Skyfall: my review

I was excited to see the new Bond movie.  In reality, though, I’m excited to see ANY new Bond movie.  I am a fan.  I look forward to the release years in advance and I try to see the new ones as soon as possible.  I don’t read the reviews, and I try to stay away from the conversation about the new Bond movies, so as not to be corrupted either in favor or against it before I see it:  It’s a Bond movie; I am bound to find something I like.

Usually. 

Friday night I went to see Skyfall.  For those of you who have not seen it and don’t want to be influenced, stop reading….now.  Do not continue any further.  If you keep reading, I will share with you my opinion which could bias your opinion. 

Okay – you have been warned.

I didn’t like it.  I thought it was average at best.  Weak story, unconvincing villan, no real action but no real drama either.  I walked away thinking it was weak.  There have been plenty of bad Bond movies.  Sometimes the plot was weak but the Bond was great.  Sometimes the story was there but the Bond was weak.  Sometimes both (Timothy Dalton: I’m talking to you).  This one, it was the former.  Craig was good but the story was weak.  But how weak?

The only way to say is to give my rankings of the Bond movies and figure out where Skyfall lands.  I tried to make it a straight ranking 1-23, but that was too tough.  Instead, I broke them into tiers, with the movies in alphabetic order.  And because there are 23, I broke them into unequal groups, reflecting the level of goodness (or more likely, suckiness) of each section.  These are not based on any scientific ranking, or box office success.  They are my personal views based on the many hours I have invested watching the Bond franchise.

Top 5:

“Casino Royal” - Strong Debut for Mr. Craig.

“For Your Eyes Only” – I know, I know, I am in the minority on this one, but watch it honestly and tell me you don’t agree that this is one of the best.  To me, it moved away from the cartoonish mega-villains bend on world domination, and it had a story that was very real and possible during the cold war.  It kept Moore in the role for two more movies, even though he was getting long in the tooth.

“From Russia with Love” – Classic Connery set in one of the battleground nations during the Cold War. 

“Goldfinger” – Obviously.

“The Spy who Loved Me” – The other Roger Moore entry in my top 5, but is the complete opposite of “Eyes”.  This was the peak of gadgetry and mega-villans determined to destroy the world, with their armies in orange jumpsuits.  Moore and Bach was a great combo. 

5-10

“Diamonds are Forever” - Jill St. John could be my favorite Bond Girl.  Connery did a good job returning to the role, though he did look a bit like an auto mechanic.

“Dr. No” – The movie that launched the franchise has to be a top contender.

“Moonraker” – Total guilty pleasure.  I have no other defense.

“Thunderball” – It takes a hit from the top-5 because of the “Never Say Never Again” ‘remake’.

“You Only Live Twice” – I’m just noticing a lot of the space movies are in this group.  I don’t know what that means, but still, this was a great Connery film, but a step below the best.

10-15

“Goldeneye” – best of Pierce Brosnan. Shame – I thought he was a good Bond, but it has been tough to write good scripts post-cold war

“Octopussy” – it’s fun.  Admit it.  You like it. 

“On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” – This would be further down, but I hadn’t seen it 10 years, so it gets a pass

“The Living Daylights” – Best of Dalton, but that is not saying as much as Best of Brosnan.  I can’t figure out Timothy Dalton – he decides to follow Moore as Bond, then he follows Clark Gable as Rhett Butler.  Is this guy a sadist or what?

“The Man with the Golden Gun” – Love or hate it, you have an AMC POS doing a barrel roll.  No CGI – you crash, you die.  That gets you a ticket to the top half, automatically.

15-18

“Live and Let Die” – Song helped this one in the ratings department.

“Quantum of Solace” – nobody wanted to say bad things about this one because we all loved Casino Royal and it had been such a long time since there was a really good Bond movie.  But be honest – it stunk.

“Skyfail” – sorry, “Skyfall”.  Right there with another Craig movie, that isn’t “Casino Royal”.  If we are ranking Bonds, he is starting to look like a one trick pony.

“A View to a Kill” – Another guilty pleasure movie.  In much the same way that I enjoy Rocky IV, I like this movie.  I know I shouldn’t but I do.  So sue me.

Bottom 4

“Die Another Day” – Halle Berry in a bikini and the Ford Auto Show can’t save it.  It’s a shame too, cause I really, really think Brosnan was a good Bond.

“License to Kill” – The three things good in this movie are: 1. Benicio del Toro, 2. The two really hot women, 3. Wayne Newton.  That is all.

“The World is not Enough” – Denise Richards as scientist pushes the limit of suspension of disbelief into places it should not go.

“Tomorrow Never Dies” – Sad, tired story.  It’s a shame.  I thought Pierce was good and Michelle Yeoh was awesome – and she was 5 months pregnant during that kick ass Motocycle chase.  Q was funny as the rental car agent, but still, this couldn’t save it.  Just a tired, worn out, sad, old, used up story.

Facebook posts I wish I could have made in China

Last week I was traveling in China, and I had no access to Facebook. I know different folks have different views of China; personally, I love traveling there. The team I work with is great, the people are very nice and generous, and there is a non-stop stream of moments that were just downright funny, that I wish I could have posted. I am sure I am missing some, I know, but here are the highlights of the past week:


• While in the Shanghai Museum, there was a map of China that included Taiwan. Two Americans were talking and one asked the other “I thought Taiwan was a separate country?” A helpful Chinese woman explained that, no, Taiwan was a province of China. Yep, let it go; I’m a guest here.

• The items they tried to sell me the most on the street were, in order: watches, “massages”, and handbags. If I stopped moving, it would take them about 10 sec to hit me up. If I kept moving, about a minute.

• Speaking of “massages”, the funniest offer I saw: “Massage and free internet”. Yep, talk about knowing your target audience. Saddest offer of massage, the woman who tried to prostitute her 12 year old daughter on me. Just. Sad.

• I took an internal flight in China. Never have I seen a faster loading and unloading of an airplane. I guess like the one child policy, there is a one bag policy they follow – whatever it is, the whole process was fast.

• I have a coworker who hates going to China; he is a bit of a germaphobe and finds everything dirty. I would advise him to avoid restrooms in train stations, especially the one in Guangzhou. Yikes!

• When one of my Chinese coworkers, was in the US, he goes on shopping sprees for clothes. It is not for brands you can’t get in China, but for basics, like t-shirts, socks, and thing like that. He explained “The stuff made in the US is so much better, not like that Chinese made crap!” Ummm, I don’t think it is made in the US, but thanks!

• The most popular models were Volkswagen and Toyota. The most popular US made car: Buick. I don’t know why. Tiger Woods appeal? I did see some Chinese made cars but the team scoffed at them “You have to be REALLY poor and desperate to drive one of those!”

• I was continuously amazed at the kindness of strangers. At busy, crowded train stations, people would help us with our suitcases and boxes we were transporting. In the US, all you would get is dirty looks and complaints. Here, folks were willing to help you carry them. Wild.

• I watched the one season of “Firefly”. I was a little disappointed I didn’t get the opportunity to use any of the new curse words I learned from that show.

• I got asked about my religion several times and if I was Christian and went to Church. They asked me about how many other Americans were practicing Christians. I told them that most Americans were born and raised Christian, but that a lot didn’t go to Church. That provoked the question that stumped me: “why not?”

• Normally, when they serve you food, the host tells you what it is and the region where it originated. One time, they served a dish and just said “try it”. As soon as I took a bite, everyone at the table looked at me and smiled, and then our host says “you know, I think most Americans only eat chicken or beef. They don’t think of other animals as good sources of protein.” He didn’t say anything else; he just let that comment hang out there to see what I would do. I just kept eating. I think I know what it was, and yes, it would be gross to an American. The way I figure it, a billion Chinese eat this food every day; its gotta be fine.

• Also on the topic of food, “Chinese will eat everything at the table, and if you don’t stop them, maybe the table too!”

• No one willing to drink and drive. I found it odd, but they all took the new drinking and driving laws very seriously and they would not touch a drop if they were driving. I was surprised, but then I thought back to the incident with the baby formula that killed all those babies a few years ago. The punishment for the executives in charge: they were executed. So yeah, I can see why they might take these laws seriously.

• They also asked a lot if I was married and had kids. I was told, “you should marry a Southern woman. They are more traditional, they are good cooks, and they care deeply for their family. Northeast women are bad mothers who don’t raise their kids well, and they only want to make themselves up, drive around in expensive cars, and spend, spend, spend!” And by Southern women, he meant Southern Chinese women.

• One of my contacts was taking about how much he liked American music and movies, and he excitedly told me how you can download them off the Internet and they were all free, FREE! Free – stolen, yeah, let’s call that a cultural difference.

• And lastly, randomly running into friends you haven’t seen in years is so much more fun when you are 5000 miles from home.

Lori Petty, why do I hate you so?

It started right before lunch.  SeaBass came by and I made some obscure comment that needed explaining, and the explanation had to do with a scene in the movie "Tank Girl".  Yes, embarrassing.  If you haven't seen the movie, don't.  If you have, I am sorry for bringing it up, which I regretted the moment I mentioned it to SeaBass, as I know he would not let me live this one down.

"Wasn't that the horrible movie with Lori Petty?".  Yes, but the music was good.  Or at least the songs by Bjork, plus the great rendition of "Let's do it!  Let's fall in love!" by Joan Jett and Paul Westerberg, which was the basis of my random comment, the one which I will never live down.  "I guess the music was good, but the movie was horrible and Lori Petty was just downright hateful!"  Yes, SeaBass had a point, one I could not argue.

We started talking about guilty pleasure movies, ones we don't want to admit we like, but really, we do.  While I had Lori Petty on the mind, I brought up another movie she was in that I just saw last week, "Point Break."  I should hate this movie.  It violates one of my long standing rules on movies that have both a "Swayze" and "Reeves" but yeah, I do like it.  There are parts that are ridiculous, but when you have Gary Busey in the movie, it greatly expands the definition of suspension of disbelief.

It's not a bad movie, except for the female lead played by, yes, Lori Petty.

"What else has she been in?" SeaBass asked.

Not sure.  The only other movie I can think of with her is "A League of Their Own", which, unlike "Tank Girl" and "Point Break", "League" is actually considered to be a really good movie by a large segment of movie viewers.  It had a great cast and with Tom Hanks and Geena Davis, plus great comedic parts by Rosie O'Donnell, Madonna, and the always entertaining Jon Lovitz (side note:  has anyone ever packed more humor into a movie with less screen time?  "Wanna play in a girl's baseball league?  They'll pay you 75 dollars a week", "We only make 30 at the dairy", "Well then, this would be more, wouldn't it?").

"Lori Petty was in that?  Who was she?"

The little sister.

"What the annoying one who was whined the whole movie?"

Yes.  That's the one.    

"I don't remember her.  I guess I blocked her out."

Which is exactly what I would like to do.  I can't figure out why, but Lori Petty, I hate you so, and I don't know why.

It's not because you are unattractive.  Quite the opposite.  It's not your looks, it is not your voice, it is not your acting.  You are not too spunky nor do you seem to be high maintenance.  You have never behaved like an overprivileged Hollywood celebrity, nor have you tried to redeem yourself with any weird celebrity causes (at least none that I have heard of).  But for some reason, Lori Petty, I hate you, and I don't know why.

Scripps National Spelling Bee: The Drinking Game

On Thursday, the greatest sporting event in the world will have its grand finale.  Its not the Super Bowl, not the World Cup, not the Olympics:  Its the Scripps National Spelling Bee.  For those of you who have not seen it, it is the greatest exhibition of drama and the gentlemanly spirit of competition that most all other sports are lacking.  

The basic structure of the competition is you take a bunch or smart, kinda nerdy kids, with supportive/overbearing parents, and ask them to spell incredibly difficult and obscure words in under two minutes.  If you have never seen it, you are missing a great competition.

It is a also a great opportunity for a drinking game.

I did a quick search on the topic, and I did find a few drinking games that have been created for the spelling bee, but most of them were either lame or racist.  Sometimes both.  As an avid watcher, frequent drinker and poor speller, I thought I would suggest a version that would be more conducive to the competition.   Below are the baseline drinking rules I would suggest, but as always, creative wagering is encouraged.

Unofficial Scripps Spelling Bee Drinking Game:  
Drinks are taken when....

1. If a word is misspelled (obviously)
2. If all the contestants make it through the round, with no one misspelling a word (this gets tough when there are only two contestants left in the competition)
3. If in a contestants profile, they mention that one of their favorite hobbies is playing chess.
4. If the head pronouncer, Dr. Alex Cameron, makes them repeat the pronunciation at least (3) times.  If he adds in the phrase "I think he/she has got it", finish your beverage.
5. If the contestant asks for either the definition, sentence, part of speech, language of origin or alternate pronunciation (3) or more times for any (1) word.  Subsequent requests of the same word require additional drinks.
6. If after a contestant gets eliminated, and the dad gets a hug before mom.  (don't worry; it never happens - mom always gets the first hug).
7. If after getting a word correct, they miss the high 5 from a fellow contestant.
8. If a contestant faints during the competition, finish your beverage (it has happened before).
9. If a contestant gets asked an inane question from one of the ESPN reporters that causes them to either raise an eyebrow in disbelief, or roll their eyes, have a drink.  (you can only pray that Stewart Scott gets invited back to do the post elimination interviews)

I hope this will make your viewing experience even more enjoyable!

Good speling

Remember Charlotte Simmons

"When Al Sharpton starts supporting your cause, be afraid. Be very afraid" - Anonymous

On Feb 23, 2012 Travyon Martin was shot and killed by George Zimmerman. Zimmerman claimed he acted in self defense and he has not - as of now - been charged with any crime. This is a fact and a tragedy. Since that Feb night, questions have been raised on what actually happened. Zimmerman's claim of acting in self defense has been questioned and their is a growing majority who now think he is a racist. A Gallup poll conducted on April 5 shows that a majority of Americans (both black and white), think that race played a part in the shooting.

All of this may be true. I have tried not to get caught up in the hysteria and anger surrounding this case, but it seems almost impossible to do so. Everyone has an opinion, and both sides are getting more and more virulent. To me, the whole event is becoming eerily reminiscent of Charlotte Simmons.

"I am Charlotte Simmons" is a book written by Tom Wolfe in 2004. The book told the story of a Southern University, with dreams of grandeur, who prided itself on its political correctness and progressiveness, but it was in reality, ruled by jocks and drunks, the worst of this group was the lacrosse team. What does this book have to do with anything? It was eerily similar to what "happened" on with the Duke lacrosse team in 2006, when three white players were accused of raping two black strippers. The only difference was, in the real version, charges were filed, and a very nasty racially charged media frenzy began.

Duke University and Durham were primed for such an event. Durham the city is poor and has a very large black population. Duke is spectacularly beautiful and it is attended largely by wealthy white and non-black students. Resentment and hatred had to have been brewing for years. It was like the Falkland Islands to Argentina; it was a prize that was tantalizingly close, that no one dared to take it, until one day they did (or tried). Same thing for Duke and Durham: residents wanted to give these rich kids their come-uppance. Then one day, someone did. Charges were brought forward and the whole country got angry. Everyone assumed the Duke students were guilty and the lacrosse team were a bunch of racist pigs. The program was suspended, and there were calls for the whole team's expulsion. Rallies occurred condemning the students and the team. Supporting the accused was an admission of racism. Everyone rallied together to universally condemn the students and the university because they were wrong and we were right.

Only one problem: they weren't guilty. They had been set up.

Former DA Mike Nifong arranged the whole event to rally support for himself so he could win re-election. Eventually, the whole messy affair was exposed and the students cleared, but that would take several years and many embarrassed faces. Faculty and students who had shunned the players now showed unity and support for the program. Apparently, they had made a mistake. Everyone had the best of intentions and they were convinced they were on the side of might and right, but they weren't. Those who condemned the students were all proven wrong.

To me, the situation that is unfolding with Travyon Martin is eerily reminiscent of those early days of the Duke Lacrosse case. Someone brings up the racism card, and we all rally to the cause. Not only is Zimmerman guilty, he is a racist with an agenda. He is the worst form of human filth and he must be shunned.

Granted, there are a lot of differences between the two cases. No one is disputing that Zimmerman shot Travyon. A lot of folks, myself included, question the policy of allowing neighborhood watch programs to carry weapons. It is the racist rally cry that bothers me the most. Its impossible to defend yourself against, and it warps public opinion against you. The majority of folks hate him and they haven't even met him. If he ever does get charged, a fair trial will be next to impossible. I wish him luck; he is going to need it.

Quest for a Tar Heel Bar

It happened again yesterday.

My alma mater, the Tar Heels of North Carolina, were playing in the ACC tourney; it was a game I needed to watch. Note, I did not say I wanted to watch it, but I "needed" to watch it. Plus, I was hungry, and I had no food in my home. So I head over to the Bullfrog, one of the local establishments a few blocks from my home. Eric the bartender is there. "Do you want something to eat, or a drink?" he asks. "Beer. The dang Tar Heels are on and they are losing."

And that is how it started.

Living in Minnesota, you are fairly well removed from the ACC and the loyalties/hatred to certain teams. Rarely do you meet someone from the ACC, but when you do it is generally friendly and it will involve the inevitable question of "why did we move here?" Rarely do you get a negative reaction. Today, however, was one of those days.

Something I did or said set off one of the guys at the bar next to me. It wasn't just a hatred of North Carolina, or a love of our opponent, NC State (no one loves State. not even NC State fans). For some reason this guy hated UNC or me, or both. It was more then run of the mill comments about regrettable players in our past (Timo Makkonen), but vicious comment about our cheating, overrated, corrupt program. It was pretty vicious stuff, worse then what you would hear in ACC country, and very surprising for Minnesota nice.

This being my home for the past 10+ years, I channeled my inner Minnesotan: I ignored him, said nothing, then waited till later to bitch about him to anyone who would listen (or read this). Then it hit me. I really, really need a Carolina bar.

Back in NC, I could find dozens of places to watch a UNC game among fans (or Dook haters). UNC fans need this. We are like early man; we need numbers for security, knowing that at any moment we could blow it. Having others there provides comfort and support, something we desperately need. The problem is, I don't have a place like that in Minnesota.

Overall, there are really not any good sports bars in downtown Minneapolis. There are a few bars that I have gone to that have TVs, good service, and generally have fans that won't bug me, but one by one, these bars have been cursed by horrific losses, and have been black listed for Tar Heel games (The Local, The News Room, Britts, etc). The only place where I had good mojo for me was the former-Hooters at block E (yeah, don't judge me). We went there because it was the only place that had multiple TVs, a great barkeep in the very un-Hooter like Megan, and that is where I watched every Tar Heel game during their 2009 run, which they won it all. Since then, they have closed down due to tax reasons (e.g. they didn't pay them), and I have yet to find a good replacement.

I tried Kieran's which is directly below the old Hooters. I figured maybe there was something about the spot where I watched the game, like there was a central vortex for positive Carolina mojo. It worked for the most part last year - we beat Marquette, avenging the horrific tourney loss in 1977, but it wasn't good enough to get to the final four (at one point. I was considering standing on the bar, just to get closer to the vortex, but was wisely advised this was not a good idea, not the least of which I would probably not be able to crawl up there).

Today I am going to try a new location, in Uptown, and I will be joined by folks who are pro UNC (or at least anti-dook; same-same). They know the pain of being a Tar Heel fan and they know better then to say stuff like "looks like you are going to win" when there is still time on the clock (for reference, you really should wait a good 5-10 minutes after the game before celebrating, just to make sure). Hopefully, we will have a win, and maybe I will find some other UNC fans and we can start to build up the support system we need before the tourney.

Go Heels!

Happy Freak Day

Today is the quad-annual "celebration" of February 29th, aka Leap Day, or as I like to think of it, Freak Day. February 29th is the proverbial left handed, red-headed step child of days, celebrated only once every four years. Unless the year is the last in a century (e.g. 1900), where we don't have a leap day, except if that year can be evenly divided by 400 (e.g. 2000) in which case we do.

Confused? You should be.

This is why this day is the freakiest of all in the calendar year. But beyond its schizophrenic appearance in our calendars, it is a reminder of man's insignificance in the cosmos and our inability to shape our world. Just like hurricanes, tsunamis and earthquakes, Leap Day is a reminder of how little control we have over the universe. The earth does not rotate in an easily divisible number of days, so we have Leap Day to retain order. Leap Day is a reminder that the universe does not bend to our rules. Mankind has put together a "system" with clever workarounds that attempt to put "order" into the universe.

Bullocks I say.

Rather then put a facade of "order" on our world, I think February 29th should be a chance to embrace disorder and our puny attempts to control our world. Let anarchy reign this one day every 4 years (or so). It will be like Pon Farr is for Vulcans; it will be a day where we are allowed to have a release from all the rules and conformity we put up with the rest of the year.

I say, on this day, all order and rules should be abandon and lets celebrate the fact that we really aren't in control of our world. People should be free to do what they want with no repercussions; it will be a clearing house day for all the pent up anxiety we have to endure to be part of society. On this day, do the things you always wanted to do, like

• Drive on the wrong side of the road
• Run with scissors
• Pee into the wind
• Cut the tag off your mattress
• Eat paste

Do all the things you want to do but "society" says you can't. Enjoy your freedom for this one day and celebrate the fact that you really are not in control of your world. Don't worry; "order" will resume on March 1.

Happy Freak Day!

SquirrelBook: My offer to you

So it hit me today.

I was thinking about all the talk about Facebook's planned Initial Public Offering (IPO). Estimates for the valuation range between $80 - 100 billion. Billion. As in three commas. US dollars, not Zimbabwe dollars. All for a site that just connects people together and changes its appearance (to its detriment) and shares your most personal information (although they said they would not).

That is when it hit me. For ease of math, lets split the difference on Facebook's valuation at $90 billion. As of December 2011, there were 840 million users. Again, for ease of math, lets say that has grown in the past month and half, so round it up to 900 million users. At $90 billion, that works out that Facebook is making $1000 for every user they have. $1000 per person to Zuckerburg and other Facebook owners, all for sharing your personal details, photos, likes, dislikes and connection to your friends. For all that you give, Facebook users get nothing, aside from an onslaught of poorly conceived ads and the possibility of having your privacy invaded and identity hacked. This hardly seems fair.

I think it is time to propose a different arrangement. Instead of others profiting from your privacy, I think users should be the one who profits. I am proposing a new social media site - lets call it SquirrelBook, which I would like you to join. We would ask you share some information, but only as much as you are comfortable doing. Use fake names and create an alternate identity if you like. Once we get enough of a critical mass, we will have an IPO, at which time, I promise to give every member a share of the proceeds.

Now, because I am not asking for as much personal information, the valuation will be lower. Lets say, it is half as good as Facebook's, so $500 a person. At a 50-50 split, that would be $250 to you. Heck, I don't want to be greedy - in order to get folks to sign up, I'll reduce my cut to 10%. You will get $450.

Since you now have a choice in your social network platform, lets compare the potential IPOs and the benefit to you:

Facebook: All your information is shared and you are automatically opted in to any changes that occur. In return you get nothing and Facebook makes $1000 off of you.

SquirrelBook: Limited information shared and the creation of alternate identities is encouraged. In return you get $450.

I think the choice is clear. We look forward to seeing you on SquirrelBook.

Stupid

I should have known it before I left my home this morning. I should have seen the warning signs, but I didn't. I had gone and made myself stupid.

I am not sure how it happened, or when exactly it happened, but it happened. The day started normally enough, I woke up, read in bed for a while (though I had trouble focusing on what I was reading), got up and made breakfast. Sometime between waking up and leaving home a few hours later, my transformation became complete: I have become a complete and total, mouth-breathing idiot.

After breakfast, I lounged in front of the TV, watching reruns of "Firefly" a series that I only partially liked, and one I could borrow to watch anytime I wanted (note: my friend Amy loaned me "Firefly" and the movie "Serenity" and I had them at home for over a year, before I watched either one. So yes, when I say I was only mildly interested in watching it, I really mean it). But, as lukewarm as I was to the series originally, it was on TV now, which meant I didn't have to choose. Plus, since I had seen the whole series, that meant I didn't need to think about a new plot (warning sign #1).

Worse, I was not really watching, but kinda listening. I will turn on the TV for some background noise, especially if I have a task to do. However, today's "task" was playing games on the iPad. Not a thinking game, like "Scrabble" (d@mn all my opponents - I have been waiting for your move since last night. you could have helped save me by making me think!). No, I played, Solitaire, one of the more mindless games out there. Yes, there is some thinking and strategy, but not much. On the scale of intellectual ability, playing Solitaire is the equivalent of Patrick the Starfish. At this point, I was basically at the level of a mouth breather (warning sign #2).

The real coup de grace, was when I decided to finally leave home to run some errands. I managed to shower and dress myself relatively easily, but when it came to locking up, that is where the problems really started: I forgot how to lock my door.

I knew the key went into the funny hole, that has groves, but I forgot which way to turn it to lock the door. Odd. It has been the same door I have lived in for 11 years. Same key, too. It is something I do at least once a day (usually more), so I have gone through this same process over 4000 times on this door alone. Even more times if you count other locks I have encountered. Still, I was mystified about how to turn the key to lock the door. This is made even sadder in that even if I didn't know, there was still a 50-50 chance I would get it right.

What is the cause? Not sure. I have had spontaneous bouts of stupidity before (once I forgot how to turn on the washing machine. honestly. I stared at the controls and I could not remember which one made the water flow and the thing with the things move quickly). Sometimes it is caused by a cold; I did have a bit of a snot buildup, but nothing bad. Sometimes work: I was a busy week and I did work late last night, but I got to the gym and had a great workout. Personally, I do have a lot of things going on today, and that I need to do this weekend, that have been top of mind. It is one of the reasons I don't like to plan my weekends; I need time to rest the brain cells.

Whatever it is, I don't like it. There is a lot to do, that I need to get done, but all my mind can do right now is think about, um, .... well, the fact that I really shouldn't be behind the wheel of a car. Hopefully this will pass but in case it doesn't, my apologies to anyone I interact with over the next few days. I will do my best to control my mouth breathing.

Happy thinking.

Michael Moore Hates America

This morning I watched "Michael Moore Hates America", a movie that came out in 2004. It is a film by Michael Wilson, who takes a page from "Roger and Me", and spends the movie tracking down Michael Moore for an interview. Along the way, meeting up with folks who appeared in his earlier films "Roger and Me", "Bowling for Columbine" and "Fahrenheit 9/11".

My feelings on Michael Moore have changed over the years. I liked "Roger and Me" when it came out. I never saw "Bowling for Columbine" for the simple reason that watching a movie about guns and dead high school students didn't seem like a fun way to spend a Friday night. I did see "Fahrenheit 9/11" and I hated it so much, I have never gone back to see one of his movies again.

I never voted for George W. Bush (I have a long standing track record of always voting for the losing candidate). I walked out of "Fahrenheit 9/11" thinking three things:

1. This was not a documentary

2. There are inconsistencies in this movie that contradict itself

3. Why are people standing and applauding?

Documentaries by definition are objective representations of the facts. There was very little objective commentary in "Fahrenheit 9/11". I had spend enough time studying to be a failed film-maker to understand how he framed his opinions, to give the appearance of honesty, while promoting his position, and most importantly, while not saying anything personally. It can be argued that every movie or story has a bias, making it impossible to be truly objective. It is impossible to represent all the facts in any movie, or newspaper story; the act of editing inherently creates a bias (which is why I have intentionally calling "Michael Moore Hates America" a movie, and not a documentary.)

What was more disturbing about "Fahrenheit 9/11" was the contradictions. Michael Moore's strategy on the film was to throw as many insinuations on the screen, seeing which ones stuck. When I spoke with friends (the Michael Moore leaning ones) about the contradictions Moore makes within his own film, the arguments were dismissed with a "everyone lies" comment, so its okay.

That makes no sense to me. The ends never justify the means.

That led me to the part that I never understood: people standing and applauding at the end of "Fahrenheit 9/11". It didn't make sense to me until I saw "Michael Moore Hates America". The film has a lot of interviews with film makers, lawyers, and Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller fame). One of the people interviewed says it best: If you are a passionate fan of Michael Moore, you are willing to accept his lies, because it supports your views. If you are not a fan, then no matter what he says, no matter if it is true, you will hate his movies. He can not change your opinion. All he can do is stir up rhetoric.

And he is right. Wilson interviewed people on the street, who saw "Bowling for Columbine" and "Fahrenheit 9/11". He asked them what they thought of these Michael Moore. If they had a favorable opinion of him, he asked what would you think of Michael Moore if you found out he fabricated his movies, or used deceptive methods to get his point across. Turned out, it didn't matter to these people because they agreed with Moore's views. It doesn't matter that he lied; he shared their opinions, so it made it all okay. Of course, this could all be another film trick by Michael Wilson. We only saw a few Moore loyalists interviewed. He could have interviewed 100 of them, and only the handful we saw on film were willing to ignore the lies.

I would suggest seeing the movie, but if you know Michael Moore, I doubt it will change your mind one way or the other. Voters on IMDB agree. Overall the movie gets a 5, but if you look at the breakdown of the votes, you get a different picture. Of the 2623 user votes, 28% voted it a 10 (Excellent) while 31% gave it a 1 (Horrible). None of the other ratings got even 7% of the vote.

You either love Michael Moore or you hate him; this post won't change your mind.