I wish a contest existed whereby I could challenge anyone to produce a group of coworkers more clueless in the field of body language than the people I work with. I would win every time. Anyplace, anytime, every time.
I do not consider myself an expert in this field. I bought the book pictured to the left, halfway as a joke, halfway seriously. I know there are deficiencies I posses in this field, but it is nothing compared to some of the people I work with and must coexist with for a good 8 hours a day. My thin patience gets even thinner when I get hungry - I know this - but honestly these people can drive a sane man crazy. Let me share with you three examples that have occurred just this week:
I have Hawaii:
Tuesday morning I come into work for an 8am meeting. I have my laptop and notebook under my arm, head down, rushing to start the conference call for my boss, who is stuck in traffic. It is 7:58am. As I am walking quickly down the hall, I pass a coworker, B, who is talking to someone else (whom I don't know). I make eye contact with B, give a low wave and continue walking past him. I get about 3 steps beyond him, when he says "I have Hawaii. Jim, I have Hawaii."
I have no clue what he is talking about, so I turn, as I continue to walk and say "pardon?". He again says, "I have Hawaii"; I can't squeeze out a "pardon" this time, but I figure I have to stop, as this must obviously be important. "I have Hawaii. Two of them. Do you want one?" I tell him I don't know what he is talking about, leaving out use of the f-word (it was tough to suppress), when he finally says "I have the Hawaii quarter", as in the last of the regrettable state designs (see earlier rants for my opinions on this one). By now it is almost 8am, and I need to start a conference call between four groups of attorneys and Canadians; I don't have time to start talking about quarters.
Previously, B and I have talked about the state quarters, and his offering of it to me was a very nice gesture. But people at work generally recognize that people generally have meetings starting on the hour, and when people are walking quickly, with laptops and files, they are probably heading to one. And as it was 8am, and everyone at work knows Jimbo don't show up at 8am except for events that are (a) fun or (b) important (I have trained everyone at work very well). I could have let this one go, except that B came by my desk later that day and asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him, or if I was going to be a jerk again. I chose option (b).
The leaderless:
Wednesday morning I had another conference call with the attorneys. This time there were only three groups of them, plus one Canadian, but he worked for us, so he was alright. The call starts at 10am, and goes on till 1pm (yes, painful. I would rather have watched "High School Musical #3"). During this time, I get phone calls, eMails and visits from L - the one who will not leave me alone.
L and I are working on a project together; he is a good guy, but he needs direction. Lots of it. During the call, I am away from my computer, focusing on a contract (have I mentioned that I am glad I decided not to be a lawyer?). During the call, L calls. Twice. He comes by my desk. Twice. The second time, he waves through the window to get my attention. I look up, acknowledge his presence, give the short, stop-hand wave, and then turn my attention back to the document in front of me. I hoped that would be the end of it. It wasn't.
L then knocks. I ignore him. He knocks again. I look up, shake my head "no" and turn my attention back to the phone and lawyer group #2 who is arguing with the Canadian. He then opens the door saying, "hey, did you see my eMail?". Before I can say "no", he says it is about a meeting he had scheduled this afternoon at 3pm for the two of us and can I make it? If my schedule is free, I tell him, I can make it. It was. He left.
Now, that would be the fun end of the story, except it gets better. At about 1:02pm, the call is over, I turn to my desk to make sure I don't have anything for a little bit, so I can get some lunch. L comes by again, doesn't knock, but comes in and says "hey, you hadn't responded to my calls or eMail, and I wanted to make sure you could come to the meeting?" I am thinking to myself, you mean the meeting that you already interrupted me about an hour or so ago, but before I could say anything, he said "you hadn't accepted the invitation and I wanted to make sure you could make it." Sorry L, I tell him, but I have been on a call all morning. "Yeah, it looked like you were busy".
So why the f-ing hell did you keep disturbing me?
The really sad part is the "meeting" between us was a rehash of what happened the day before. We want to start calling some potential customers, but we can't do it till we have our review with technical service. That is scheduled for Monday. So until then we are on hold with calls. But can't we do something now, L asks? Not that I know of. If there is some new idea we can come up with that we didn't come up with yesterday afternoon, please let me know, but we beat this to a pulp not 24 hours ago, and nothing has changed. F-ing waste of time.
The annoyance:
K holds a special place in my heart for cluelessness. He uses my office fridge for his beverages, and I think he feels compelled to make conversation with me every time he comes in to retrieve one. He is a nice guy, and the conversations can be funny. But there are times when he can come in and go without having to drag me into a conversation. Say, when I am working. To K, someone looking and typing on the computer, who does not acknowledge their presence, is an open invitation to chat. In situations like this, most people would wait for a pause or an acknowledgement before speaking, and typically they would start with a hello. Not K. He dives in - paying attention or not, typing or not, no matter what. Or not.
So Wednesday, right after the 3 hour call and visit from L, but before my meeting with L, I run down to get some lunch. I get a cold, prepackaged sandwich one step above gas station quality and go back to my desk to figure out what in the heck L really wants to meet about. My door is 90% closed and I am eating - these are generally accepted signs that you should only be disturbed for very important reasons. This does not stop K.
He opens up the door, with a box in hand and starts talking. I have a sandwich in one of mine and I am typing with the other. He starts opening the box and talking about a meeting we had with a distributor a few years ago. I do not acknowledge his presence, nor do I say hi. I continue to type. This proves to be an ineffective technique in dealing with him.
He starts retelling the story of "Shovel-man", an alternate superhero identity I created when we were out to dinner with this distributor (it is a long story - lets just there was a lot of wine and I was on a roll). The distributor was entertained and decided to send me a present for the holidays - a t-shirt and cape with a Shovel-man logo.
It was an extremely nice and funny gift; that is not at question. I question the timing. My door is basically closed and I am trying to eat. My enthusiasm level may not be where it needs to be at this point. I am not a parent, and K is not my kid; I can't fake it for him. I make polite comments and jokes about that night, never turning my body from facing the computer and the work I was trying to do. K takes the t-shirt and proceeds to put it in front of the shirt I am wearing. He then takes the cape and ties it around my neck, while I am eating and typing. He then wants to get a photo.
Call me stupid, but when someone does not acknowledge your presence, continues to eat and work when you come in, uninvited, I think that is a fairly clear sign that you do not want someone to put a t-shirt and cape on you with the "Shovel-man" logo and get your picture taken. Call me old fashioned, but that is the way I was raised.
In conclusion, this is only a (male) subset of the people I work with. This is not the case with all of them, either. Most are extremely nice and very perceptive; the people I wrote about are all-stars in the world of annoyance. This has nothing to do with being Minnesotans, either. Unlike their problems with basic manners, cluelessness with body language is not a results of their lupine-based rearing system.
No, the clueleness comes as a result of the company who employees them (and me). And no, these three people mentioned are not scientists or engineers; those people are quite fun! These come from people on the business side. Doesn't figure. I have to deal with them, as they slowly suck away my will to live. I think I need to get rid of my fridge, lock the door and build a moat outside my office to get some privacy.
Sounds like a job for Shovel-man!
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