So this morning on was on the treadmill, trying to work of some of the wine from last night (tasty, tasty, wine). Some woman gets on the treadmill directly next to mine, and proceeds to make phone calls and blather on the whole time I was there. I could be out of date on this one, and maybe it is socially acceptable to do this on the East coast where personal space is at a premium, but here in the Midwest I thought it particularly rude to disturb the peace and quiet, especially where there were other machines open further away from me and everyone else who was trying to redeem themselves for their misdeeds of last night.
That is not, however, the subject of my rudeness rant today, though. No, it is a topic which has been bothering me for a long time, and one which I am afraid is too late to do anything about. Because of the direness of the situation, this posting will be bereft of any pretense of decorum and kindness. I'll start with a basic lesson in rudimentary manners for all the ignorant masses out there:
The correct response when someone says "thank you" is "you're welcome"
"Yep", "Uh-hun", "Yeah", or "Hunn" are not acceptable responses. They are rude, disrespectful vocal ejaculations to an offering of kindness and respect. This problem has reached epic proportions, so much so, that I am beginning to appreciate silence rather than a mock-backhanded insult. I don't know when and where people started forgetting this most basic rule, but to me this signals the total downfall of society.
Growing up in the South, manners are beaten into you. I remember thinking what a pain this is as a kid, but as an adult (sorta) I have come to recognize their importance in a functioning society. Apparently, these rules have never made it to the midwest. I am continuously shocked an appalled at the lack of manners both from adults and the lack of discipline for their children. Maybe all the Scandinavians here are not used to anyone behaving nicely to them, or having their children act like they were raised by wolves is part of their culture. Whatever it is, this is by far the worst behaved, worst mannered part of the world I have ever spent time, and to me it starts with a basic rules of politeness, which is obviously beyond everyone in the 32nd state. About the best I can hope for when I say "thank you" is when someone says "thank you" in response. It takes all my self control not to snap back and say "what for? for not pointing out what a rude jack@ss you are?" I don't know whether I should be mad at them for such rudeness or pity them for being such ignorant morons they don't know the basics of engaging with another human being.
I knew a fellow, Jeff P, who lived in Minneapolis. Like me, he was not from here, but he moved here for a job. Jeff P, in my opinion, was the best looking, most suave and charming man in the state of Minnesota (yes, I have a non-sexual crush on him). Never one to be settled with the status quo, Jeff P always had a new and charming way to respond to "thank you". Some of my favorites included "my pleasure", "charmed", "anytime" and "no thanks are needed". He always said them with eye contact and a smile on his face.
Sadly, Jeff P moved from Minneapolis onto bigger and better things; we missed him when he left and we still feel his loss today.
Thank you for your attention.
2 comments:
You're welcome :)
As a midwesterner, I'm wondering if perhaps you are mistaking rudeness for Minnesotan modesty.
I was raised in that cheese-loving state next door (hence the username . . . ) and was taught to say "you're welcome" in response thank you. In moving to Minnesota, I have noticed that the response to thank you sometimes is not "you're welcome." It may be one of the unidentified noises you mentioned - but one thing I have also learned about the culture is that often that response is not tied to rudeness, but to modesty.
In keeping with the Scandinavian tradition, Minnesotans do not like to raise attention about anything, most importantly themselves. In saying "thank you", you are stating, in essence, I'm grateful you did something you did not need to do. (you helped dig out their car from a snowbank, you opened the door when their arms were full of groceries.) You say thank you, and they respond with an inarticulate sound because they believe they were doing what any normal human being would do and should not receive any praise for being a decent human being. As a modest Scandinavian, they do not feel such normal behavior should be acknowledged. (If you don't believe me on this, I'm happy to refer you to multiple Garison Keillor books on this topic). In fact, I find myself embarrased at times when people say thank you when I have felt like I have done nothing, and I turn my head to the right and mutter something like "hmchiw heh" or "don't be silly"
It's possible as we have moved away from those roots, that the non-response is simply a learned behavior from earlier generations of modest Minnesotans, but be careful before criticizing all as rude. Perhaps it's not the response you want, but up here it's the response that may be culturally appropriate given the Scandinavian roots of modesty
And yes, J.P. is the suavest, handsomest, etc., but keep in mind his responses were probably not motivated out of modesty. His responses were a worthy response for who he is and where he came from - which was not Minnesotan Scandinavian roots.
Post a Comment