Skyfall: my review

I was excited to see the new Bond movie.  In reality, though, I’m excited to see ANY new Bond movie.  I am a fan.  I look forward to the release years in advance and I try to see the new ones as soon as possible.  I don’t read the reviews, and I try to stay away from the conversation about the new Bond movies, so as not to be corrupted either in favor or against it before I see it:  It’s a Bond movie; I am bound to find something I like.

Usually. 

Friday night I went to see Skyfall.  For those of you who have not seen it and don’t want to be influenced, stop reading….now.  Do not continue any further.  If you keep reading, I will share with you my opinion which could bias your opinion. 

Okay – you have been warned.

I didn’t like it.  I thought it was average at best.  Weak story, unconvincing villan, no real action but no real drama either.  I walked away thinking it was weak.  There have been plenty of bad Bond movies.  Sometimes the plot was weak but the Bond was great.  Sometimes the story was there but the Bond was weak.  Sometimes both (Timothy Dalton: I’m talking to you).  This one, it was the former.  Craig was good but the story was weak.  But how weak?

The only way to say is to give my rankings of the Bond movies and figure out where Skyfall lands.  I tried to make it a straight ranking 1-23, but that was too tough.  Instead, I broke them into tiers, with the movies in alphabetic order.  And because there are 23, I broke them into unequal groups, reflecting the level of goodness (or more likely, suckiness) of each section.  These are not based on any scientific ranking, or box office success.  They are my personal views based on the many hours I have invested watching the Bond franchise.

Top 5:

“Casino Royal” - Strong Debut for Mr. Craig.

“For Your Eyes Only” – I know, I know, I am in the minority on this one, but watch it honestly and tell me you don’t agree that this is one of the best.  To me, it moved away from the cartoonish mega-villains bend on world domination, and it had a story that was very real and possible during the cold war.  It kept Moore in the role for two more movies, even though he was getting long in the tooth.

“From Russia with Love” – Classic Connery set in one of the battleground nations during the Cold War. 

“Goldfinger” – Obviously.

“The Spy who Loved Me” – The other Roger Moore entry in my top 5, but is the complete opposite of “Eyes”.  This was the peak of gadgetry and mega-villans determined to destroy the world, with their armies in orange jumpsuits.  Moore and Bach was a great combo. 

5-10

“Diamonds are Forever” - Jill St. John could be my favorite Bond Girl.  Connery did a good job returning to the role, though he did look a bit like an auto mechanic.

“Dr. No” – The movie that launched the franchise has to be a top contender.

“Moonraker” – Total guilty pleasure.  I have no other defense.

“Thunderball” – It takes a hit from the top-5 because of the “Never Say Never Again” ‘remake’.

“You Only Live Twice” – I’m just noticing a lot of the space movies are in this group.  I don’t know what that means, but still, this was a great Connery film, but a step below the best.

10-15

“Goldeneye” – best of Pierce Brosnan. Shame – I thought he was a good Bond, but it has been tough to write good scripts post-cold war

“Octopussy” – it’s fun.  Admit it.  You like it. 

“On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” – This would be further down, but I hadn’t seen it 10 years, so it gets a pass

“The Living Daylights” – Best of Dalton, but that is not saying as much as Best of Brosnan.  I can’t figure out Timothy Dalton – he decides to follow Moore as Bond, then he follows Clark Gable as Rhett Butler.  Is this guy a sadist or what?

“The Man with the Golden Gun” – Love or hate it, you have an AMC POS doing a barrel roll.  No CGI – you crash, you die.  That gets you a ticket to the top half, automatically.

15-18

“Live and Let Die” – Song helped this one in the ratings department.

“Quantum of Solace” – nobody wanted to say bad things about this one because we all loved Casino Royal and it had been such a long time since there was a really good Bond movie.  But be honest – it stunk.

“Skyfail” – sorry, “Skyfall”.  Right there with another Craig movie, that isn’t “Casino Royal”.  If we are ranking Bonds, he is starting to look like a one trick pony.

“A View to a Kill” – Another guilty pleasure movie.  In much the same way that I enjoy Rocky IV, I like this movie.  I know I shouldn’t but I do.  So sue me.

Bottom 4

“Die Another Day” – Halle Berry in a bikini and the Ford Auto Show can’t save it.  It’s a shame too, cause I really, really think Brosnan was a good Bond.

“License to Kill” – The three things good in this movie are: 1. Benicio del Toro, 2. The two really hot women, 3. Wayne Newton.  That is all.

“The World is not Enough” – Denise Richards as scientist pushes the limit of suspension of disbelief into places it should not go.

“Tomorrow Never Dies” – Sad, tired story.  It’s a shame.  I thought Pierce was good and Michelle Yeoh was awesome – and she was 5 months pregnant during that kick ass Motocycle chase.  Q was funny as the rental car agent, but still, this couldn’t save it.  Just a tired, worn out, sad, old, used up story.