Greek Easter Pick up Lines

If you are Greek, this is comedy gold! If you have friends who are Greek, share this with them. It will give them a much needed laugh this week. Trust me - its gold.

GREEK EASTER PICK-UP LINES:

#1 Hi there. Can I buy you a candle?

#2 So, do you come here often? Yeah, me neither.

#3 You know, the scent of your perfume really compliments the smell of your burned hair

#4 Would you like a flower?... I got it from the Kouvouklion...

#5 The light of that candle really hides the fasting-induced black circles around your eyes.

#6 Do you like this version of Hristos Anesti?

#7 Would you like to go for a walk around the block with me...my mother, sister, yiayia, Thia Sofia and my 3 cousins?

#8 Don't know the words either huh?

#9 That shade of lipstick looks great on you and the ikona.

#10 Nice eggs

April is the cruelest month

"April is the cruelest month" - T.S. Eliot, "The Waste Land". Or as I like to abbreviate the sentiment, April sucks.

Very little good happens in April. The NCAA basketball tourney ends, but in my head, that is still part of March. Opening day for baseball is cool, but that is about all that comes to mind. On the other side of the ledger we have unpredictable weather (sun one day, snow the next) and taxes are due. I hate taxes.

"Taxes are the price we pay for civilization" - Oliver Wendell Homes, Jr.

I understand the concept of taxes and yes, they are necessary. What I hate is the randomness and morality which is in effect legislated by tax policy. I'll use myself as an example: In the last year, like most people, I did not get a raise; I feel fortunate my wages did not go down. I never bought a home, so I did not contribute to the property bubble. I kept my finances in order and I did not run up excessive debt. I have no children or other dependents, so I do not burden the school system or social programs. I spend money in the local downtown economy, paying the higher city taxes, and I walk there so as not to pollute or add to the congestion. Despite all this, I not only do I owe taxes, but the amount went up, and for the life of me, I have no idea why.

This irony of this is I should have bought of an overpriced house, to get the tax break. I should have overextended myself, then declared bankruptcy. I should have had a mess of kids and get the tax break for that. The irresponsible actions would have saved me money. All of this gets at the root problem for me: the implied moral legislation behind taxes.

Someone postulated a theory that home ownership promotes stability in the community, resulting in a reduction in crime. It is for this reason that interest on home mortgages are tax deductible - to promote home ownership and stable communities. Great theory, aside from one problem: It is not true. Germany has a lower percentage of people who own their homes (under 40% vs. 67% for the US), yet, Germany has a lower crime rate. Married filers have advantages, too, but for reasons unknown to me. Like a discount for having children, both of these appear to be credits/bribes for engaging in socially approved behavior. Meanwhile, those of us who are single and childless must pay extra for the benefit of your spouses and offspring.

I am not asking for any special treatment; all I ask for is equity and fairness. I am willing to pay my share, and have others pay their share, too. Yes, I am a big fan of flat tax rates not only because of the fairness it brings, but also because it would suddenly eliminate the needs for tens of thousands of accountants and IRS agents. Unfortunately for this year, it will end like other years: me paying extra taxes, asking why our tax system is set up to discriminate against my morally unacceptable lifestyle, and never getting an answer why. Instead, I am told I owe more.

That is why April is the cruelest month.

I hate these pants.

Today, I was wearing tweener pants. I hate these pants. They cause me nothing but pain.

Tweener pants are ones you can't tell what color they really are; they seem to straddle two color pallets. In this case, black and navy blue. When I bought these pants, I thought they were black. Or maybe I thought they were navy blue? I can't remember now. All I know is that most times when I am getting dressed, I can't tell if they are black or if they are dark blue. In the end, it really doesn't matter. I hate these pants.

I am not the most alert person in the morning; I know and accept this. So to identify the color, I have had to rely on different methods and tricks. I have several pairs of pants by this manufacturer, so I can't distinguish them by the label. When I bought them, I remember marking the inside tag with a laundry pen in blue (or maybe black?), so I could easily identify the color. That worked, till the mark faded. Now it looks blue, and kinda black.

Now I have to resort to holding them up to other pants - ones that I know are black or blue. By comparing them, you should be able to tell the difference. It worked - softa. They definitely looked different than the ones that were black, which was good, until I realized they also look different from the ones that I knew were blue. Natural sunlight is the best way to tell the color. Since mornings in winter are dark in Minnesota, these pants don't get worn much in the cold months. But now that Spring is here (don't jinx it!), they are getting into the rotation more. The last two times I have worn them, I noticed something that makes the whole point moot.

Last time I wore them, I was sure they were black, so I wore a black belt and shoes with them. Turns out they weren't black, but in fact blue. I looked like a fashion dork all day. I set the pants aside, pinned a note to them that said "BLUE", and I decided to wear them again today, but this time with a cordovan color belt and shoes. That didn't work. Today they looked like black pants, and I look like a dork for wearing the wrong color belt and shoes.

These pants have it in for me; I have decided to take this as a personal affront. Fortunately, I work at a place with many fashion challenged individuals, so I still look a cut above the rest. Right now, I have no idea what to do with these pants. I can't treat them like they are black or blue, and I don't have the fashion chutzpah to pull of something avant garde. The worst part for me is they feel good and they look good on me. I don't want to lose them, but I am out of ideas on what to do about them. Any and all suggestions are welcome.

I hate these pants.

Pickle "upgrades"

When did it change, that when you order a sandwiches or a burger, that the default become a "yes" for pickles?

I know it wasn't always this way. I remember growing up that it was an option - some liked pickles, others of us wanted no part of those diseased, vile interlopers oozing their putrid juices on the rest of our food.

Somehow, somewhere along the line, it changed. Now you get a pickle automatically. To get things the way they were, you now have to exert effort. You have to take steps to get things back to the base state, and even then, there is the risk that your food will get contaminated. A changed that is supposedly for our good is forced upon us, whether we want it or not.

I feel the same way about technology and software upgrades.

I don't know why there are so many upgrades and changes to devices that I use and like. Changes in appearance, changes in functionality, changes in what information is captured (and shared) occur on a weekly basis it seems. Security upgrades and fixing software bugs I can see, but that should not affect the user interface; those changes should all be behind the scenes. It doesn't explain or justify the changes in functionality upon items we have gotten used to and liked.

The answer for the change probably all comes down to one of two reasons: Money and Whiners. Either someone figured out a new way to make money on a device that we already liked. So a change was made - sorry - an "upgrade". Or, there was a group of very vocal proponents who wanted things different. I would like to think that this group represents the majority, but I doubt it. They are just the loudest, so they got their way. Just like the pickle lobby. Now we all have to suffer. The "improvement" makes people who were happy and loyal, annoyed, and the whiners wanted the change get rewarded for being a pain.

You can call me a luddite, but it should be taken it as a complement to the manufacturer that I liked the old, non-upgraded stuff. I am not looking to change. You made a program that was good the first time and I have no need or desire to change. Don't piss me off by trying to "upgrade" it.

Enjoy upgrading your new apps and software for all your devices this weekend. I'll be watching movies on my VCR and playing Atari 2600.

TV Dramas

Why would anyone want to watch a tv drama?

I was thinking about this Monday night, when I was bemoaning the fact "Big Bang Theory" was moved to Thursday, the NCAA Basketball game sucked (and not just because UNC wasn't in it), and the only thing good on TV was "Gone with the Wind." Watching all that disease and dying in the hospital reminded me how popular shows like "ER" and "St. Elsewhere" were in their days, and for the life of me I can't figure out why - why would anyone would ever watch those shows?

Doesn't everyone life have enough drama in it? (except mine - as of last week, I am problem free). Why would anyone want to become emotionally involved with the problems of others, who are (a) fictional and (b) don't give a crap about you?

Yeah, so, maybe it is good TV and well acted, but so are a lot of other things on TV. Why watch something which will ultimately be depressing? Comedy, sports, Mysteries, reality competitions, News (i suppose) seem like a better use of free time and escapism. Drama - we got that covered already. Why would anyone want more? Are there people going through their day going - yes, I need more emotional stress in my day, so I will assume the problems of fictional characters?

Weird.

Maybe I need to be a chick to understand this. Maybe people watch this in the hope that all their problems can be solved in one hour if they watch enough of these shows. If anyone has insight on the topic, I would love to hear it. In the meantime, I'll be watching SpongeBob reruns and laughing my @ss off while you cry into your remote.

Happy watching!