Just being nominated is an honor!

It's time once again two of my favorite things in this world:  (1) The Academy Awards and (2) my chance to bitch about them.  Last year, SeaBass and I had so much fun coming up with new awards, I thought we should do it again this year ("...and the Oscar should go to...").

Sadly, he was not as into it as much as I was - somehow we got off to talking about how much of the stimulus bill funds that were going to Minnesota would be used in the recount lawsuit between Franken and Coleman (our guess was somewhere around half).  I think we did most of our best work last year and made the changes that we thought were necessary, but I still feel there is some work to do.  So with that, I give you my expanded list of Oscars for 2008:  

The "It" Girl Award:

Every year there seems to be one up and coming young actress which all the tabloids and media idolize.  It is the same pattern - the actress starts off as a relative unknown, has one or two good parts and her popularity expands exponentially, consuming everything in its path, feeding upon it self to the point where she can not be avoided.  Past winners would have included Julia Roberts and Renee Zellweger.  This year had a clear winner in my book:  Anne Hathaway.  This process started for her last year, and has steadily grown, unchecked.  

Just Shut the F-up Award:

This is slightly different from the "We won't ever award you anything again because you won't shut up" Award (given to Michael Moore - every year he will win it).  Instead of banning someone who likes to use the award stage to preach, this award is given to someone who uses his movies to preach his particular views, passing off fiction as fact.  It was a tough call, but this year the "Shut the f-up award" goes to Oliver Stone, narrowly edging out Bill "wanna-be" Maher.  His movies have moved from entertainment to becoming faux-documentaries.  The worst part is, I can't tell if he really believes his lies, or if he is just doing it for money; I'm not sure which is worse.  I shudder to think that the youth of America might actually learn their history lessons from watching his lies.    

The Controversy Award:

What would the Academy Awards be without a good controversy?  Well, it would be just like it is today.  The Academy tries to make this a feel good event, and hide any unpleasantries away from the public's view.  But still, they manage to come up again and again (Who could forget the the Best Director award in 2002. "Mr. Polanski will not be accepting his Best Director Oscar, as he would be arrested for statutory rape the moment he steps foot on American soil.")  This years controversial award winner goes to Heath Ledger.  If he wins the Best Supporting Actor award, there will be controversy on who will accept the award on his behalf (are they really going to make his daughter pick it up).  If he doesn't win, the Academy will be accused of not giving him the award to avoid this controversy.  Basically, no matter what happens, there will be controversy.

The Comeback Award:

This award is so simple and obvious, I can't remember why it didn't make the list last year.  The requirement is simple:  give an award to an actor that everyone thought was done and that there could be no way they could every act, much less be a box office draw, ever again.  But somehow, they make a comeback.  The clear winner this year goes to Mr. Robert Downey Jr.  Welcome back!

Best Comedic Support Award:

This award goes to someone who provides the best comedic assistance to a movie (which might have really sucked without it).  Ideally, the part is small, memorable, and unexpected.  John Candy deserves a lifetime achievement award in this category.  This years winner, goes to Tom Cruise for his work in "Tropic Thunder", narrowly edging out Robert Downey Jr.  Mr. Cruise won primarily because it was so unexpected and so out of character (I can't really think of anything he has done previously that was even remotely funny).  He was so good, I was actually willing to start paying to go see movies he stared in (like "Valykrie")

These are my suggestions for this year.  And yes, the George Clooney Award goes to George Clooney again this year for his work in, oh, lets say "Leatherheads".