans by and large lead unhealthy lifestyles; the proposed policy only attempts to provide an inefficient and expensive "cure". ("Will the Blue Dogs Bolt?", The Economist, June 18, 2009; "Falls the Shadow", The Economist, July 23, 2009)

3. The United States Postal Service vs. FedEx

Obama's policy provide for a government sponsored health insurance option. Nothing should strike fear into the hearts of Americans more. Our government has proved time and time again that it can not adequately deliver services that address the public's need. Anyone who doubts this need only look at one organization: The US Postal Service. If the USPS addressed the needs of the public, FedEx would not exist today. The USPS had the infrastructure, the people and the resources to establish an overnight delivery service, but they didn't. Private enterprise did. It identified a need and delivered a service which started with a concept in 1973 to a company that generates $35 billion in revenue today. All of this could have been the USPS's, but it is not. Public services do not face the pressure of market forces to adapt, evolve and change. Defenders of the USPS claim it was never intended to be an overnight delivery service; if that was really true, they would not be offering that service today (36 years too late).

The government needs to stick to its charter: establish the laws of the land. If the requirement is that all Americans need to carry some form of health insurance, pass the law which mandates this requirement; let private enterprise deliver the service. As with Auto Insurance, Progressive and Geiko have been able to deliver services, profitably, to those considered insurable. This is what the private sector does best; it is not what the US government has ever been able to do.

Tale of the Tapes

One of the oddities about my job situation right now is that there are days where I have nothing do to. This past Friday was spend basically waiting at home for the call to see if I was going to be employed next week (or not). With not much else to do, and finding it difficult to focus on anything requiring real thought, I embarked on one of my many cleanup projects.

I had been working on cleaning up my bedroom mostly - lots of things that need to be organized. Projects already completed include the magazine cleanup (cut out all the articles I wanted to keep) and updating my coin collection (seriously). The project to be addressed Friday morning - the box of mystery!

I'm not sure what was in the box. I put it beside my bookcase many years ago as a temporary placement, to be addressed that weekend. That turned into next weekend. Then the weekend after that. Etc. Whatever was originally in the box, got covered by other stuff. And more stuff. Etc. You get the idea. Anyway, its time had come.

Once I got into it, most of the stuff was useful, but it just needed a permanent home: clothes for glassblowing, wraps and clothing from boxing (I did the workout - I didn't take a punch. I'm not completely stupid), plus mail dated from 2004 (which got tossed - if it hasn't come up by now, it ain't worth reading). Down at the bottom was one surprise - a bag of old cassette tapes.

I have two cases for cassette tapes that are full. I am not buying a third. I had to call for cuts. Approximately 37 tapes would have to go in order for everything to fit. With nothing better to do, I went down the musically journey into my past.

Throwing out the old tapes was fairly easy: anything that I already had on CD, or other electronic version would be trashed, baring any emotional attachment to the tape. Mix tapes were spared, as they represent a unique time and place, or someones music collection that I had raided. Some of the notable mix tapes which I discovered included:

• The "Mother of all Cheese" collection, courtesy of Chippy's vast knowledge of 80's music


• "A collection of really neat songs" volumes 1-3. What GC3 didn't know about naming mix tapes, he made up for in quality of music


• "John 'Sitting Duck' Surles greatest hits" I roomed with a country music fan in college for a year and a half. I used to make fun of his music, but eventually it kinda grew on me. I never admitted this fact, and I made this tape without his knowledge. I guess the word is out now.

Some of tapes that made it were quite surprising. I didn't realize that a bunch of my favorites I only owned in this second rate, plastic format, such as:

• "Chronic Town" by REM


• "Kick" by INXS


• "Never mind the Bollocks here's the Sex Pistols" by the Sex Pistols


• "Sonic Temple" by The Cult


• "Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straits


• Billy Idol's self titled debut


• Several albums by the Beatles


• Every pre-Hagar Van Halen album


• "Double Platinum" by Kiss (laugh if you must, but you have rocked to these songs, too. Admit it.)

What was left is a sad collection mostly of really bad, no talent, hair-metal bands. I'm quite embarrassed. None of these albums were really worth owning at the time. I'm sure the checkout guy at the record store still laughs at me to this day for some of these purchases. So for your reading amazement, I give you, my own personal tale of the tapes - the regrettable collection of music that in one point in my life I thought was good enough to possess a copy:

• "Stay Hungry" by Twisted Sister


• "Fire of Unknown Origin" by Blue Oyster Cult


• "Dawn Patrol" by Night Ranger


• "Savage Amazement" by the Scorpions (sadly not "World Wide Live")


• "Bat out of Hell" by Meatloaf


• "I'm too sexy" (Single) by Right Said Fred (I kinda want to put this in the surprise category)


• Judas Priest Live


• "90210" by Yes


• "The Stroke" by Billy Squire


• Whitesnakes self titled debut


• The Best of a Flock of Seagulls (yeah - how did they come up with nine songs to fill the tape?)


• "Pyromania", "High n' Dry" and "Hysteria" by Def Leppard


• Roy Orbison: 12 of his best (how it ended up with the rest of this collection, I'll never know)


• "Metal Health" by Quiet Riot (But it only cost me $1 - the price tag was still on it)


• Two Post-David Lee Roth Van Halen Albums


• "Turn back the clock" by Johnny hates Jazz (ummm....)


• "Tribute" by Ozzy Osborn and Randy Rhodes


• "Open up and say .... ahhh!" by Poison


• Six albums by Rush (does it really matter which ones? They all sound the same)


• Three by Triumph (ditto here)


• "No Tellin' Lies" by Zebra (yeah - who??!)


• "Dos" by Gerardo (you know the "Rico Suave" dude. This was his follow up album; it should have been titled "Fin")

And finally, for Tammie and all of those of you who know the story of my first time my car was broken into:

• "Out of the Cellar" by Ratt

Rock on Metalheads!

Pulling a Costanza on the job search

Latest on the job search for me - oh, where to begin. Last Friday was to be my last day; I had been extended on a special project, in a different division. It was a good project, and I had a lot of fun, but it was not going to be a full time job. I knew the last day was coming, and that was to be last Friday.  

However, last week a ton (relatively speaking) of internal jobs came up, but because of the short timeline, I didn't think there would be any chance for me to interview or get them before my last day (Aug 14). The good news for me was my HR manager knew the hiring manager for one of them, and as it turns out I was one of their top candidates.  She was able to get me an interview with him Thursday. I found out late Friday that I would be getting at least a weeks extension for formally interviewing for this job. Yes, cutting it close, again.

I was expecting to have interviews this week, but so far, nothing. I know the guy was busy, but I was hoping to at least get the interviews scheduled. In the meantime, I was able to get an informational interviewed for another job that I had applied to that I found very interesting. This job search for me has all about doing things I am not comfortable doing. In the immortal words of George Costanza, I am doing the complete opposite of my natural instincts in the job search, and it is serving me very well.  

For example, when I found out my job had been eliminated, my natural instinct would have been not to tell anyone about it. But what good would that have done? What is the point? So, I pulled a Costanza, did the complete opposite, and told everybody. Turns out, that is what got me my temporary assignment and kept me employed for three more months. Yeah, I would say that worked out well for me.

So, when this latest job popped up I figured I wouldn't have the time to interview, so I was going to let it go without pushing on it. But then again, why do that? Time to pull another Costanza. I not only called the hiring manager to make my case, but I set up an informational interview with him on Monday - during his only free 30 minutes he had during the entire day. I was not expecting him to accept, or if he did, I figured he would not have time to meet. Whatever - what is the worst that can happen - I don't get the job?  Turns out he did accept the invite and we did meet, and we got along great. He wants to bring me in for interviews next week.

I have no idea where this will go. I am scheduled to have my last day (again - the fifth one), Friday. It may extend for another week - maybe not. Something else might come up to extend it further. Whatever happens, I will be doing the opposite of what I think I should be doing when it comes to finding a job.

The 11th hour, again

Just a quick job update note.  It is the proverbial 11th hour for me (again).  My last day of my third extension is due to be tomorrow (Friday), which will ironically be my nine year anniversary here.  It is my expectation that this will be my last day with my employer.

But then again, it may not.

I had applied for a job internally about a week or so ago; I was not expecting them to be interviewing for it quite yet, but thanks to some favors being called in by my (kick @ss) HR manager, I found out Wednesday that I would be interviewing today.  I am not sure how it went - I think I was a little too energized.  But, I'll find out soon if I did well enough to go to the final round of interviews.  That would mean another extension.  Seriously.  There may also be another opportunity in the works, which could conceivably keep me here, as well, too.  The timeline may not work out, but I'll know more about that tomorrow, too.  

So, once again, facing my final day, I am not sure what will happen, again.  But through this whole process, I can not get over how nice and helpful folks have been to someone in need (aka me).  Even if neither of these work out, I'll walk away feeling that I did my best to explore every possible opportunity here and that everyone I know who said they would help, really tried to help.  I will leave with no complaints or hard feelings.

Should be an interesting next 20 hours for me.

Re-re-extended at work

Just a quick post to loyal BS readers that I am still (temporarily) employed. The one and only Danielle got me another re-re-extension (she is the greatest!), for another two weeks here. But I think this will be the last one.

The division that is paying for me has indicated in can not keep me on, and nothing has developed internally, so I will most likely be unemployed after Aug 14th. Interestingly, my first day of work here was also Aug 14th, nine years ago. Symbolism? Maybe - if you buy into that stuff. I'm not putting any meaning to it at all. What I know is that the sponsoring division has said they could not keep me on the books and that is it.

Now, things have changed before, so who knows. Also, there are other things going on outside, so maybe something good will come up soon. I for one am kinda looking for this to be over. I like being employed (and feeling useful), but the short term nature makes it tough to plan ahead: will I be here next month? will I not? what will I be doing? etc. Sometimes you need to rip of the bandage, and as unpleasant and sad as it will be to leave, that might need to happen.

On the plus side, I will have much more time for posting stories! My day has been too busy between working and finding work to get in a lot of fun or adventures, to say nothing of writing about them.

Thanks again to Danielle - she is the greatest. I am working on a large statue in her honor.

Beware of the Chick Flicks!

There have been two surprise hit movies this summer, "I Love You, Man" and "The Hangover", which have been drawing in big crowds since their release.  Their success has baffled the experts prompting waves of stories on why are these movies successful.  For those of you who haven't figured it out, let me explain why these two movies have been hits:  

They are secretly "Chick Flicks" in disguise.  

Let me explain.

Chick Flicks are movies designed to appeal to a female audience.  The theme is always the same - the central character has trouble with a relationship/friendship, and turns to others for help, and through a series of loosely tied together scenes, understanding is reached with a happy resolution in the end.  Usually, but not always, this happens at a wedding.

Sound familiar?

(By contrast, in a Guy Movie, the central character has trouble with authority/establishment, uses guns, he works alone but picks up a busty babe along the way, and through a series of loosely tied together scenes, understanding is reached through the use of guns, violence and car chases.     Usually, but not always, this happens at the docks/train station/airport (something transportation related).)

"I Love You, Man" and "The Hangover" are both Chick Flicks, but with guys in the lead roles, not women.  By doing so, they have cleverly doubled the potential population of those willing to see this movie (e.g. both men and women).  Chicks are driving the traffic and popularity of these movies.  They make for an (apparently) effective compromise movie, but in reality, guys, you are being dragged to a chick movie. 

If you don't believe me, go to IMDB.com and look at the breakdown of votes by gender.  While more guys than women have voted, woman have given both movies the higher overall rating.  Find me a movie staring a Schwarzenegger, Stallone, or Willis where this is true. 

I found them both entertaining - better than I thought, but not as raunchy as I was expecting.  I did like the fact that both of them had washed out muscle guys (Lou Ferrigno and Mike Tyson) in comedic roles (see upcoming post on this).  But deep down, they disappointed.  They are one and done movies, never to be seen again.  Me, I'm waiting for "Inglorious Bastards."

Happy viewing

4 Exercises to Sharpen Your Brain

Number 3 is my excuse as to why I obsessively play with tape and rubber bands. I am not fidgeting; I am stimulating the brain. That is my excuse and I am sticking with it. Oh - and it is why I mangle movie tickets, too.

Thanks Dr. Mao and Yahoo Health:

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4 Exercises to Sharpen Your Brain

By Dr. Maoshing Ni - Posted on Fri, Jun 19, 2009, 1:12 pm PDT

Think of your brain as a muscle: It gets stronger with exercise. Your everyday mental tasks are like walking, but how about a real workout? Try these simple exercises to boost your brain power and clear away the fog of forgetfulness.

1. Use your non-dominant hand: Tackling new tasks improves brain capacity in younger people and has a restorative effect on mental faculties that are declining. Boost your brain power right now by performing everyday activities with your non-dominant hand. If you're right-handed, use your left hand to eat, drink, comb your hair, and brush your teeth. Try writing your name with your non-dominant hand or put your mouse pad on the other side of the keyboard.

Why does this work? The human brain starts declining after the age of 30 especially in women with each successive pregnancy. By exercising your brain through the use of non-dominant hand, you are stimulating the opposite side of the brain and activating blood flow, which slows down the brain aging process and improves mental capacity. Evidence from functional brain imaging shows that the process of neuroplasticity -- the brain's natural ability to form new connections -- can be enhanced by studying new things, especially hand-eye coordinated exercises like developing the use of your non-dominant hand and practicing visualization meditation. For an effective guided visualization that will also increase your years, check out Meditations to Live to Be 100.

Stimulating communication between the two hemispheres even helps physical balance. Mind-body exercises like tai chi coach people to use the right and left side of the body equally. Try switching it up in sports. For instance, in tennis, switch the racquet to your non-dominant side and play.

2. Work out your brain: You have to use it or lose it! You can work out your mind just like you work out your body. Mental exercises that will keep your brain fit include doing crossword puzzles, playing chess, or memorizing names, shopping lists, and phone numbers. When I was a young boy, to keep my brain function strong, my father had me memorize Tang Dynasty poetry. Every day I had to memorize a new poem and recite it back. Learn the words to a poem or a new song and repeat them back from memory. Set aside the calculator and add manually instead. Keep challenging yourself with tasks that are new to you.

Whatever mental exercise you choose, the key to success is to practice every day at the same time; you are developing and activating new neural pathways, and consistent cycles will keep the brain on track.

3. Move your fingers to improve your brain: Many people marvel that Asian children seem so intelligent. It could be because they use their fingers more frequently. They eat with chopsticks and at one time, they used to compute with an abacus in school. In fact, some studies have been done with children who use an abacus daily, and findings show that engaging the fingers stimulates nerve endings that go directly to the brain, increasing circulation. Take advantage of this by practicing motor activities that use your fingertips, like crocheting, knitting, and other arts and crafts where you are manipulating small parts. Try playing the piano or a stringed instrument.

Here is an exercise you can do anywhere, at any time. Put one finger on top of the one next to it, then try to stack the next finger on top of that. Or hold a pencil or pen between your index and middle fingers, roll it over until it's balanced between the middle and ring fingers, then again to between the ring finger and pinky. This exercise has a beneficial impact on brain health for anyone at any age, but especially for people in their 40s, 50s and beyond -- when signs of brain aging starts to set in.

Why does this work? A map of the brain shows that the nerve endings on your fingertips correspond to more areas of the brain than any other body area, except perhaps the tongue and lips. Therefore, finger exercise and movements can be useful in stimulating the neurons in the brain. The National Institute of Mental Health conducted experiments that showed finger exercises enlarged the capacity of the participants' brains, increased connections between neurons, forged new neural pathways, and increased circulation to the brain areas. The researchers concluded that finger exercise contributed significantly to brain plasticity, the ability of the brain to renew itself. Increased circulation means more oxygen and nutrients for the brain cells and decreased waste products that clog up the brain.

4. Stimulate brain acuity with self-massage: To improve concentration and memory try this self-massage that stimulates two easy-to-find acupressure points on your neck at the base of the skull. Cross your hands behind you with the palms cradling the back of your head, your thumbs in the grooves on each side of your neck, and your index fingers crossing one another below the skull, just above the thumbs. Sit in a chair, lean your head back, and let it rest against the pressure of your thumbs and index fingers. Slowly inhale deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth, letting your whole body relax. Do this for three to five minutes. You'll increase blood flow to the brain and at the same time relax the neck muscles, which often tense up in response to stress, constricting blood vessels in the area.

You can find these, and many other brain boosting tips in my new book, Second Spring. I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me. May you live long, live strong, and live happy!

--Dr. Mao

Anoop: my good luck charm

One other note on the job search has been the the role of another good friend here at work: Anoop. Anoop, or as we like to call him, Snoop or Snoop Dog, has had a profound impact on my career here and for my reasons in being in Minnesota.

Nine years ago, my first phone interviews were with Anoop, and he was the one who recommended bringing me up for final rounds. When I joined, Snoop became my first manager. He moved onto another job, but we have tried to keep in touch.

Up till May 14th, we had not had lunch or chatted together for a while. I remember the date, because it was to be the day before my last day of work. The next day, however, my extension came through for another 30 days.

Snoop, still feeling some lingering managerial responsibility for me, scheduled a follow up lunch for about 30 days out to see how I was doing. That was last Wednesday. The next day, I found out extension number two came through. Coincidence? I think not.

My new last day, is July 31st. I have lunch scheduled with him for earlier that week. Also, he is on notice that he needs to be on standby in case I get an interview. Meeting with him has resulted in me getting a paycheck; that is a streak I am looking to continue

Thanks Snoop

The Extended Extension

For those of you keeping up with my latest trials and tribulations of the job search, I have a minor update, and it is good news. I got another extension to continue the temporary assignment on which I am currently working. This is my second extension which will keep me employed until the end of July. I am very excited about this news, as I will be able to continue working on my current project which I enjoy, plus pick up a new one, while all the while still being employed (read: paid) and I can still look for positions internally.

This extension came through the efforts of two people. The first is my friend Danielle, whose heroics were described in an earlier posting ("Lessons from the Job Search", May 18, 2009). The second is a former manager of mine, N, whom I worked for seven years ago. There is a funny story on how N's and my path had crossed, yet again.

When I started working for her, I was at one of my lowest points professionally. The job I was promised when I moved to Minnesota was changed, dramatically. I was either going to have to accept the change or I would be fired. I wanted to leave then, but in the post 9/11 economic downturn, I thought it best to fight it out rather than take my chances. My new boss was N. We hit it off well, and although I didn't like my new job, I liked working for her. She was very bright, very dynamic, and she gave me opportunities to shine. We worked together very well. After 18 months, N was promoted to a new job, and soon, so was I, but we kept in touch over the years.

Fast forward six years to April: Job eliminations are announced, and both N and I are without positions. N had been on a fast track to the upper echelons, so I (and others who knew her) were very shocked to hear this news. I applied and interview for a job as a Business Development Manager; it is basically the same job I was doing before the cuts and it was at the same job grade. I didn't get the job, but I found out N was in the running.

I was surprised she had applied for the job, as it was several job grades lower than where she had been. I knew she would do a great job in this position; if I had been asked to chose between me and her, I probably would have chosen her. When I found out she was being considered, I did the right thing: I sent her a note wishing her well. Instead of letting the awkwardness build from both of us wanting the same job, I decided to do the grown up thing; I told her that I had interviewed (if she didn't know this already) but I didn't get selected; I heard she was still being considered and I wished her good luck and I hoped that she would get the job. As it turns out, she did.

Fast forward another month: I am working on this temporary project. It is a good job and a needed position, but with all the cost cutting going on, everyone has to pull extra weight. If I was to get another extension, I would not be immune. Step in N. We are now both in the same division; she was staring her first project and it was massive. The scope had expanded exponentially from the original charter; she was looking for some help. She knew my situation so she proposed an extension for me as well. We had worked together well in the past and she thought we would be good again in the future. So did I. So through the helps of Danielle and N, I got another extension. I'll be employed for another 7 weeks.

Funny how things work out sometimes.

On being an idiot

Last night, for the first time ever, I let my car run out of gas. I have pushed the limit of the gas tank since, well, I started driving, so it was inevitable that this would happen.

I was lucky in many ways: it was springtime (e.g. not sub-zero with snow), I was in the Twin Cities (actually between St. Paul and Minnie), it was not in heavy traffic or a busy street, and there was a generous shoulder so I could pull of safely.  Plus, I had no place I needed to be, nor anyone else in the car with me.  Yeah, I was lucky.

I could bring out a whole host of reasons why I didn't fill it up sooner: the gas station I would have gone to was closed, I-94 was closed for repairs, the stars were not aligned. Ultimately, it came down to pushing my luck. I waited too long and by the time I got to end of the tank, I didn't want to go on a wild goose chase looking for a station that did not exist. That an the iPhone was really slow in pulling up nearby gas stations.

So I tried to push it to the one station that I knew existed. My famous last words were "it is only a few miles away - I can make it." About then, the car started sputtering and slowing down. My attempts to conserve gas by turning off the air, the radio and breathing shallow (figure it couldn't hurt) did not help. 

I ended up walking to a gas station for a tank and gas. It took about 30-40 minutes round trip, which was made easier by admiring the skill of the marketer who priced the gas can I was now  in possession ($9.99 for plastic, empty). I think - considering the situation that people are in when they walk into a SuperAmerica needing a gas can, they could charge even more.

After the one fillup, the car still wouldn't start, but I was able to get a hold of a friend for a ride. Thank you Mr. Gassman for taking picking me up and driving my dumb @ss back to the gas station and then to my car for round two. Fortunately, this time, the car started and it seems to be working fine today.

Two very curious things about last night:

(1) Never underestimate the kindness of strangers:

I ran out of gas right behind a family that had car issues of their own. Their truck had died, and they had to come out in their other car to pick up the driver. They were from Wisconsin, and a ways from home. They were trying to figure out how they were going to pay for the tow - not the repairs - but the tow. Yet, when the tow truck came to hall off their vehicle, they were concerned about me and leaving me behind. I assured them I had a friend on a way to help me out, but they wanted to wait and make sure.  I assured them I was fine several times before they would go.  Yep, there are still good people out there.

(2) Never underestimate the number of jerks there are on the road:

I was on 35E heading North, ready to exit onto 36, when the car started sputtering and slowing. The car behind me pulls right up on my bumper. I put on my hazard lights to alert him that not all was right with my car, yet this seemed to have the opposite effect. He started driving closer, to the point I could make out his hand gestures and what he was saying. His comments were not exactly kind; he broke several commandments and suggested behavior made illegal by laws against bestiality.  This was probably a karmic message specifically for me, based on my driving style. It is a lesson learned.

Anyway, the car is doing fine today, and I have a gas can, used only twice, that will soon have a new home with a friend who has a garage.  I can't let that expensive piece of plastic go to waste.

Happy driving.

...and it is in Vegas!

Apparently, there is a trade show for everything

http://www.rollercon.net/

World Air Traffic flow

I got this from a friend - it's all the air traffic over 24 hrs, squeezed into 1 minute.  You can see the movement of the sun over the world.

Enjoy

World_Air_Traffic_0-24_h.wmv

Lessons from the job search

Last Friday I got some good news on the work front.  I got an extension to stay at my employer, working in another division to help launch a new product.  It is a temporary assignment which is scheduled to last for 30 days.  This was a fortuitous bit of news for me, as this occurred on what was to be my last day.

It is interesting how it all transpired last week.  I was still up for two jobs internally.  If I was selected for final round interviews for either of them, I would probably get an extension.  I had been packing up my office this week, preparing for the worst but still hoping for the best.  I found out Thursday morning I did not get one of those jobs.  I was down to one last option to stay; my optimism was waning.  

I was cleaning up my office, when I came across a magazine loaned to me by my good friend Danielle.  It was a mag on shops that made leather coats in Buenos Aires.   Last fall I was supposed to be in Argentina, but due to a visa issue (see post: Ugly American) I never made it there.  Danielle also included some currency and other items for me to use.  I had kept the book, pending a reschedule, but as that did not happen, it got lost in a pile and forgotten.  Until now.

Danielle is in a different division, but in the same building.    So I walked down to her desk to return the magazine.  It was about 10am Thursday.  She asked how things were going with me; I had been keeping her up to date on my job search.  She was very surprised that nothing had happened and was sad to see me go.  Then she brought up an idea - would I consider working on a short time project for her division?  It would be 30 days to help with a product launch.  Sure, I thought.  Why not?  It is not like I have another job in hand, and this buys me time.  Plus, after 30 days, if I don't get a job, I still get my severance package, so what is the downside?  I said yes; then I saw the product to be launched.  It was cool.  Very cool.  It will be one we hope everyone will see and know about very soon. 

I had know Danielle for years and although we had not worked together on a project, we both kept in touch and talked about our projects and work frequently.  Plus we got together for lunch every so often to talk about family, personal life, the whole shmear.  I thought the potential of working for her would be fun.  The only problem was that Danielle needed her Director's okay to hire me on.  I don't want to say I was doubting her ability, but when the topic of money comes up the answer is often no (especially in this day and age).  So while I was hopeful this would work out, I had doubts, especially with only one day to go.  At about this time, her Director walks by her office.  She says she has to see him; he was heading to the rest room, but said he would be back in a minute.  I rush to my computer to eMail her my resume.  

After lunch, I packed up my final items, and snuck out for the day.  I didn't want a goodbye party; it didn't think it was appropriate when your job gets eliminated.  My boss and I made arrangements to meet for dinner Monday night to sign the severance papers, if things didn't work out.  Danielle had told me that she was working on getting it done, but I wasn't sure that it could happen in time; I had tried this path before.  That night I met some friends for happy hour(s) and went to bed late.  I woke up Friday morning, not feeling particularly well, but as I had nowhere to go, it didn't seem to matter.  For some reason, I turned on my phone, although I didn't feel like talking.   About 8:15 am I got a call from my boss.  The extension to work for Danielle had come through. I would be around for at least 30 more days.  Monday morning I start working on a new product launch.   Also, I found out I am still in the running for the other job, too.

I really can't say enough good things about Danielle and what she has done for me.  She made something happen out of nothing.  Her division has not been hiring people, even temporarily. The fact it was me who got hired was entirely due to her support; I do not plan on disappointing her.   The whole thing was wrapped up in under 24 hours - a miracle of sorts here - and on my last day of employment.  I spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about this event, and I have realized three lessons I have learned:

  

1. Networking is the key to finding opportunities.  All the books and experts have said this is the key to finding work.  In a small way I have proved this true again.

2. Maintain friendships:  It is always important to do so in good times and bad.  Had I not kept in touch and felt comfortable working with me, would she have been willing to take a risk in bringing me in?  Probably not.  

3. Return stuff that isn't yours:  The part I can't get over is that none of this would have happened had I not cleaned out my office and return something that didn't not belong to me.  We have all heard this from our parents before, but this is the first time I think I have seen the benefit of doing so.

The product I am working on will be very fun.  It has only been one day, but I have enjoyed it. Even if I have to move on, it is a good project for the resume.  It is only a 30 day assignment, but it keeps me continuously employed at 3M.  It gives me more time - not just at work but for the external search.  Most importantly, it is keeping my mind active and it keeps me feeling useful.  I hate feeling like I am not making a contribution, or helping in some way, and this job has given me that opportunity.  It keeps me sane, at least for another month, and it makes me feel like I am still contributing, something I have missed doing during this job search.  That has been the most important thing of all.

Thanks Danielle

Economy Beers Give Brewers Lift in Downturn

It's PBR's time to shine! Thanks to Liz and the Wall Street Journal for this one:

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Mark Lehr's favorite beer is Heineken, but one recent afternoon, the Chicagoan emerged from a 7-Eleven with a 12-pack of Busch that cost him $8 -- about $7 less than a dozen Heinekens.
"My funds are limited right now," said the 39-year-old house painter, noting that he has had far fewer customers during the recession.

Sales of so-called economy brews, including Busch, Miller High Life and Pabst Brewing Co.'s Pabst Blue Ribbon, are rising faster than the nation's beer sales overall, and are helping industry giants Anheuser-Busch InBev NV and MillerCoors LLC weather the economic downturn.

Full Article - Wall Street Journal
(registration required for full story)

Where have all the comedians gone?

Today, we lost another comic legend.  The one and only Dom DeLuise passed away at 75.  I first remember Dom DeLuise as Burt Reynolds sidekick Victor/Captain Chaos in the "Cannonball Run".  He was over the top with his comedy, leaving his pride at the door.  He did whatever it took to make the audience happy.  Drama was not his forte.  He wasn't trying to be suave or romantic.  He had only one goal:  make em laugh.  He will be missed.

The loss of Dom highlights another problem with the movie industry;  the loss of great comedic character actors.  Where have all the bit players gone?  What happened to all the actors who were willing to play comedic support in every movie they appeared in?  They didn't want to be leading men or women; all they wanted to do was make em laugh.  

All the great ones seem to be passing on.  Don Knotts, the king of comedic support, passed on in 2006, and comedy has not been the same without him.  He could still make em laugh well into his 60's with his part in "Pleasantville", but time caught up with him.  Ditto John Candy.  He has been gone for 15 years.  Nobody was better at making what could be a really s#itty movie into comedy gold (example A: "Splash".  Without him, this movie really sucks.  If you don't believe me, watch it, but skip all the scenes with John Candy and you will be utterly dismayed at how bad this movie is).  Bernie Mac passed away before mainstream America really had a chance to embrace him.  Bernie didn't even have to say anything to be funny.  Just him being himself on screen, without saying a word was guaranteed extra laughs.  The same could be said for Rodney Dangerfield.  I have never completely forgiven TNT for not having a "Pray for Rodney" weekend marathon right before his heart surgery.  He brought so much and asked for so little in return.  Ditto Ted Knight.  He's been gone for 20 years.  

Most of these actors tried, and failed, to be leading men.  They had the chance to carry a movie on their own, and it usually sucked.  Bad.  But unlike other actors, they recognized the limit of their ability, and went back to doing what they did best - adding laughs to a movie.  I feel like there is some stigma attached to this ability; it is as if you can only be measured as an actor based on your ability to carry a movie, not to add support.  I've ranted before on where have all the bad guys gone; I think it would be fun to be a Hollywood villain.  I think it would be just as good to be a supporting comedic actor.  You don't have to worry about your looks, your part, or your Hollywood legacy.  All you gotta do is make em laugh.

The prospects out there seem to be slim.  Not many folks seem to be stepping up to the plate.  Frontrunners include Ben Stiller, Janeane Garofalo, and Jack Black.  They are not interested in Dramas (or at least not anymore).  Ben Stiller is tailor made for the role of comedy support.  Ditto Jack Black.  Janeane Garofalo, well, lets just say her 60 second appearance in "The Cable Guy" made that movie, and it is one of the best bit parts ever.  Jorge Garcia could do it.  Even in "Lost" he could make the mundane funny (still laughing over his flinging of the Hot Pocket!) Tina Fey could do it, but she still has to prove the comedic range beyond "30 Rock" and Sara Palin.  Still, she has the ability. Steven Wright could pick up the mantle, except that he dropped off the face of the Earth.  Ditto for Eddie Deezen (the perpetual nerd) and Curtis "Booger" Armstrong. 

I know it is selfish for me to wish that more actors would focus on just the bit comedy roles.  If I were an actor, I would probably want to go for the limelight and the leading roles.  To me, being comedic character support would be the greatest gig ever.  No worries about your roles, no pressure on your legacy; all you gotta do is make em laugh.