Fly me to the moon

This year I have spent a lot of time in planes and airports. To me, this is one of the greatest environments to observe human behavior; people's true colors come out for all to see. I am on my last flight for 2010, using the free Wifi, and I decided this is an appropriate time to list my observations, questions, and a few rants on how air travel could be improved.

Airline announcements:

Have you ever noticed that all airlines make their announcements in the terminal using the same format: Airline, flight number and maybe destination. Why don't they start with the city? People tune out quickly (okay, I do) and I don't want to wait to listen to something which may or may not be relevant to me. People are much more likely to remember their destination than a someone arbitrary collection of numbers, so start with the airline and city - flight numbers only really matter to the airlines and the air traffic controllers.

Priority list for security

I have never understood why there is a priority lane for airline members with status or first class. I have been a beneficiary, of this policy, but it still doesn't make any sense to me. I understand the concept from the airlines point of view - they want their best customers treated well, but the TSA is a government entity. Seems like undue influence on a government operation by the private sector. I can't think of any other situation where a company can have such a visible influence on a government operation, particularly one that deals with safety.

Drinking and pre flight announcements

I try to pay attention when the flight crew is giving the pre flight announcements. I am no Cpt Sully; I just feel bad for them going through the whole routine, which we have all heard a hundred times, and no one pays attention. I feel like if they can get at least one person to politely listen, they might feel less frustrated about their job. Basically, they have to cater to a bunch of whinny children in adult bodies; doesn't sound like fun to me so let's do at least one nice thing for them.

I was thinking about how frustrating their jobs are, while listening to the safety instructions, while I was having a pre-flight cocktail. Then it hit me: how can I be reasonably expected to remember the emergency procedures when I am getting sloshed, courtesy of the airline? I am now under the influence (or possibly further under, depending if there is a delay); my faculties are being compromised while critical information is being given. As the airline is acting as the enabler, how can I be responsible for any of my actions? My sympathy for the good folks in the air grows.

Soup on a plane:

I was flying home recently through Atlanta (which I hate, aside from the Chick-fil-a right by gate A-10), I get the upgrade (score) and there is dinner on the flight (score x2). The choices aren't that good, but acceptable, but get this: the side item with my sandwich is soup.

Okay, I have no room to complain - I am getting upgraded and I am getting food - but doesn't soup seem like a really, Really, REALLY bad idea to serve on a moving plane? Liquids on any moving vehicle tend to slosh, and the ground based ones only travel in two dimensions (usually). Airplanes must - read MUST - travel in three dimensions. The potential for spillage increases exponentially. Fortunately it was a smooth flight so no issues. But the next time I might not be so lucky....

Pets vs people on plane

I have some friends with severe pet allergies. One person I know can't be in the same room if a cat has been in there, even if the cat is gone. So what happens if a person brings a pet on a plane and there is another passenger with severe allergies? What do they do? Do they move them apart? What if they are both in first? Who gets moved: the allergic or the pet owner? What if it is a small plane and not enough space to separate the two and someone needs to get bumped? What are the rules? Every time I see someone bring a pet in a carrier on board, I wonder if this will be the time I finally learn what happens. So far, no luck.

ADA bathrooms

There is a great law that passed in the 90s called the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). It insures that any new or remodeled commercial buildings or space eliminates barriers to those with disabilities. One of the more common examples of the ADA at work is with the large stall bathrooms, which allow for someone in a wheelchair to rotate. The law says there must be a 5' circular area so someone in a wheelchair could turn around. How airlines have been able to avoid compliance with this law is beyond me.

The restrooms on planes seem to be getting smaller and smaller, so that even sub 6-footers like me can't go #1 with contorting into a strange position (funny side note: on my visit to see the fam this Xmas, my nephew said he had to go #3. In the words of my sister, I don't want to know what that means). Anyway, with all the new jumbo sized planes being designed, I hope this issue gets addressed.

Boarding procedures

Airlines have tried boarding in rows. Now they are trying in zones. Neither works well and the trend is getting worse. If you want to board an airplane efficiently, try this: board by window, middle, then aisle seats.

The biggest holdup to boarding is the constant flow of people back into the one row for handling traffic. If no one had to get out of their seat, the amount if time to load a plane would be greatly reduced. This happened to me first hand once before. One time I was flying out of NYC. Our flight was late and we had a very narrow window to get our departure slot. The counter agent ordered everyone in the waiting area to get in their rows and seats, and loaded us in the plane in the manner. Status didn't matter - it was all about efficiency (a woman after my heart). The whole plane got loaded and we pushed off from the gate in under 10 minutes.

Exiting planes

I like it when the pilots stand outside the cockpit when passengers disembark. I like to thank them in person. I don't have a joke, or snide comment to make; I really like it when they do this. If anyone knows a commercial pilot, please ask them to do this; I like thanking them for not crashing.

Happy trails from 24,000… no, feet.

The Streak vs. The Streak

Brett Favre's consecutive game streak of 297 games starting at quarterback came to an end Monday night. It did not lack the drama we expected: a collapsed Metrodome roof gave him one additional day of rest to try and come back from his injury. Before the game started, all you had to was look at his swollen purple and blue right hand and you knew the streak would be over. There was no way he could game through this one, even for a token series, as some Brett-Lovers would have liked. His streak was over.

Now, two almost inevitably things have happened: First, a new streak watch has begun in the NFL to see who is in the lead (I believe is a Manning). Second, comparisons begin as to whose streak was more impressive - Cal Ripken Jr's MLB streak of 2,632 games or Brett Favre's. I don't really care about the debate, but it brings up something that has bothered me ever since Cal Ripken's streak ended Sept 20, 1998:

Cal Ripken is a bum. He should be ashamed of the way his streak ended.

Favre - love him or hate him - could not play on Monday; no one has argued that point. His shoulder and hand were a mess; he may never play football again. Lou Gehrig, the former Iron Man for MLB, played in 2,130 games, until his body, ravaged by the disease that now bears his name, would not let him play anymore. He died two years after his streak ended. Cal Ripken didn't play on Sept 20, 1998 because.....

Yeah, there is a reason you if you can not remember why: there was no reason. He wanted the day off. According to Ripken, "I think the time is right." Click here for full story.

Did Cal Ripken deserve a day off? Yes. Unquestionably, yes. He played hard every day and every game, in a position with a very high injury rate. He played the game with class and decency. Very few players have his character and appeal.

Except on this one point.

On the day his streak ended, he disappointed us all. For 16 years he put his head down, worked hard, and showed us virtue was its own reward. That is until Sept 20, 1998. On that day, he proved he was just as lazy and worthless as the rest of us. He showed us it was okay to wuss out, give up, and think of yourself instead of the team. Worst yet, he was praised for this behavior. No one every questioned why he stopped. He was celebrated for the next three years until he retired in 2001, and he is still considered a baseball god today.

All of this for giving up because he didn't feel like living up to the obligations of his teammates and fans. For this blatant show of laziness, he was praised. It was decision that set a very bad example for all athletes. Should it be any surprise today that we now have a generation of athletes, who only think of themselves (and the money) like Randy "I play when I wanna play" Moss.

It is an unfair double standard for Ripken (and Favre); other players routinely take off games with no consequences. But when you are the focus of a streak, you are held up to another standard. For better or worse, you are made into a role model. Your actions are scrutinized far closer then is fair, but this is hardly surprising news for athletes. They know what they are getting into when they sign the contract for all that money. They have an expectation they have to live up to, and Ripken blew it with the way he ended his streak.

Yes, the O's were 1000 games out of first place when Ripken ended his streak. So are the Vikings. Favre is no saint. His is hated by 98% of Wisconsinites (the 2% is probably a sampling error). He is a prima donna, who loves the attention and will give it - either to a willing public, or unwilling one (via text pics). He won a big game, and he has lost them, too. But the guy loved to play and he was willing to do so had it been possible.

It is a shame it wasn't possible for Favre. This will (most likely*) be his last season, having left it all out on the field, unable to continue his streak any further, setting a new record for endurance and a new standard for perseverance for the NFL. I wish I could say the same for Ripken.

Eastern Europe: Day 7 - Tallinn, Riga

About morning flights on Baltic Air - no one bothered to shower before the flight except me. I didn't ask anyone, but I am fairly certain it was true. Actually, check that, I don't think anyone bothered to shower for several days in preparation for the flight, except for me.

I've noticed for these flights, there is no boarding by rows. People wait in line, until they say it is time to board, and then everyone shoves their way onto the plane. To me, it seems reminiscent to shopping in Soviet times, when people would wait for hours to get into a shop which may or may not have what you want. Funny thing is, the shoving was fairly minimal - folks respected the queue for the most part (as long as you were moving). Even stranger, I think it took less time to board using this procedure vs. the way we do it in the US.

Speaking of the people, in both countries, there were a lot of angry looking old ladies who were giving me the evil eye. Actually, they gave it to me and anyone within eyeshot. I don’t think it is anything personal - just a general hatred of those who have it so easy now.

I was flying through the great transit hub of the Baltics, Riga International Airport (RIX), again. I deplaned at about 9:30 am, and had two hours till my next flight, so I had time to hang out at my favorite coffee shop/bar in RIX. I got coffee. Some others were getting beer. The coffee was good, but the thought of an ice cold Zelta was very tempting….

I was told that the nicest of the old towns was Tallinn, with Riga a close second, followed by Vilnius, Lithuania a clear third. Granted, Vilnius was not as big or nice an old town, but it was nice. For anyone traveling to the Baltics, I would recommend starting in Vilnius, then moving north. I can comment on Riga, but from the travel books it looks like fun. Next time

Eastern Europe: Day 6 - Tallinn

This was the one day I did not have anything planned or scheduled. It was a free day to wander the city with no scheduled events. This is usually not a good thing for me, so I made up a few quests and things to do.

One of them was to try to find a decent souvenir: something for my niece and nephew and if possible, myself. There are shops everywhere, all of them seem to be selling the same stuff. There was very little differentiation in products or prices, I noticed. About the only difference was in the shopkeepers: the Estonians just looked at you suspiciously and fidgeted till you left; the Russians were friendly, open, and assured you they had more sizes, colors, varieties, and items '"in the back".

The Russian stores were more fun, but sometimes they were too pushy. Eventually, I figured out how to have a pleasant experience in an Estonian store: Enter as quietly as possible, but make sure you close the door solidly. Say hello politely, making eye contact for just a moment, then look away. Walk around the entire store slowly, so they know you are considering everything they have to offer. Do not touch anything. If you leave without purchasing anything, be sure to politely complement them on their store and thank them for letting you come in to shop. By following these steps, I was able to coax out some smiles.

I ended up not buying anything. About the only thing that looked somewhat interesting were the items made out of amber, but personally, I hate the look of amber, so no sale. I did find one nice art store, that created things out of textiles. They had some very interesting items for sale, one I was considering buying, until I realized the price was in Euros, not Estonian Krones (a difference of about 15x).

I spent the afternoon checking out the design museum and the history of Tallinn museum - both very good. The strangest "find" I made was that there is a Depeshe Mode tribute bar here. It was ranked by Lonely Planet as the 5th strangest bar in the world, a fact they proudly displayed at the entry. The entire bar was decorated with Depeshe Mode posters, pictures, and other memorabilia, while concert footage played in a constant loop over the TVs. Drinks were named after popular songs (I had a "Personal Jesus" - it contained vodka and some other ingredients, written in Estonian that I couldn't place. It was good - Jim Bob says check it out). I was only me and the bartender, who was wearing headphones when not making drinks. I had to ask, why? Why a Depeshe Mode tribute bar (in Estonia of all places - but I kept that part to myself). The answer I got was "the owner of the bar is a huge fan. The bar has been around for 11 years now and all it has ever played is Depeshe Mode. No other music is allowed." I asked what about Johnny Cash's version of "Personal Jesus" - would that be allowed? "No - only music by Depeshe Mode", at which point he put back on his headphones, presumably to listen to something else.

Dinner was good; it was at a local pancake place that our guide had recommended. They served very hearty pancakes - with fish, or meat. I had one with pepperoni, that was quite good. It had warmed up some today and it was a clear night, so I spent the evening walking the town and checking out bars, without my camera. Tomorrow morning I will have to fly out.

I'll miss you, Tallinn. 'Twas fun.

Eastern Europe: Day 5 - Tallinn

I started out the day with a walking tour of the city. As I mentioned earlier, the Estonians are not the most warm and friendly people. They want you out of their shop quickly and that includes those in the tourism bureau, too. I used this to my advantage. I had enquired about city tours and the only options they provided were for officially sponsored bus tours throughout the city. As a rule - I hate busses. I hate bus tours more. I asked about walking tours and other options. None were available (now get out), but I kept asking in other ways till she cracked. Eventually, she let me know there is a free walking tour organized by students, but she could not vouch for the quality or sites we would see. She told me where it met, as her eyes pleaded with me to leave, so she could get back to her empty shop.

There were five us on the tour. I was the only American, though there was a fellow from Japan, who lives in my old hometown of Charlotte, NC (small world). Everyone else was staying in a hostel, which is how they found out about the tour. The tour was conducted by a 20 year old student, who was quite personable. It was free, but you can tip at the end if you like. I only made one faux pas: I asked the guide, because of your age, do you have any memory or point of reference for life under the commie Russian regime? He let me know his parents were Russian. Oops.

I like the walking tours; you get a good insight of the city and the unedited version of history. He talked a lot about the medieval history of the city, but also the changes in the 1990's, the privatization of industry, the corrupt rulers, and how bad a shape their country is in today. Funny, the tour guide from Lithuania spoke very fondly about how well run Estonia is and how she wished her country was in as good a shape as here. I told the guide this and he scoffed. "Estonia is run by criminals! They stole all our equipment for manufacturing and sold it is scrap metal! We have no industry or skills and corruption is high!" It was at this point, I started noticing a little one-upsmanship between the Baltic's. It appears to be a point of pride as to who has suffered most.

As we were wrapping up the tour, the discussion came to food and beverages. My guide confirmed that, yes, A le Coq beer tastes like crap. He gave me new beer suggestions and places to check out. Also, he showed us an off the beaten path place that served Estonian versions of pirogues. I had a bowlful that cost about 200 Estonian Krones, or about $1.85. They were good, damn good.

Afterwards I went to the Museum of Occupation. Like Lithuanian, they had a museum to commemorate the bad times, but it was very good museum. Basically, the theme of the museum is they hate the Russians and they are disappointed in the West. The three Baltics were forced to accept Soviet rule in 1940, who promptly made every resource a public good an reorganized their entire industry. Not surprisingly, the Estonians were happy when the Nazis invaded in 1941; anything was better than the Ruskies. It is like Churchill's views of Stalin: my enemies, enemy is my friend. In this case, the friend was Nazi Germany. The Nazi's didn't grant independence, but they did undue the central planning and economic policies put into place. This would only be temporary, as in 1944 the Soviets invaded, again, and they would not leave until 1990. The country felt betrayed by the West, who in 1943 gave the Baltics, and other Eastern European countries up to the Russians. You feel for these folks: they were all arch anti-commies, who were given up by the West to the Soviets. It was very sad to see film of the older generations, who believed fervently for years that the US would come in and save them from the Communists. But after the uprisings in Hungary and Czechoslovakia were crushed, and the West didn't help, they had to come to the painful realization that no one was going to save them.

There was a lot of one-upsmanship here, too. Not only who suffered the most in the Balkins (Estonians naturally!), but also who became independent first. Officially, I think Lithuanian declared it first, though it was granted for all three at the same time. Estonia likes to highlight that they were the first to hold a massive demonstration and rally in 1987, while the others sat back and watched (I am reading between the lines, but check out the movies and decide for yourself)

The films are available on the website - they are quite good:

www.okupatsioon.eed

I had a good dinner at a green restaurant that served meat. Whenever I think of green, organic places, I guess that I assume that means they are vegetarian, too. I guess not; they did a good job that pork! The bar he recommended was good, but the beer was primarily English, with some Belgium and German. No Lithuanian or Latvian brews, either. I guess in the sprit of one-upsmanship, comparing whose beer was better (or worse) isn't allowed. As an impartial observer, Estonian beer is the worst.

Trust me.

Eastern Europe: Day 4 - Vilnius, Tallinn

For my last half-day in Vilnius, I went to some (more) Churches that I had not been able to get into. They are all very nice - I just hope I remember which is which when I go back through my pictures. The only place in town I did not get to was the Museum of Genocide. I am not sure if that is an accurate name or not; the Museum is about the Soviet Occupation from 1944-1990. I don't think there was much of a Jewish population here - they are almost all Catholics here. Still, it is not for me to challenge. This was a major new museum, and I am sorry I could not get in to see it.

I am fearing the worst with this airport, so I get there about an hour and a half early. Based on the Soviet-era looks of the join, I am envisioning hours of waiting to get on a plane. This was not the case. There is no waiting. Literally, none. There is no one in line at check in and no one in line at security. The security guy looked to be in his mid-50s, and he looked like he had seen it all. As "tough" as security is post 9/11, I bet it was a piece of cake compared to the days of the USSR.

The flight was fairly uneventful. It was on AirBaltic. I was a bit worried, but I figured, if this is the end, it has been a good life. That put my mind at ease until we came in for the very rough landing. I recanted - there is much I need to do, still! The airport in Tallinn, Estonia, and again, there is a very nice, very new airport. This one is in a floated concrete, wood and glass theme. Very stylish, but I bet it will look like crap in 20 years.

I am staying in the heart of old town, an incredibly charming old town. There is no other way to describe it; it is absolutely amazing. Like Prague, but with a minimal number of cheesy, tourist shops. Everywhere you turn, the old town, is picture perfect. Only one problem - it is cold! Somewhere in the 40's (maybe) and windy. The Minnesotan in me refuses to admit that I'm uncomfortable (this does not even qualify as a "little cold"), so I press on. I make my own walking tour route through town, including a climb up St. Olaf's church, which offers magnificent views of the city. Unfortunately, that means you are up high, and my fear of heights kicks in again. These will not be my best photos.

I have dinner at traditional Estonian' restaurant, which was quite good. Yes, there were potatoes and some type of cream sauce, but the food was good, aside from the pickled pickles (double yuck). I end up chatting with an Australian couple, who was having trouble adjusting to the cold (I had wondered where people who live in a country with an almost perfect climate go for vacation . Estonia, is apparently the answer). They had arrived recently, too, and the one thing we both agreed upon was the lack of warmth with the Estonian people. As charming as the city is, that did not transfer to the people who actually inhabited it. In most every shop or store we had walked into, we got the distinct impression they would be happier if we were not there.

I found a decent bar that night to watch some footy matches. I retract what I said about wanting the distribution rights for all Baltic Beers. Latvian beer = excellent. Lithuanian beer = very good. Estonian beer = tastes like @ss. A le coq sucks. And I gave it many tries - still, it did not improve.

Tervist!

Eastern Europe: Day 3 - Vilnius, Uzupio

I learned more about the language and history of Lithuania today. Apparently, even though the three Baltic countries are very close together and get grouped together, their languages are extremely different. I thought it might be like Spanish and Portugese, but not at all.

Back in the commie days, the older generation had to learn both Lithuanian and Russian. Now, they learn Lithuanian and English. I was speaking with a Lithuanian, who spends time working in both Latvia and Estonia, and I asked what language do you use when you travel there? English.

What about Russian, I asked. I mean, if everyone had to learn it growing up, and since they are such a large trading partner, could not you use that instead? "Sure, you could use it," she explained, "but you wouldn't get an answer. You don't use Russian unless you want to drive someone away." The reason why everyone speaks English so well is becoming better understood by me.

The other thing I have noticed about the people here is they are white. I mean, really white. There are no minorities visible here at all. I think I have seen one Japanese, and they were a tourist. Everyone else here is very white, tall, and thin. All the women are like this - they all have that tall, thin look with interesting faces that advertising agencies look for in their models. They are everywhere. Even through the country has only 3 million people, they could easily find enough women to have a Supermodel reality show here. (Not a bad idea, actually - Lithuanian's next Supermodel! The winner gets a US green card)

I spent the evening in the "Republic" of Uzupio. This is a neighborhood of Vilnius, which on April 1, 1997, declared itself an independent republic. No one knows how serious they are about being independent, but they declared it and have a constitution of rights posted in several languages. The whole neighborhood is largely run down and inhabited by artists. It is very quirky and odd - they tore down a statue of Lenin and put up one of Frank Zappa (what is the connection between Frank Zappa and Lithuania? none.).

The Constitution has quirks of its own, such as declaring that all people have the right to be happy; it also states that people have the right to be unhappy. It reminds me a bit of my undergrad university, UNC - Chapel Hill: no matter what the protest group, there was always a counter protest group. Also listed as a right was the right to hot water. I think we in the west take that one for granted, but in the former Eastern Block, yeah, I could see that being a good right to state. Despite the bohemian flavor, Uzupio has one of the best restaurants in town, called Tores, which offers spectacular views of the city.

For more on Uzupio and the Constitution:

History of Uzupio

Constitution of Uzupio

Eastern Europe: Day 2 - Vilnius, Trakai

I spent the morning on a tour of the old Royal Castle, called Trakai, located about 45 minutes from the city by bus. The tour is all in English, but it appears to be mostly folks from either Scandinavia, Russia, Germany, or somewhere else that they don't speak English. I feel very fortunate English was the lucky language chosen.

The tour guide is very good and she talks a lot about Lithuanian people and history, with a good deal of sarcasm mixed in to her stories. I like this tour a lot. She made a lot of jokes about how they were not completely barbarians in the early days (just partially). She explained the history of the country - how it was a huge empire, then it was small, then non-existent, then it was back for 20 years, then gone in WWII, then back again. Still, most of the people in the country are Lithuanian (about 85%), with the rest either Russian or Polish. I don't know that I could tell the difference in looks, but it is a point of pride that the country has maintained their Lithuanianness, so I let it go. The Soviet hatred is beginning to come to the surface.

The castle was built by the first - and only king - in the countries history. After that, there was a dispute over who would be the next king, which was never resolved, so they ended up with a long series of dukes and arch-dukes. The leaders however were fairly progressive for the 1300's, with their views towards religion, property and rule of law. We learn the castle was a central defense against the Crusaders. Yes, those Crusaders. Apparently, Lithuania is on the way to the Holy Land. They fought against the Crusaders for 200 years. What was even stranger about this conflict is the country had converted to Christianity, through its association with Poland. Still, apparently that conversion wasn't enough (wrong brand, I guess)

On the ride back, we learn more about Lithuania, the education system (20 universities for a population of 3.2 million). Economically, the country has suffered like others. They are not on the Euro, but hope to be (someday…). We ask her about the differences between the three Baltic counties - Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. Although we group them together, they apparently can not be further apart. The Estonians have modeled themselves on Finland, and they see themselves more as a Scandinavian country. Their language, economic system, and government are all based on Finland. Latvia, we learn, has a large Russian population, which causes tension in the country between those who want closer ties with the west vs. the Ruskies. Lithuania, is an island, they feel. They are not close enough to Scandinavia, so they needed another country to work with closely. Germany is too far away for any meaningful ties, and Russia - "Uggghhhh!!! Never!!!". That leaves Poland, which they don't feel is any better than themselves. There is a healthy bit of sarcasm in a Lithuanian's speech; have I mentioned how much I like it here, lately?

I spend the afternoon going through old town and exploring churches. There are a lot of them. Most are Baroque in style and Roman Catholic in brand. The ones that are open are spectacular inside; unfortunately, a lot of them are closed. They don't have the funds to repair or renovate them. For anyone who is a church-junkie, this is a most see stop. During the day, I noticed there is a lot of graffiti all over town. It is not obscene and it is not discriminatory. Most of it is colorful pictures or names, but it is everywhere, except in the heart of old town. It would look so much better if it was cleaned up.

That night I went to a restaurant our guide had recommended. It was a bit touristy, but I would give it a try. One of the national dishes I had not tried was the Zeppelin: it is a roasted potato, stuffed with meat, and covered in a sour cream sauce. They served two. I had one and a half. It was good, but I was feeling very heavy heavy. That night they made the proverbial crash in my stomach. That and the beer made for a good nights sleep.

Eastern Europe: Day 1 - Riga, Vilnius

Why are you going to Lithuania?

I have been asked this many times over the past few weeks when I have told folks my travel plans. After I explain I am voluntarily spending my vacation in the Baltics, the reaction has been split into two camps: those who think it would be a fun adventure to a place off the beaten path vs. those who look at me with a cocked eyebrow and a look of concern on their face. There really is no in between. It reminds me of (the one) joke in the movie "Rhinestone". After Dolly Parton's slime-ball manager keeps making unwanted advances to her, she replies, "There are two types of people in this world, and you ain't either one of them!" Okay - it is not the same, but it is still a funny joke.

My trip started in Amsterdam, flying AirBaltic to Vilnius, Lithuania, via Riga, Latvia. Earlier this year, I flew on an airline called China Eastern - neither word inspires confidence for me in air travel. You can add Baltic to that list, too.

It didn't start out well. I got there two hours before the flight departed, and it still took 45 minutes to get checked in. The gate got changed to B25; little fun fact about Amsterdam's airport - there is no gate B25 (trust me - I looked everywhere). It was here I realized that my faith in this airline was based entirely upon the reasoning that if the Dutch let them land here, they must be okay. When we got changed to a non-existent gate, my faith began to waver. Eventually, we got rescheduled to a real gate where there was nothing to do but sit and wait. And wait.

While waiting, I hear music to my ears; another voice speaking English. And not just English, but a Scotsman! In my travels, nothing can make a bad situation more fun then hanging out with a Scotsman or an Australian. To me, these two people can make any bad situation better. We get to hanging, helping make the wait much more enjoyable (and no we didn't hit the bar). I think the world would be a much better place if it was run by the Aussies and the Scots. Certainly, it would be a lot more fun.

Eventually we board the non-air-conditioned plane. It was surprisingly new and clean. Nothing too remarkable about it, until we took off. People applauded. I am not sure if this is cultural, or based on experience, but it was somewhat unnerving. The flight was uneventful; I almost though it was a normal airline, except the staff was far too nice. We landed in Riga, Latvia, to more applause, which I had to participate in, too.

The airport in Riga was surprisingly nice. This is the third airport I have been to in the former Soviet Bloc and all three have had kick @ss airports. I had time to kill so I found myself a bar and tried the local creations (Zelta = good. d@mn good beer), but no tables were open. Folks who had finished their beverages were not vacating their tables. I tried the standard techniques to get a table, but to no avail. After a few minutes, I realized I had no chance. These people suffered and fought under Soviet occupation for over 50 years; my polite throat clearing and impatient looks were not moving anybody.

I eventually get to Vilnius, and applauded the pilot, again. This airport, unlike the others, had some remnants of the Soviet empire. No duty free shopping or other charms were evident. I got to the hotel, after only slightly getting ripped off. It is late, but I am hungry and feel like exploring. There were no visibly charming parts of town that we road through on the way to the hotel, though I was told the old town is quite nice.

It was.

It was like Prague, on a smaller scale but without the tourists and stores of crap. I find a restaurant an a cobblestone street that has local, Lithuanian dishes. As I would learn, that means that it contains meat, potatoes and sour cream; the proportions vary depending on the dish. It was surprisingly good, though. Also, the beer was quite good. I am seriously thinking of acquiring the distribution rights for all Baltic Brews for the US. I get to talking with the server (everyone here speaks remarkably good English, except for me). She asks me the same question I had been asked for the past few weeks: why did you come to Lithuania? She was actually surprised that we (Americans) even knew where Lithuania was on the map.

Did I know where Lithuania was?! Little did she know she was dealing with a history and geography geek. I proceeded to share with her the history of Lithuania - the kingdom, the empire with the Poles, and the suffering under communism. She listened politely to my anti-commie rant, when I realized that she is probably 22 years old, 24 tops. She has no memory of Soviet occupation. As a child of the 80's, who grew up with movies like "Red Dawn" and "Rocky 4", I find this hard to believe.

The truth is, only half of what I said was true. Yes, I did know about the history of Lithuania, but only half from my study of history. The other reason has to do with Pro Wrestling.

Back in the 1980's, when pro wrestling hit a revival, there was an evil trio of Russian Wrestlers - Ivan Koloff, Krusher Khruschev and the Nikita "The Russian Nightmare" Koloff. They were easy to hate. Nikita had legendary battles with Dusty Rhodes and Magnum TA, good guys, through and through and arch-enemies of the Russian trio. However, in late 86', Magnum TA has a very serious car wreck; he is lucky to live and he never wrestles again. About this time, the Mikhail Gorbachev's popularity is on the rise. In the spirit of Glasnost, Nikita changes sides and becomes a good guy. In his own words, "my heart bleeds for Magnum", for which he was awarded the Sportsman of the Year Award by "The Charlotte Observer".

Where is all this going? A few years later, after the Soviet empire collapses, we find out that Nikita was not really Russian. He was Lithuanian. All this time, and we never knew - who would have guessed! So in all honesty, yes, I did study the history of Lithuania, but what prompted it was my enduring fondness for pro wrestling (WoooooOOOOOooooo!!!!!)

I stagger back to my hotel through the streets of Vilnius around midnight. After getting lost, I realize this is a very safe town. Single women walk the streets unharassed (and by walk, I mean go home. Not "walk", walk). Also, there are churches everywhere. I mean everywhere. Day 1 is in the books and it is off to a good start.

Sveikata!

Travel Fun

I'm on the road this week; only a few day trip. It should have been an easy trip - three nights, four days - easy. It should not have been a big deal, but it is getting weird - and weirder by the minute.

I can't say this is a really bad experience - I know of folks who have had a lot worse travel problems, many of those folks are sitting right by me (about 20 folks are not going to Spain tonight...). My situation is just odd, and it highlights some of the oddness that has become of air travel. Let me give some examples:

1. Destination Unknown: I was flying out for a meeting in Newark, followed by some sales calls, either in Harrisburg, PA or Philly. At the time the trip was being booked, we weren't sure which city we would be making the calls. This was a last minute ticket, but because my destination was somewhat TBD, I had a lot of options on where to fly. I checked direct flights in and out of Newark, JFK, LaGuardia, Philly, BWI, and Delaware. Lowest price I could find was over $1000. I was able to find a connection on US Air to Newark, for a reasonable price (not good, but considering options, reasonable).

When I was selecting my seats, I noticed that both the outbound and return flights were through Philly. Strange - did I miss a deal? I figured that if a flight was going through Philly to and from other destinations, then shouldn't flying to Philly be cheaper? I mean, I only flying once, not twice? It made sense to me but not US Air. For some reason, the flight cost over $350 more if I just stopped in Philly. It was cheaper to continue to Newark.

I don't know if Newark is so bad that they have to subsidize flights going in and out of there, but for whatever bizarre reason, flying a longer distance with a connection is cheaper then the shorter flight. Strange. Really, really strange.

2. "It really, really has to be a round trip? No, not really": So I ended up in Harrisburg, PA for the sales call. Both the town and the sales call were fine. I was able to hitch a ride with our sales rep so I didn't have to rent a car. I could take the train back to Newark.

I was on the train when they made the announcement that the train to Newark, went via Philly. Humm - I'm flying through Philly on the way back. Couldn't I just jump the train here and get on the flight and get on the plane here? I figured I better call first - figured there might be a security reason or something that might prevent me from doing this. Turns out it is not a security reason, but in fact I can not start in Philly because my airline ticket does not start in Philly. It does not matter that I have a boarding pass from Philly, I can not start there. The US Air guy was very nice, at least, and he explained it would void my whole ticket if I didn't board in Newark.

Due to some bad timing on my part, I got to the airport late. I ran as fast as I can, but I missed my flight out of Philly by 5 minutes. The counter guy was trying to rebook me; none of the options look good. I ask him, if I could get to Philly on my own via the train, could I pick up the flight there? Yes, he says, but I won't make it. He shows me a train schedule, and I would not be able to make it to Philly in time for my flight back to Minneapolis. So, from a logistic standpoint, I can't make it, but from a US Air standpoint, now that I have missed my first flight, I can. Weird.

3. Paying for incompetence: Missing my flight was entirely my fault. I mistimed the train back from Harrisburg and I did not leave myself enough time to get to the airport. I blame no one but myself.

The fellow who rebooked me got me on the next flight to Philly, and then on the next flight to Minneapolis. He also bumped me to 1st class for both flights. He said that my missing the flight helped him with some other travelers and he owed me. I am not sure if that is true or not. I know it probably helped that I didn't get mad about missing the flight and I remained calm and polite. Perhaps this is karma for my good behavior; I think it is rewarding stupidity (mine).

4. It's deja vu all over again: So I am waiting for my flight to Philly, and it turns out the plane we were going to take has been delayed. For reasons we do not know, the flight that was supposed to come in has been canceled, but they have a replacement plane they will fly in for us. Origin of the replacement plane? Yep, Harrisburg, PA. Had I known, had I known.

This delay has pushed back our flight and will cut my time to get on my Minnie flight very close. Everyone with a connection before 6pm has to be rebooked. My flight is at 6:05pm. So long as there are no other delays, I think I am in good shape.

In the meantime, I went to town on my inbox. I went from 156 to 30 unread e-mails. Its Miller time.

Happy flying!

Spam, with a side of Spam

So as I have bitched about before, it is tough for those of us with common names to find a good e-mail account. A few years ago, I fount one. It was through Rocketmail, Yahoo's new mail service. All was good, so I thought, before I found out you could not get this free email through Apple's mail program (not sure who is to blame - Yahoo or Apple), though you can get it through the iPhone. Anyway, I only emailed one person from this account and I have gotten only one reply. Yet, somehow this account was "outed" and it has become a spam magnet.

I am not sure how it ever got picked up, but the number of spam emails has grown, considerably. From just one every few days, it now gets 5-6 on an average day, sometimes more, and all this from an account which has never been used to sign up for anything with anybody. Some of these are downright bizarre, so strange in fact, I had to share them (with my commentary):

• Asian Singles: Find a new fun loving friend - Asians for Asians (I guess I must pass)
• Nursing Assistant Courses Online (yeah - they don't know me and my blood issues)
• Walden University: Become a bigger inspiration (is bigger the correct word to use here? I would think a university could come up with a better adjective)
• Adoption by Mediadax: (Strange, but even stranger was this was the same company that had the Asian Singles ad. Cute kid in the ad, though.)
• Certified ELM (not sure what this is but it is pushing Nursing courses. Again the blood issue.)
• Nursing Care Careers (all these nursing spams may have something to do with the nurses strike here in Minnesota. Maybe they were just spamming everyone in the state - good plan if that was the case, but still, no thanks).
• Certified ELM (nope, again. very persistent folks).
• Cowboy Boots (ha ha ha ha - yeah, no).
• Sunrooms ELM (what ELM stands for is becoming a greater and greater mystery to me)
• Cable by Mediadax (the Mediadax folks are becoming the bane of my existence).
• Giant Eagle (this one seemed customized to me - I think someone put in my email address by mistake. This could be an unexpected downside of having a good email account)
• Loan Manager: need a cash advance of up to 1500 USD? (has anyone every fallen prey to one of these spams?)
• Consolidate: one payment will pay off debt faster (not surprising this one came right after the loan one)
• North Hunting Club: Be a product tester (so many other people in Minnesota who would have benefited from this email besides me).
• Bras: Sexy and supportive (50-50 chance they could have scored with this one).
• Medical: Medical coders are as important as doctors (now that Obamacare passed, this may be true)
• Happywife121: Nearly a billion Extenze have been sold. What are you waiting for? (I can't believe it took this long for one of these spams to hit my account)
• Vimax Trial: Increase our sexual stamina with Vimax (and the floodgates are now open...)
• Interior Designers make good money (okay - not a lie and it is refreshingly direct compared to the others)
• DSL: Will give you the speed you need (DSL? Really? The only thing worse than spam is really old, outdated spam. Next up - spam from the Pager King!)
• GED Information: (nothing really too funny about this one, except that the from address was "HIGH")
• Baby Contest: Wanted - voters for baby photo contest (oh my. Really - you are going on the internet to select random people to judge photos of babies? One of the lower circles of hell must be reserved for people who send out spam like this.)
• GED Information (again from HIGH. Insert your own Cheech and Chong joke here)
• Nursing assistant (again - I think there was a one day walkout strike when this one came out)
• X-ray technician (ditto)
• Private Jets - take a seat and sneak a peek at Private Jets (this is like obnoxious spam - take a look at how cool the private jets are, but you are not welcome on them!)
• New Walk-in Tubs (WTF? Walk in tub? How? The picture doesn't really show how someone walks into a full tub - it is almost worth clicking through to see how you can walk-in a full bathtub)
• HIGH: Get your GED (dude!)
• Religious: enroll in a spiritually-pleasing religious school. (I can't decided if I should go with a "I felt the calling from above when I looked in my spam folder" joke or be shocked at the word choice of "spiritually-pleasing" for a religious school. Haven't there been enough Catholic Priest jokes to last us a lifetime?)
• Giant Eagle: (actually, some good deals I missed)
• A Stimulus Package to get out of Debt! (I never noticed how much the ads for getting out of debt and the ones to improve your libido look the same. They use the same words, fonts and American Images. 'It is your patriotic duty to eliminate debt AND satisfy your woman!')
• Publish your book (funny - they send an e-mail to tell you how to publish your book).
• Asian Dating (again. This one is prefaced with the statement "this is an advertisement". no shit).
• Bryant Online: How much financial aid do you qualify for (more than someone who doesn't know how to end a sentence is my guess).
• Effective Solutions for sleep apnea (reading this ad?)
• Nifty Nanny cams (talk about a very specific niche - "nope, sorry, these spy cams are only for Nannies. Babysitter cameras? You have to go somewhere else")
• Daily Horoscope and Zodiac (I think the daily horoscope is fairly available freely. As for the Zodiac, I don't think mine has changed since I was born)
• You may qualify for bankruptcy (doesn't sound too hard to do)
• Become a doctor of anything - want to put "Dr." in front of your name? (oh, how the mind races with this one! Yes, I would like to get my doctorate in Simpsonology.)

The Good Old Days!

I can not take credit for this one; this was sent to me but I had to share. The commentary is not mine, either (I wish it was).

Enjoy and reminisce about the good old days!

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Brace yourself -- the copy reads: Though she was a tiger lady, our hero didn't have to fire a shot to floor her. After one look at his Mr. Leggs slacks, she was ready to have him walk all over her. That noble styling sure soothes the savage heart! If you'd like your own doll-to-doll carpeting, hunt up a pair of these he-man Mr. Leggs slacks. Such as our new automatic wash wear blend of 65% "Dacron" and 35% rayon-incomparably wrinkle-resistant. About $12.95 at plush-carpeted stores. ...are you kidding me?!!.... This is just wrong on every level. More doctors did smoke Camels, because doctors were mailed all the free Camel cigarettes they wanted. Doctors who were smokers, given free Camels, would of course smoke them, over brands they would have to pay for. This allowed the tobacco company R. J. Reynolds to correctly state in their ads that more doctors smoked their brand. At this time in history, there was much doubt about the health safety of smoking cigarettes, so showing doctors "choosing" Camels to smoke, implied no health risk when smoking this brand. After all, these were medical doctors smoking all these Camels, not construction workers. Some excerpts from the ad above: It says- "this young man is 11 months old- and he isn't our youngest customer by any means. For 7-Up is so pure, so wholesome, you can even give it to babies and feel good about it. -By the way, Mom, when it comes to toddlers- if they like to be coaxed to drink their milk, try this: Add 7-Up to the milk in equal parts, pouring the 7-Up gently into the milk. It's a wholesome combination- and it works! Now we know the origins of ADHD...... Are you kidding me?! yeah...do just that....and see what happens next. these are just too outrageous!