Things I hate about winter

Tuesday night, we had the beginning of our first big snowstorm of the winter. We knew it was coming. We knew it could not be avoided. Still, the reality of seeing my car turned into a snowdrift made me sad.

I opened the trunk of my car and woke my trusty, giant sized, ice-scraper/snow-brush combo. I hated waking him up from his blissful six month hiatus, but like a true friend, he was ready to help me out when I needed him. After de-icing my car for the first of what will be many times this winter, and putting my ice-scraper to its designated spot inside the car, I realized, there are some things I really, REALLY, hate about winter.

Driving:

Top of the list has to be driving and all things road related. I hate having to be cautious, and I hate all the over-cautious drivers. As a Southerner, I really have no right to bitch about other drivers being safe; I was one of the slowest on the road when I saw those first flakes fall many years ago. But after a winter or two of practice, you learn how to drive in this stuff. Yes, you need to be cautious, watch your stopping distances, but some folks take it to the extreme. There is a big difference between being safe and being an complete wussy. I know, I know, all the locals say the same thing, "better late then dead" with an air of Scandinavian self-righteousness. Stuff like that makes me think "better punch them in the face then having to watch them prove themselves right."

The worst is the new snow. The roads get covered over and nobody knows where the lanes are really located. Amazingly, most people seem to deal: eventually visible tire-tracks form which are agreed upon by most drivers. I say most drivers. SUV a$$holes need not apply. Every new snow, they decide to act like Lewis and effing Clark and form their own trail across the road, spraying everyone with snow and jamming the makeshift lanes. Yes, you may technically be right and your car may be in the official lane, but when the snow comes down, it is "Lord of the Flies" time on the roads: you can only push it so far - the law won't help you here.

The "magic" of snow:

And speaking of new snow, every year I hear this crap about the "magic" of new snow. New snow is very pretty, but the "magic" is only a temporary state. It is only magical up till a week past Christmas. Once the holiday season passes, snow becomes one big pain in the ass you have to walk your drunken ass home through at 2am. By February, there is no magic left; it is just keeps going on and on. It is like going to a strip club, or watching a porno movie: after a while, enough is enough.

Insulation vs. Fat

Speaking of nekid bodies, sometime this winter, you will unexpectedly catch sight of your nekid self in the mirror and go "damn!", and not in a good way. Winter time brings added caloric intake, but at some point, you cross over from "adding seasonal insulation" to "its a new addition!". Yeah, no one likes this, myself included. The longer you live here the harder it is to avoid. You look for new and different ways to cover this up, which brings us to....

Sweaters:

I like clothes and I am not afraid to shop for new stuff. The item that I have the most trouble with is the one you need for the winter months: Sweaters. I have two problems with getting new ones. First is, I am very sensitive and ticklish. Any sort of heavy, scratchy wool is no good. I can feel it itching me through two other layers. Second, I have a deceptively big head. Its huge, actually. Borderline Shrek-head. I think I wear a size 7 3/4 hat, even with a haircut. Finding a sweater than can accommodate my cabeza takes a lot of work. Pretty much, it has to be a v-neck.

I found some warm, soft, v-neck sweaters and I guard them like gold. They are the only ones I can wear, and quite frankly, there are getting old. It makes me think, maybe I should live in a less sweater-dependent climate. Which brings me to my next complaint.

Realization that I could be living somewhere else:

I consider my best super-power the ability to sleep anywhere, anytime. I do not possess that survival instinct that prevents me from feeling comfortable in a strange bed or location. In primitive times, I would be dead meat. My only Kryptonite for sleep is when I really, REALLY, have something on my mind, which causes me to wake up at exactly 4am. Precisely 4am. No more than 1 minute off from this time. If I have some serious thinking to do, it will wake me up at 4am, and I am pretty much screwed for sleep the rest of the night.

Why do I bring this up? Because more than once I have been woken up at 4am thinking "there isn't any reason you couldn't be living on a beach." It is not a thought to easily push out of your mind when you are wrapped up to your nose in flannel sheets. I have been woken up by this realization several times over the past year - or by its close cousin - "what is stopping you from living in Vegas? You like Vegas? Why not live there!"

Anyway, that is my bitch of the day. I was able to get home, accident free, after an hour of driving a 20 minute commute. I know winter won't be so bad once I get into it. It is very pretty here and there is still lots to do even with the cold. Just so long as I don't have to drive there....

Happy Winter