Enjoy!
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Let me begin this posting with the following disclaimers:
(1) I have no social, political or religious interests in the year 2008. The fact there is a presidential election this year means nothing to me; I could see myself voting for Hillary as easily as I could see me voting for McCain. My only real interest in '08 is that it is '80 backwards.
(2) I have broken my promise to swear off booze for 30 days (starting on Dec 30th), so this whole posting will be replete with spelling, grammatical, and other context errors combined with the fact I am a big fat liar.
Myself and others (most notably my friend Gassman) were at some fancy pants event at the Chamber's Hotel in downtown Minneapolis. The event was overall fun. It was on the 5th floor of the Chambers Hotel in downtown Minnie. It is a nice place, with a good view. But then again, the 5th floor of a hotel in Minnie is like the view from base camp of Mt. Everest; sure it is nice, but it could be much better! The worst part of the the view was I could see the Groves 601 hotel, which has the most insanely comfortable beds I have ever slept in. All other beds are crap in comparison. I don't know how I can even think of having a good night's sleep just looking at that hotel, and their plush, comfortable, seductive beds.... oh mama!
How to begin this year. Let see. The evening did not get interesting till about 11:15 Central Time. At this time, we started texting friends in the Eastern Time zone (the REAL time zone) with messages from the past (don't forget us! We are not gone!). This was fun for a while, but then we needed booze.
11:30 pm - First contact with the future! We received text messages back. Friends from the East coast are (a) still awake and (b) still communicating with those strange creatures they call Midwesterners-in-the-mist.
11:37 pm - make new friend at the bar. Older guy who is having trouble getting drink at the bar. We help him out, but only after he threatens to steal our mini-bottles of champagne. He quickly discerns that Gassman and I are not from Minnesota. When we asked him how he knew, he responds simply, "because we were smiling"
11:49 pm - last call, before new years at least. nothing too exciting to report. Just the last call before booze for 2007. As far as I am concerned, this past year can go. Nothing good really happened as far as I am concerned. No great political changes occurred (in this country at least), most of the movies sucked (outside of "No Country for Old Men"' if it doesn't win the Oscar for Best Picture, then something is wrong), and the music generally blew (but I did get to hear one track from Radiohead's new release, which could make the whole year worthwhile). Plus the spread of grey hairs went far beyond (and below) my head.
11:57 pm - 3 minutes till next year. See above. What the fricking h#ll do I care.
12:00 am - the past three minutes take about 12 seconds to pass. This is either due to (a) my watch not being synchronized to the world clock or (b) being much drunker than I thought. I am fairly certain that it is (b).
12:25 am - Gassman wants to go outside for a smoke. No sense in greeting the new year tobacco free, I guess; We talk with a guy named Johan, or Jonathan, or something similar to John with an Eastern European accent. He talks about his desire to get a job trading in the futures market for Frozen Concentrated Orange Juice, or something like that, once he graduates. From Undergraduate studies at the University of Minnesota. I give him some advice, say good luck and head in. He says thanks and calls me "Sir". I despise 2008 already.
12:35 am - Start texting friends in California. I tell them the new year isn't all that it is cracked up to be. If you can stay in 2007, please do - and take me with you. Maybe I have been too tough on the old year. There were some good reality shows I got hooked on, and the Family Guy made a strong comeback.
12:55 am - Back at the bar with the old drunk, his friend and Gassman. We somehow got on the topic of modern music (and how it sucks), when someone grabs my @ss. There are only three people within grabbing distance of me are Gassman and the old drunk, and his new friend. I am fairly certain it wasn't Gassman who grabbed me. Rather than starting out the year punching a member of AARP, I decide to move locations.
1:32 am - I have officially made it into the next year, and I am officially tired and uninterested in anything that is going to happen this year that can not wait till a good night's sleep. We bail.
1:37 am - although we are only a few stories up, it takes forever to get down. I stop of in the restroom to see if my kidneys still function in '08. Once I do, I am greeted by the Minnesota winter, and the fun of a zero degree day with negative wind chill. I have boogers frozen solid in my nose.
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Gassman was also tired and took off while I went to the can. I find out later that he witnessed an arrest, vandals attacking Rock Bottom brewery and someone tried to mug him for his coat. He decides not to fall for the old "finger in the pants pocket is really a gun" trick and walks away, with coat still on. I stagger home and start writing. I eventually succumb to sleep and what would be one of the worst hangovers I have had in recent memory. I think the old perv at the bar slipped something into my drink (b@stard). Anyway, it took a while, but I am back on the mend.
My opinion of 2008 hasn't changed, though.
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