I wanted to give a quick update on work situation. I had not written about it in a while. Up to a few months ago, work was still horrid and it was driving me to the door. Quickly. Then out of the blue, some changes have occurred and I might end up working for my old boss again, but in a much better job. If the job comes through as he has sold it, my new position would be better than I could have hoped to find outside of the company.
My relationship with my employer has not been smooth. I have been threatened with termination twice if I did not accept a move, plus there are other "issues" that have come up which I will not get into detail here on a public page, but in summary, they caused massive disbelief among friends and a few choice profanity tirades by me. The only reason I stayed was because of my old boss, who wants to rehire me again. I have every reason to trust him, and he is someone who can make this happen.
So right now I am waiting to see if this position materializes. Should know something in a month or so. This has caused a lot of consternation for me. I wasn't one foot out the door; I was one foot in the door. Maybe not a foot, but my big toe. The only reason I was staying was to bide my time while waiting for something else. It would have been tougher for me to do this, except that I had told both the Director and HR to fire me because I was not doing anything. They didn't so I felt okay staying in my job. I still have doubts if this new job will come through, but for now I will wait and see.
What triggered all of this was today lunch. I had picked up some food at the cafeteria. I did not have plans with anyone so I was going to sit at a table with some of the regulars. It is a fun group of people in the division - friends whom I would not normally interact with - but good lunch company. I was about to go to our table when I noticed among the crowd of regulars the VP was sitting there. Yes - the big, BIG boss.
She is very nice and approachable, and I have great respect for her. But what am I going to say? I figured I could probably ask enough questions of her, although I am scheduled for a group lunch with her this coming Friday (don't want to use my A-material too soon). My fear is what if she asks me "how is it going?" (a very likely question).
I am afraid of one of two things happening - either I tell the truth, or I don't. Either way I don't see a good outcome. My happiness is not her concern - its mine. Complaining to her is not an option. But by not saying anything, am I just blowing smoke so she gets a distorted view of the division and the overall moral (very low - for everyone). I know I should feel a responsibility to tell her about moral, but she probably knows its bad and if I do tell her, I would have to censor myself so as not to potentially say something inappropriate. She is very good at asking questions and I am afraid if she starts probing, I might really open up about how I feel. That is a bad thing.
So based on this, I decided quickly to chose a third option - I ate lunch at my desk. A friend got her lunch and joined me and I got to vent in private, behind the door. Probably a good thing.
Always be looking for other options. I think it saved me today. In the meantime, I hope to hold it in and see if the job materializes. If it does, I may stay longer - I will put in a six month contract with myself to see how it turns out.
Options: they are a good thing.
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