Wendie Jo Sperber, time to take a bow

I was watching "1941" one of those comedies from my youth that could not be made today (and

certainly not made with a PG rating). There was a lot of great comedy talent in the movie, some we knew like John Belushi and Dan Ackroyd, while others that looked familiar but weren't household names, like John Candy, Treat Williams, and Christopher Lee (yes, THAT Christopher Lee). There was one bit player, who I thought stole the show, was Maxine, the hyperactive, no-BS, totally infatuated friend, played by Wendie Jo Sperber.

Don't remember the name? She was the big girl.

She played this type of role before, as a Beatle-mania obsessed fan in the "I Want to Hold Your Hand", and later she would bring her comedic talents in "Used Cars" and on the TV Show "Bosom Buddies" with Tom Hanks.  She had all the talent in the world, but one thing she wasn't was thin.

There had been lots of other funny women before Wendie Jo: Lucile Ball, Carol Burnett, and Betty White to name a few. Then in the 1960's and 70's we saw the rise of Gilda Radner, Lily Tomlin, Mary Tyler Moore, along with hosts of others.  All of them very funny.  All of them very thin.  Looking at the cast of Laugh-In and early Saturday Night Live was like a warning call on the dangers of anorexia. No woman in comedy could make it, it seems, unless they were both very funny and very thin.  I don't blame them for being thin; knowing how image conscious the entertainment business was then (okay, and now), there was no way for a woman to make it in comedy unless she was wafer thin.

Not Wendie Jo.

She was a big girl, with big talent and it didn't stop her from getting laughs. Sometimes they were due to her enthusiasm and energy.  Sometimes, it was because of her size.  Wendie Jo would go on to moderate success in movies and TV. She got typecast as the big girl, and some movies used her weight as the source of jokes. Comedy was done by the thin, and not all producers and directors knew what to do with her. Robert Zemeckis and Steven Spielberg brought out her best. Others did not.

Parts dried up for her, and then in 1997, at the young age of 39 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Rather than retreat from the disease, she fought it for eight years, both on TV (with a special appearance on "Murphy Brown", and in the public, raising awareness for the disease and support for its victims. On Nov 29, 2005,  she passed away. Tom Hanks spoke fondly of Wendie Jo as "a walking inspiration."

Beyond what she did for the fight against cancer, Wendie Jo I think deserves to be recognized for what she on the perception of what a funny woman can look like. I can't think of another woman in comedy before her that wasn't thin; however, after Wendie Jo burst through the door, size did not necessarily stop talent. Other larger woman have followed in her footsteps, like Roseanne Barr, Rosie O'Donnell, Melissa McCarthy, and Rebel Wilson, to name a few.

So on the 10th anniversary of her passing, I think it is time she got some recognition for her impact on comedy. Wendy Jo, take your bow.

Of loss and lug nuts

I hate myself for being one of those idiots, but I here I am. I know there is a problem with my car but I can't tell AAA what it is. My car is "off". 

Traffic clears and I can walk around my car, a 12 year old Volvo, now stopped on the side of Lyndale, when I see what is wrong. The left rear tire is tilted. A lot. Tires that are properly attached to the wheel do not bend at this angle. I look closer: one lug nut is in, four are gone. The tire is hanging on by a thread (literally). I am very lucky not to have caused an accident, or gotten anyone killed. For that, I am relieved, but another question causes me greater concern:

How the hell could this have happened?

It will be a mystery I would ultimately can not solve, despite my best efforts.


Tuesday night:

I am meeting a friend out for a few beers. We picked Surly, but due to the long wait, we went with plan B, Urban Growler, only a short bit away.  My car was driving fine at this point.

I got there a bit before 8pm, and we left about 10. The night passed without incident, aside from the car who parked next to me.  Another Volvo, and SUV, backed into the spot to my right, parking within inches of my car.  It is one of those dick moves that serves no purpose; very Minnesota Passive Aggressive, but as I saw no reason for it, I got in my car and started driving home.

That is when I noticed the bump. 

There was no better way of describing it than a bump, that occurred at a regular intervals as I drove.  As I sped up, the frequency increased.  It was similar to a flat tire, but the car was not noticeably dipping.  The car was driving fairly straight; there was a slight slide, but it had been raining today, after a long period of dry, so I figured it was just oil on the road.  Urban Growler is located in a very industrial area.

I thought it might be a rock or something caught in the tire tread, that would work itself out. I got on the interstate; that made it worse. And scarier. What was just an annoyance suddenly sounded like something that was very wrong.  I got off as soon as I could and took the slow road home.  The tires looked fine; I went to bed thinking the air must be low.

Thursday afternoon:

I had driven the car briefly Wednesday, and the bump was still there, no better no worse.  It was raining, so I skipped filling the tires with air. Today, it is sunny and the car already feels worse than yesterday, so no excuse. The tire pressure in all all is good, but I give them all a blast.  I did not notice anything amiss with the rear wheel. 

After a stop and a bad job of parallel parking, I head back home, this time the vibration is bad.  Very bad.  I know something is very, very wrong, but for the life of me, I don't know what.  I decide I better pull over and call AAA. As I am looking for a place to pull over, a van pulls alongside me and honks politely.  The driver looks at me and shakes his head "no".  That is all I need to convince me something is wrong.  If another driver can see something is off, then I am in bad shape.  

I pull over and I have no idea what is wrong, so I call AAA, not knowing what I will say, but just knowing that I need help.  Then I see it.  As relieved as I am to now know why my car was off, it raises the uglier question:

How the hell could this have happened?

The Tow:

It doesn't take too long for the tow to show up.  Frank gets out and shakes his head when he sees the tire.  Frank looks to be in his 60s.  He is covered in grease and grime, and it looks like he has seen and towed everything   I liked him instantly.  

He works quickly but carefully to get my car on the flatbed.  I hold my breath as it is being pulled up, expecting that last bolt to give way.  Miraculously, it holds. Frank is a very likable guy.  He is a very talkative, happy guy, which is a shame, as he probably spends most of his day working alone, or when he does have a passenger, like me, they are typically in bad moods.  I, however, was not.  I wanted to figure out what happened.

There is a saying that everyone you meet knows something you don't, and this was the case with Frank.  He knew more about cars and wheel mounting systems that I thought there was to know.  He explains the difference in how the tires attach to the wheel. Volvo, VW and most of the European car makers have a bolt system, the tire casing must fit over, unlike the flush mount for US and Japanese cars.  This makes the wheels for European cars extremely tough to remove (coincidentally, that is why I joined AAA. I got a flat in 0 degree weather, and I could not get the tire off on my own).  Frank explained that bolt system provides extra security, in helping keep tires on the car.  It probably saved me from having a wreck.

"When was the last time you had the car in?"  Frank asked.  Maybe five, six months ago.  It is due to go in next week.  Frank said lug nuts getting loose typically happens after servicing the car.  If the lug nuts weren’t put on properly, they can loosen up as you drive and then fall out, but that would happens within a few days - a week max - after you have the service.  

"What could cause a lug nut to loosen up like this?" I asked. Frank pauses for a moment, then looks me in the eye as we drive to the service station.

"Someone loosening them intentionally."


The Service Station:

I always worry about service stations where I don't have experience.  When growing up, I had an overheating radiator and I went to the nearest service station, one I didn't know.  I had a busted hose; they quoted a price of $100.  I left and drove my overheating car to our regular place.  They fixed it for $3.50 - parts and labor.  Since then, I am paranoid about new service stations, but it was a AAA vendor, so I figured I wouldn't get totally screwed. Plus, my regular guy is in Hopkins. It would be worth $100 not to drive there at this time a day. 

I get the car checked in and they ask me all the usual questions: name, address, milage (on the car, not me), what happened and when was the last time I got the car serviced (5-6 months ago).

"Humm. Have you recently changed a flat tire?"  No, I haven't.  Last time the tires were touched, was when they got rotated last servicing.

"That's unusual for lug nuts to come out on their own, especially so long after being serviced.  That typically only happens immediately afterwards."

So I have been told.

Frank manages to get another lug nut in before he gets my car off the flatbed.  As he was lowering the car, he stopped the car as the wheel rotated into a vertical position again, and then he takes a lug nut off another wheel, and puts it in the back one and he tightens the one remaining lug nut, to give it extra support as he lowers it down. He didn't want to see the wheel coming off just as we get to the service station.  

I knew there was a reason to like him.

It takes about an hour, but they check out the car. The big concerns were did the wobbling tire do any damage to the actual wheel and did the bolts, when they were loosening up, cause any damage to the holes, widening them so you can't get a proper seal.  In both cases, the answer was no. It hadn't been driven enough with the loose lug nuts to cause any damage. Had it not been the case, my service would have cost several thousand dollars. As it turns out, it only cost me about $95.  More than I would have thought, but aren't all car repairs that way.  The station seemed reputable, and they had that Minnesota Nice thing going full force.  I asked the question again, how could this have happened?  It wasn't after servicing, so how could they come out?  Was this vandalism? 

Sometimes Minnesota Nice can be a real burden.  It prevents folks from saying anything bad directly. So in a classic Minnesota Nice answer, when I pushed him if this was vandalism, he says "It's hard to think of any reason how this could happen on its own."


My Mechanic:

I had a scheduled maintenance for my car today; the timing of this appointment was the only fortuitous thing that has happened to my car in a while.  I went over the minor issues, then told them about the tire.  

The mechanic has worked on my car for years. Previously, I was really frustrated with the service from the dealership I had been getting. Once I started going to Justin, it has been a new love affair with my car.  He is very thorough, well versed and skilled with Volvos.  He is taken back when I tell him what happened.

He gos through the usual list of questions: Did I have a flat? Have I gotten an oil change somewhere else (he asks with an eye, akin to one you might get from a girlfriend who thinks you are cheating on them might give you).  No, no service since I was last here.

Nothing comes back wrong with the car, and they verify what the other service station had said: no damage to the wheel, just some scuffs.  I ask again, what could have caused this to happen, only this time I don't give an out.  I don't break eye contact, I don't suggest an alternative, I let the uncomfortable silence sit in.  I know the silence will break the Minnesota Nice facade.  It takes a while, but he breaks: 

"There are some real jerks in this world".

The Investigation:

I have lunch with my good friend SeaBass. He is extremely sarcastic and a vicious dry sense of humor. He is well versed in the writings of Machiavelli and has put them into practice, for humorous results.  I describe what happened, and his Sicilian streak jumps to the same conclusion: sabotage.  Why, however, remains a mystery.  

I go back to Urban Growler. There is a car parking where I was parked, but I look under it for clues, specifically, lug nuts.  If someone wanted to steal the tire (I don't know why, but if they did), but they got spooked off, I think they would have dropped any of the lug nuts they had removed.  I looked but nothing was found.

I go in and talk to the manager. She was a very nice and pleasant woman. I thought there may have been some reason they didn't like me, but if there was, I could not see it on her face.  I told her what happened and she was surprised. They have never had an incident in their parking lot before, and she was concerned this happened. She asked for the info on when I was here and she would look at the security tapes to see if she could find anything. She also said parking lot had not been swept since Tuesday, so if a lug nut had been removed, conceivably, it could still be in the parking lot.  

On my way out, i looked again, but I couldn't find a lug nut anywhere. Granted the parking lot is crowded, and there are a lot of cars going in and out, that could easily knock it around if it was dropped. If. It might not have been removed, just loosened, a far more terrifying prospect. I also looked for the security cameras.  I am not sure if I found them or not, but based on where I think they are located, they would not be able to see anyone at that angle.

I drove by Surly, too, just to double check.  I had parked on the street, so I didn't go in to talk to the manager.  Plus, I don't think anything happened here.  The car was driving fine when I left.  It was immediately after leaving Urban Growler that I noticed the thump. Still, I looked for a lost lug nut and finding none, I moved on.  One last stop: Bob's Java - the last stop I made before it became un-drivable.

I remembered how disappointed I was in my parallel parking skill, that I figured my car had to be in bad shape by this point. Plus, the bumping got really bad as I left here, so maybe there was a stray lug nut to be found.  There wasn't.  There was a car parked where I had been parked, plus others driving by, too.  A garbage truck was there, with folks emptying trash bins.  All of these and more could knock a small object around, which in the end, would not prove anything.

I headed back up Lyndale, just as I had the day before.  Every little bump was magnified, but the car was fine.  All I am left with is a mystery - how could this happen and why would it happen to me?

Aftermath:

I like things to make sense.  This is tough for me, personally, because people don't make sense to me.  I don't understand why people do what they do, or why they react they way they do, which makes life very confusing.  One thing I have, however, accepted is that there are a lot of people who do not like me.  I don't know why, but they don't.  I'm not looking for sympathy; it is just something I have noticed that I have come to accept. But my car?

I don't think anyone knew this car was mine at Urban Growler, so I assume it was directed to my car.  I wasn't crossing the line of a parking spot, nor did I park illegally in a handicap spot, but for some reason, someone went after my car.  As I said, I like thinks to make sense.  Randomness, strangely makes sense to me. Randomness is part of evolution; it is necessary for survival and development.  Randomness I can accept, but randomness combined with premeditative vandalism?

Many years ago, I was driving from Charlotte back to Washington DC.  I was leaving the city limits, on a divided interstate, I-85, which has 4 lanes in each direction at this point. A car going the other direction lost a tire.  It was one of the most frightening and horrific things I have ever seen.  The car started skidding on the axel, sparks flying, the driver losing control, while the tire bounced and flew over the dividing wall - towards me.

I didn't have time to react, which was a blessing.  The tire bounced right over my car.  I didn't hit anyone behind me, immediately, but I shudder to think what that tire could have done to another driver.  Or someone on a motorcycle.  It was one of the most frightening things I have ever witnessed, up close and personal.  I think it is one of the reasons I have been so bothered by this incident.  I know how bad losing a wheel could be.  If someone had seen what I had seen, they would not have loosened someone else's lug nuts, potentially causing a fatal wreck. 

Not too long ago, I read a story about forgiveness.  It is an amazing story, which I can not do justice (full story is here), but it stuck with me.  It is a powerful lesson, that I am going to try to follow.  I am going to try to forgive whoever did this; I don't think it was intentional against me and I don't think they realized the damage it could have done.  I hope whoever did this will somehow read this story, and change their ways.

Right after I finished up writing this part, I went out back down Lyndale to another coffee shop, just down from Java Bob's.  I parked on Lyndale, about 100 feet away from where I had pulled over.  Against the curb I saw something shining.  It was a lug nut.  It looked like one of mine - you can't be sure - but how often do you find them on the street.  It was a completely random occurrence  magnified by the complete randomness in available street parking.  

I am taking this random sign that it was a random case of vandalism.  That makes enough sense to me.

"Jurassic World" and the heroism of the color purple

Last night I went to see "Jurassic World".  I went in with low expectations and I was not disappointed.  Good actors, decent story, though largely it was an updated version of the original (sorry, that might have been a spoiler.  I will try to keep the rest spoiler free, aside from the fact there are dinosaurs, they escape, and there is conflict with humans, but that seems largely like a big given).  What I found most interesting about the movie was the use of color, specifically, purple, and it has to do with something I read about how it was used in the movie "Up".

To me, the opening in Pixar's "Up" is in the pantheon of saddest movie scenes ever.  It is up there with "Old Yeller", Goose dying in "Top Gun" and Jessie's song "When Somebody Loved Me" from "Toy Story 2".  (Side note - I really hate how those bastages at Pixar can toy with my emotions so easily.  I hate and envy them for it).  What I didn't notice at the time I saw "Up" was how the color

purple was used throughout the movie.  One of my favorite movie sites is "Last Exit to Nowhere".  They sell movie inspired t-shirts and accessories, but they have great discussions on movies on their Facebook page. Someone once noted in "Up" that purple was Ellie's color, and when she (spoiler alert) passes away, the color purple basically disappears from the movie.  It only starts to reappear, very slowly, as Carl starts his adventure.  As he gets closer to Paradise Falls, more and more of the color purple is used, symbolically representing that Carl is becoming more adventures and heroic - like Ellie.

While watching "Jurassic World" last night I noticed, they are doing the same thing.

Traditionally associated with royalty in Western Cultures, the color purple is used to represent heroism, a role the characters should all striving to achieve.  It was an interesting play on color symbolism, and once I started noting it, the movie became far more interesting to  me.

I didn't notice it at first; I first noticed it when Bryce Dallas Howard went from corporate mode to hero mode.  In the beginning of the movie, she is dressed all in white; she is very distant and does not have a strong connection to her nephews (not even knowing their ages - bad aunt!).

However, as the movie progresses and (spoiler alert), she has to step up to protect them, she takes of her coat and top, revealing - surprise, surprise - a purple top, previously not visible.  At first, it is still partially covered, but as the movie progresses, she looses the top, in effect, showing more purple, reflecting her growing heroism.

If purple is the most heroic color, then the proximity of of other colors on a color wheel, reflects their relative level of heroism. Namely, blue and maroon, become the next most heroic colors, which can be seen on the other heroes of the movie, most noticeably Chris Pratt.  Although he is the face of the movie on the trailers, he is not in fact the hero.  The one who saves the day is Bryce Dallas Howard; however, Chris has the next most important heroic role, which is acknowledged in being draped in blues and some purple.  Interestingly, his costume makes a color shift during the movie.  Early on in the movie, he appears more in green and brown, as seen in the lower photo.  But as the movie progresses, the outfit he wears drifts more to purple (top photo). Other characters go through a color change as well, too, most noticeably Irrfan Khan and Nick Robinson.

Irrfan, is an interesting character, who you can't tell early on if he is greedy or heroic, as evident with his purple shirt under his grey suit.  However, when the challenge arises, and it is time for him to be a hero, he easily doffs his coat (dramatically for the camera), exposing his heroic purple shirt before he takes the controls of the helicopter to pilot a very difficult, dangerous, and heroic mission.   The older brother, Nick Robinson, also sheds his non-heroic clothes when he has to protect his brother, a point that is specifically made in the movie when then find his button down shirt, revealing a maroon t-shirt underneath - not completely heroic but a big swing from his previous moodiness.

Before

After

Rounding out the heroic side is Omar Sy, associate and friend of Chris Pratt's who is the loyal companion and resource throughout the movie. While not quite as heroic as Bryce Dallas Howard, his heroism and good qualities are noted in his pinkish hued shirt.

On the opposite side, we have two characters who did not display heroism in anyway, and if anything were greedy and manipulative, namely BD Wong and Vincent D'Onofrio.

BD Wong, the doctor has made some morally questionable choices, and he is greedy, but there is no evidence of evil.  He is in a difficult position and he is trying to make all his masters happy, which he does by making morally void decisions.  Not surprisingly, he is dressed in black and white; a total absence of color.  Vincent D'Onofrio on the other hand has another agenda and he does not care about the loss of life he needs to see it through.  He is the opposite of heroic and as such, he is draped in tan, the color on the opposite end of the color wheel from purple.

And if you need one more piece of evidence, which comes with a BIG SPOILER ALERT: what was the name and the color of the raptor who came to their rescue at the end of the movie.  Yep, Blue.

Overall rating, worse than the original, better than Jurassic Park 2; I never saw part 3.  This movie solidified to me that Steven Spielberg is still a completely underrated director.  This one just didn't have the magic of the original.   It is a shame that most of his best movies came out at a time when being a popular, successful movie decreased your chances for winning an Oscar.  Honestly, he should have at least 3-5 more Best Director awards from the Academy, and this movie proves it, IMHO.

Fury Road: Or How I Learned to Stop Caring and Hate the Franchise

I loved the Road Warrior (aka Mad Max 2).  It is still one of my favorite movies of all time, and I
think George Miller is a genius.  I love this movie so much, I have a tough time calling it by its proper name, Mad Max 2; it was introduced to me (and America) as the Road Warrior and it seems blasphemous for me to refer to it in any other way.  That is the level of perfection I reserve for this film.

Like a lot of Americans, I saw the sequel before I saw the original Mad Max.  As the first movie in the series, it was rough, it was crude, it was made for a pittance, and Mel Gibson's voice was dubbed for the US.  But it was good.  Oh so good!  Both of these movies created dystopian worlds so real and so believable, to me, they are the standard for which all post apocalyptic movies should aspire.

Which is exactly why I hate Mad Max: Fury Road so much.

Visually, Fury Road is far superior to the first two chapters (I still have issues and mixed feelings about Thunderdome, which is why I am trying to avoid discussing here).  But with all the budget, resources and talent, Fury Road failed to deliver like the first two.

When the movie was announced, I was worried.  I didn't want another Thunderdome.  Then I heard Tom Hardy was going to be Max, and I started to get excited.  In many ways, I think he was a better embodiment of Max Rockatansky than Mel Gibson.  Then I saw the first trailer, and yes, I was excited, despite the voices in my head telling me "Remember how you felt about Prometheus", another franchise I loved and another movie I was excited to see, which left me totally disappointed.  Ditto Skyfall.  How can there be so many big budget films, in successful franchises, that can't live up to their potential?

But this was George Miller.  The man who put Australia cinema on the world map.  George Miller, the man who worked as an ER Doctor, scrapping together enough money to make Mad Max, a movie that would generate the best return in film history, a distinction it held for 20 years.  This was the George Miller, who even when he had the resources and money, still made great films.  The same George Miller who would go in a completely different direction and make "Babe", a movie with cutting edge special effects but still had a great story.  Despite all the funding, George Miller knew the importance of plot and motivation; special effects do not a great movie make.   George Miller will not screw up a Mad Max reboot.

Or so I hoped.  I was wrong.

I have spent far too much time thinking about this, but there are three major flaws I see with Fury Road:

1.  Timeline:  Like the other movies, there are very few specifics given on dates, but there is a clear distinction between the world before the crisis and the Post Apocalyptic world.  The first Mad Max takes place as society is crumbling.  The last vestiges of the old rules are deteriorating, turning everything into a Lord of the Flies type of world, but on a continental sized scale.   The Road Warrior (Max 2), takes place roughly five years later. The old society is clearly gone, and a new generation born after the apocalypse is coming into being.  Their upbringing and view of the world will be vastly different then the one in which Max and his contemporaries were raised.  These post-apocs will live in a world where might means right. They will never live in a world there is rule of law, where disputes are not solved by violence or strength. Max is about 30 now, 25 years older then the post-apoc kids.

Skipping Thunderdome, Fury Road runs into serious timeline issues.  It is never explained if this is a sequel to Thuderdome or the (dreaded) re-imagination of Road Warrior, so going on character age, Max looks to be 30, 35 on the outside, so roughly about the same time of Road Warrior.  In this world, there is the tyrannical cult leader, Immortal Joe, who has in his service the War Boys, fanatical followers who live and die for him.  Their ages range from young boys up to about 20-25 or so; the ones featured prominently in Fury Road appear to be about 18.  Or, in other words, about 10-15 years younger than Max, meaning they were born before the Apocalypse; however, their devotion to the leader suggests they were post-apoc kids.  Some of the other characters appeared about the same age, yet, they seem to remember the former world, and the rules of law that used to exist, unlike their contemporary War Boys.  All of this leaves a very muddled picture of when exactly things occurred and why some have shed the old society so easily, while others have not.  This leads to the next issue....

2. Philosophy:  In Mad Max there was the conflict between the rules of the old society which were at odds with the chaos of the new order. In the Road Warrior, the unifying philosophy was clear: everyone needs fuel; no matter what side you are on, the quest for the "precious juice" motivated everyone.  Words and promises were only believed by the very old generation (60+ years old); might was making right.  Thunderdome, for all its faults, did codify this philosophy.  You have an issue with someone? Fight it out. Only the strong survived.

I have no idea what the philosophy is for Fury Road. Honestly.  At best, there is a cult like reverence for Immortal Joe, but it is never explained.  With the absence of laws or any sort of religion put forward, there is no reason why the anyone should follow him, nor why their has not been a revolt. Immortal Joe is old and needs help to move around; in a might makes right world, he should have been killed off long ago. He's not, but there is no explanation as to why they follow him.

3. Industrialization:  There is one basic rule that must be followed in all Post Apocalyptic movie and it is this: Technology peaks the day society disintegrates (D-Day); after the disaster, no technical advancements are possible.  People use whatever machines survive, but new advancements or machinery is not possible (at least not yet).  After D-Day, society changes into a pre-industrial, agrarian world, using whatever machinery they can to survive.  There is no fuel for factories, no way to run the machines, no way to make advancements that exceed the Pre-Apocalyptic world.  What machinery there is can not be wasted.  It's a simple rule, but it must be followed.

How do you violate this rule, Fury Road? Let me count the ways.  Some are obvious, like the

terraced greenhouses at the Citadel, which was claimed to be made possible by pumping ground water, something that previously was not done.  Sorry - not possible.  There is no way they could have developed and built such a complex system to pump water from deep underground to greenhouses high up on plateaus.  They had to operate the elevators by foot power; there is no way they could have built such an advanced irrigation system.   I hate to nit pick, but it is apparently this access to the water is what keeps the masses in line, and the system to get the water is impossible.  Other problems like this exist, which make the foundation of the plot not possible.  Even Thunderdome followed the rules; everything was methane powered (pig shit).

Then this movie goes off to the completely ridiculous. The advancements in weaponry, the seemingly new vehicles that roll out, and - most egregiously - the fire shooting guitar and drum car.  With the limited resources and fuel, we are to believe they created a new metal guitar that shoots flames, built on a new vehicle with a wall of speakers and drummers to keep the troops engaged?

I would like to write about other more basic plot holes - like why did the War Boy change sides? Why was Furiosa put in charge of driving over the War Boys and what made her think this was a good plan?  Why, if they found blood bags so valuable, did they strap them onto the front of the vehicle, the most dangerous place on the entire vehicle?  There are more questions I would like to ask, but honestly, I'm too tired.  I should not have to think this much to enjoy a movie.  The movie should come to us in a fully formed world we can accept, like the first two chapters and other George Miller movies have done so effortlessly.  That is what I hoped this would be; sadly, it was not.

If all you want are cool visuals, then you should go.  It will be a shorter, less pretentious and less blue version of "Avatar".  That is about the nicest thing I can say about it.  I'm going to rent the original; for a fraction of the cost, it is a better movie.

Striking Back: Nine mistakes in the Empire Strikes Back that I am just noticing now

When I originally saw “The Empire Strikes Back”, I didn’t like it.  I was one of those kids who loved
the original “Star Wars”, and who was very excited to see this movie, but SPOILER ALERT the Empire struck back in this movie, in many particularly nasty ways. Over time, though, my feelings on the movie changed, to the point where I really liked it.  I am now one of those folks who can make a decent argument that it is better then the original.

I had not seen it in a few years, and the other night I was in a particularly Empire state of mind (I think it had to do with the Hoth like conditions of winter.  One empathizes).  Strangely, though, I feel asleep just as it started, and only waking up when SPOILER ALERT Luke screams when he finds out Vader is his father.  



Something about sleeping through it caused some sort of osmosis, where I discovered there were problems with the movie.  I couldn’t place them at first but I knew they were there.  I re-watched (and stayed awake), and I found several.  Problems with the plot and character actions that were just baffling were becoming apparent, even though I have seen the movie many, many times before. These were not mistakes with the technology and not having the foresight to see how it could be used (that would make it a longer list).  Instead, I saw nine errors in the plot and story line which up this point I have completely missed.  This will be your last SPOILER ALERT.  If you haven’t seen the movie, stop reading this, watch the movie, then come back.

1. Han Solo letting his vig ride:  In the first Star Wars movie, after the Death Star was destroyed, and Han Solo had all his money, why didn’t he pay of Jabba the Hutt? I raised this question a few months ago, and I still don’t have a good answer. He had the money from his reward, he had the time, and obviously, he was worried about being in Jabba's debt, so why did he wait all this time?  If he payed him off, he wouldn’t have had to leave during the Imperial invasion of Hoth.

 2. Attacking the AT-ATs head-on - worst idea ever:  When the Rebel Alliance’s Rogue Fighters were attacking the AT-ATs, why did they go straight at them?  The AT-ATs only had guns up front, that could only rotate about 30 degrees either way.  All the Rebel pilots had to do was come at them from the sides, or behind, no problem, and taken them down with no danger of being shot.  Even if the AT-AT’s turned to shoot them, that would have taken them off target from attacking the Rebel Base, allowing more transports to escape, which was the whole point.

3. Vader’s Leadership style leaves much to be desired:  The first of many “changes” Vader makes of his senior officers, he uses the Force to strangle Admiral Ozzel for coming out of light speed too close to the Hoth system, alerting the Rebels to their presence.  Guess what?  Even if he didn’t come out too close, the Rebels would have still seen then, and put up their energy shield, necessitating the ground attack.  If anything, by coming in closer, he gives the Rebels less time to prepare.  Admiral Ozzel has a good case to bring up in his next performance review (if he wasn’t dead).

4. Luke Skywalker is a cold hearted bastard:  While attacking the AT-AT’s, Zack, Skywalker’s rear gunner, gets shot and killed.  This doesn’t seem to bother Luke in the least bit, even to the point of ignoring the body when he crashes and has to abandon the fighter.  Zack idolized Luke, but aside from a perfunctory calling of his name, Luke doesn’t seem to care that this poor kid’s corpse is riding shotgun.  Maybe in a combat situation, you block things like this out (I wouldn’t know), and while it isn’t a major issue, the thought of flying around with a dead body right behind me gives me the willies.

5. Evacuation of Echo Base:  This whole scene is just weird, and requires some setup.  The problem starts when Han goes in the command center to get Leia to her transport.  The call comes in that “Imperial troops have entered the base”, then Leia instructs the crew to give the evacuation code and “get to your transports!”  She leaves with Han towards the front of the screen (side note, I think the worst job in the Rebel Alliance is being the poor saps who drew Command Center duty this day.
Your job is to help everyone else leave and wait for the Stormtroopers to arrive, and then try to escape.  Honestly.  I’ve had some bad jobs in my day, but nothing compares to this).  On the way out, their route is blocked, so Solo tells the transport to go, and that he will get her out on the Millennium Falcon and they backtrack to the Command Center.  So far, so good.

Darth and the Stormtroopers burst in and take control of the Command Center.  Now, all the rebels working in the Command Center are gone, and we have to assume they went another way to get to their transports since they didn’t run into Han, Leia or C-3PO.  Presumably, this is where the Millennium Falcon is docked, too.  However, Han and Co. can’t get there now; Darth is waiting in the Command Center.  Somehow, they get past (or through him) to the ship and takeoff. It is a really bad editing job, that makes it more confusing and inaccurate then it needs to be.

6. Blow up the Meteorites, but bring them back alive:  When the Millennium Falcon hides out in a meteorite, Vader commands them to find the ship, but notes several times, “I want them alive”.  After a cut away scene with Luke, we see Imperial Star destroyers blowing up asteroids, while the TIE-Fighters are doing the saturation bombing to flush them out.  Somehow the TIE fighters got the message, but the Imperial Destroyer Captains did not (or, possibly, someone is trying to sabotage one of their commanders, and move up the chain of command.  It wouldn’t be the first time you got promoted because Vader personally “removed” them).

7. Welcome to Cloud City!  Please wipe your feet:  On Degobah, Luke and R2-D2 are covered in filth.  It’s a messy, swampy planet, with no indoor plumbing or clean water for showering.  He is training, in the mud and slime; it’s a messy place. They he has the vision, and has to fly to Cloud City, where, lo and behold, he has clean clothes (until he fights Vader, and they get dirty, again). It’s a minor consistency error, but this one always bugs me when this is done in movies.

8. Vader loves Chewy:  As they are putting Han in the carbonate freezer, Chewbacca starts to freak out.  Boba Fett takes aim and is ready to drop him, but for some, inexplicable reason Vader grabs his gun, and pushes it down, so he doesn’t shoot.  This makes no sense whatsoever.  Princess Leia even gives Vader a look, like she can’t believe he saved Chewy’s life.  You really need to watch this bit again; it is that odd.

9. Worst Rescue Ever:  In a episode of the “Big Bang Theory”, Amy Farrah Fowler pointed out how the movie “Raiders of the Lost Arc” would have had the same ending without Indian Jones being in it.  It was kind of shocking, but it is true.  The movie would have ended the same way without him; the arc would have been uncovered, then lost (this time on an uninhabited Greek Island).  The same could be said for Luke’s attempted “rescue”.  Had Luke not gone to Cloud City, Han would still be in carbonate with Boba Fett, Lando would have busted the Princess, Chewy and C-3P0 out, and Vader would still be alive.  Actually, there is one difference had he not gone: Luke would still have his right hand.



That is my list; please fire back with corrections, questions or comments.