Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Why the loss of Robin Williams is making me so sad

Yesterday Robin Williams past away, and I have been sad ever since.  

It makes no sense really.  I was not family.  I never met him and I didn't know him personally.  I never even saw him live.  I didn't even like all of his movies.  Why am I so sad?

Robin Williams was unique.  After his casting as Mork from Ork, Garry Marshall supposedly justified hiring Williams because he was the only alien who auditioned.  From that one role, he was able to launch a career in comedy and drama, on TV, film and live performances, which he showed in 2008-9 he can still had the gift to make people laugh.  

He also had a very big heart.  As many in the business who knew him remarked, he was a very generous and kind man.  One of my favorite stories was one told to me by a sales rep I used to work with, who lived in SF. Many years ago, the sales rep was coaching his daughter's soccer team, and on one of the other fields, Robin Williams was watching his son play. None of the girls were paying attention to his coaching; they were all distracted by Robin Williams. My friend goes over to Williams, and asks if he wouldn't mind coming by to say hi, so they would stop staring and they could get back to practice.  Robin Williams not only comes over, but he breaks into his Russian Doctor voice, and implores the girls that they must "follow the leader!", launches into an unscripted, unrehearsed, totally impromptu comedy routine. The girls was captivated. They didn't just see Robin Williams, but they got to experience his comedy genius in person. He finished his improve set, went back to his son's game. Nothing was asked in return and practice could resumed, more or less, as normal.

Like his comic idol, Jonathan Winters, both suffered from depression.  I have friends who work in mental health, and I don't think everyone fully appreciates how difficult it can be for folks with depression.  It is not a disease with physical signs, and some people think depression can be controlled mentally.  I saw a post that one time says you are as happy as you choose to be.  I think most mental health professionals would disagree.  Like most people, I have had down times, sad times, but I haven't had suicidal thoughts.  I know I don't fully appreciate or understand how someone could think of taking their own life, but I don't think it is a simple matter of willing yourself out of that dark place.  

When I have been down, there are certain movies and shows I watch to cheer me up.  William's comedy was one of them.  It was one something to which I turned to brighten my day.  I felt like he knew what I needed when I was down, although, as noted above I never met him.  His unscripted, unpredictable, wild antics could brighten my mood, and a dose of his comic unpredictability caused me not to take life too seriously.  He helped me out when I was feeling down.

Then he commits suicide.

I don't feel I can watch or enjoy his comedy again knowing that behind the jokes there was someone this hurting for help.  He was someone I turned to when I was down, but in return, there was nothing I or anyone else could do in return.   

Thank you Robin Williams for all that you have done for me; I am sorry I could not have returned the favor.  

Rest in peace.