Facebook posts I wish I could have made in China

Last week I was traveling in China, and I had no access to Facebook. I know different folks have different views of China; personally, I love traveling there. The team I work with is great, the people are very nice and generous, and there is a non-stop stream of moments that were just downright funny, that I wish I could have posted. I am sure I am missing some, I know, but here are the highlights of the past week:


• While in the Shanghai Museum, there was a map of China that included Taiwan. Two Americans were talking and one asked the other “I thought Taiwan was a separate country?” A helpful Chinese woman explained that, no, Taiwan was a province of China. Yep, let it go; I’m a guest here.

• The items they tried to sell me the most on the street were, in order: watches, “massages”, and handbags. If I stopped moving, it would take them about 10 sec to hit me up. If I kept moving, about a minute.

• Speaking of “massages”, the funniest offer I saw: “Massage and free internet”. Yep, talk about knowing your target audience. Saddest offer of massage, the woman who tried to prostitute her 12 year old daughter on me. Just. Sad.

• I took an internal flight in China. Never have I seen a faster loading and unloading of an airplane. I guess like the one child policy, there is a one bag policy they follow – whatever it is, the whole process was fast.

• I have a coworker who hates going to China; he is a bit of a germaphobe and finds everything dirty. I would advise him to avoid restrooms in train stations, especially the one in Guangzhou. Yikes!

• When one of my Chinese coworkers, was in the US, he goes on shopping sprees for clothes. It is not for brands you can’t get in China, but for basics, like t-shirts, socks, and thing like that. He explained “The stuff made in the US is so much better, not like that Chinese made crap!” Ummm, I don’t think it is made in the US, but thanks!

• The most popular models were Volkswagen and Toyota. The most popular US made car: Buick. I don’t know why. Tiger Woods appeal? I did see some Chinese made cars but the team scoffed at them “You have to be REALLY poor and desperate to drive one of those!”

• I was continuously amazed at the kindness of strangers. At busy, crowded train stations, people would help us with our suitcases and boxes we were transporting. In the US, all you would get is dirty looks and complaints. Here, folks were willing to help you carry them. Wild.

• I watched the one season of “Firefly”. I was a little disappointed I didn’t get the opportunity to use any of the new curse words I learned from that show.

• I got asked about my religion several times and if I was Christian and went to Church. They asked me about how many other Americans were practicing Christians. I told them that most Americans were born and raised Christian, but that a lot didn’t go to Church. That provoked the question that stumped me: “why not?”

• Normally, when they serve you food, the host tells you what it is and the region where it originated. One time, they served a dish and just said “try it”. As soon as I took a bite, everyone at the table looked at me and smiled, and then our host says “you know, I think most Americans only eat chicken or beef. They don’t think of other animals as good sources of protein.” He didn’t say anything else; he just let that comment hang out there to see what I would do. I just kept eating. I think I know what it was, and yes, it would be gross to an American. The way I figure it, a billion Chinese eat this food every day; its gotta be fine.

• Also on the topic of food, “Chinese will eat everything at the table, and if you don’t stop them, maybe the table too!”

• No one willing to drink and drive. I found it odd, but they all took the new drinking and driving laws very seriously and they would not touch a drop if they were driving. I was surprised, but then I thought back to the incident with the baby formula that killed all those babies a few years ago. The punishment for the executives in charge: they were executed. So yeah, I can see why they might take these laws seriously.

• They also asked a lot if I was married and had kids. I was told, “you should marry a Southern woman. They are more traditional, they are good cooks, and they care deeply for their family. Northeast women are bad mothers who don’t raise their kids well, and they only want to make themselves up, drive around in expensive cars, and spend, spend, spend!” And by Southern women, he meant Southern Chinese women.

• One of my contacts was taking about how much he liked American music and movies, and he excitedly told me how you can download them off the Internet and they were all free, FREE! Free – stolen, yeah, let’s call that a cultural difference.

• And lastly, randomly running into friends you haven’t seen in years is so much more fun when you are 5000 miles from home.