The Mailbox Rebellion

I was picking up my mail at work the other day and I knocked off my name tag for my slot. 

Where I work, we have designated mail stops.  Each designated mail stop has a designated mail slot for each person in the designated areas.  Each slot has a designated magnetic name tag for each designated person at each designated mail stop.  Each designated magnetic name tag is on the right side of each designated mail slot, for each designated mail stop.

My mail stop is 235-02W-70.  It used to be 235-2W-70, but it got changed to 235-02W-70 for some reason we are not certain.  This mail stop means something - or rather - I know that parts of it mean something.  I work in building 235 (the first set of numbers).  My desk is on the second floor, on the west side (the second group of numbers).  I have no idea what the 70 stands for, and I am scared to ask, as I am sure there is some reason, most likely related to some geographic map coordinates that only a skilled cartographer could discern.

The company I work for claims innovation as its birthright, but apparently this does not apply to building names.  I used to work at Nike, and the buildings were named after famous athletes who had signed up with the company: Michael Jordan, Mia Hamm, Nolan Ryan, etc.  Each building would have a theme for its conference rooms.  The building I worked in had all its conference rooms named after famous mountains - Everest, Denali, Kilimanjaro, etc.  Unlike Nike, the conference rooms are also similarly bland, named after a convention based on geography and an alpha-numeric system.  My closest conference room is 235-2W-B220, which means, building 235, 2nd floor west side, corridor B, room 220.  The letter coordinates run from West to East (in this building); the number of rooms runs from low to high in a North to South direction.  I am not making this up.

So last Friday as I was leaving work, I knocked off my designated name tag while I was retrieving my copy of the "Poultry Times", the bi-weekly publication I got a free subscription to when I was attending the International Poultry Convention and Expo back in '06.  Instinctively, I started putting the name tag back on the right side, but then I stopped. 

Why - why does it need to be on the right side?  Every name tag lined up so nice and neatly on the right side of each slot.  Would it matter if mine was on the left side?  Would this disrupt the mail service?  Would I cause some great calamity by moving it, or would I be branded as some sort of free thinking radical by having a left-sided name tag?  The jack-@ss in me had to find out.  I became a left sider.  

I figured one of three things would happen:

1. The man would try to slap me down and someone would move my name tag back to the right side.

2. Others would join my rebellious cause and start to move their name tags to the left side - or to the center - or flip them upside down.  Freedom of expression would come to the mail room and others would join my quest!

3.  Nobody would care.

The experiment was on:

Day 1:  I come into work late again Monday morning, walking past my designated mail stop on the way in.  I momentarily forgot about my Friday rebellion, and I almost moved my mis-placed name tag when I saw it not fitting in with the team. But I reminded myself - I'm a rebel now.  I play by my own rules!  The name tag stayed on the left side.

Day 2:  I come in today very cocksure of myself, expecting the man to have moved my name tag back to the right side.  But I was wrong.  No change.  It sat on the left side unchanged.  No one had taken up my cause either.  Be patient - rebellions take time.  Someone will notice my act of defiance and join me.

Day 3:  My tag had not been changed by the man, and still no one had taken up my cause.  I also noticed that I didn't have any mail.   Neither did anyone else, really.  Outside of the Poultry Times and paychecks (which are only once a month), I don't think I get any mail of any significance.  I don't think anyone else does, either.  I am starting to think this may have been a bad setting for a revolution.

Day 4:  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  I twist my magnetic tag, so that part of it is hanging off the slot.  Certainly something like will draw attention to my cause and cause others to wake up to my revolution.  Sadly, this is not the spark I was hoping for.  Someone straightened our my tag for me (this is Minnesota and folks are very nice) but left it on the right side.  Also, the mail carrier brought my copy of this months "Welding Journal".

Day 5:  Last chance for revolt.  It is end of the month - Paycheck day.  This is the one time a month where everyone stops by their mail slot; this has got to be the day the revolution would take hold!  Or so I thought.  Small fun fact I learned - out of all the people in my division, I am the only person who still gets an actual pay check; everyone else is on direct deposit so all they get is a statement.  

The revolution's first week was over, and our best chance for upheaval has failed.  I am now faced with the difficult choice - conformity to the masses, or continue my valiant, but unpopular struggle.  As I was about to leave for the week, I stared at the wall of mail slots, all right sided (sans mine).  I stared at the wall of slots, and noticed how aesthetically unpleasing mine was, compared to the others.  I thought back to the great revolutions of the past century.  They were brutal, ugly, painful events which required sacrifice.  Was I up to the challenge?  Or would I collapse to the powers of conformity.

I straightened up my back, reached in my slot, grabbed my paycheck and my flyer for the upcoming mold and asbestos conference.  I left my tag on the left side.

Power to people. 

...and the Oscar should go to...

So Friday, I having lunch with my friend SeaBass and the discussion goes to the Academy Awards.  I still can't get used to them being so soon.  I don't mind that they are done closer to the year the movies were released; I just don't like the fact they now take place in Winter, which has inadvertent effects on the fashion choices.

No, my real complaint with the Academy Awards is they are totally corrupt.  I draw this conclusion from three different events:

1.  Jack Lemmon being denied a nomination for "Glenngary Glen Ross".  One of the greatest acting performances in the past 20 years, and he does not even get nominated.  

2.  James Cameron  winning Best Director for "Titanic".  In my opinion, the movie was good; not great.  It was very good especially versus its competition that year, but it breaks a trend the Academy had held to for years - Best Pictures did not go to popular movies.  This was the excuse given why Steven Spielberg never won best director, until he did something completely different, namely "Schindler's List".

3.  Bob Marshall not winning Best Director for "Chicago".  The movie won six oscars, including best picture, best editing.  Roman Polanski won for Directing "The Pianist" who of course could not accept, as he is, ahem, wanted by the US Government.  Chicago didn't win best director, although best pictures don't direct themselves.

There are countless other snubbings that occur every year, too.  Paul Newman being one of the most famous snubbies, having been nominated by not winning Best Actor for six movies, including "The Hustler", "Cool Hand Luke", "The Verdict", and "Absence of Malice" before winning it for "The Color of Money".  It was a makeup Oscar for a fairly regrettable movie, saved by a great bit appearance by a young Forrest Whitaker.  It was a make up Oscar for Newman, whose career certainly merited several Best Actor wins.  

Then there are the regrettably crowd pleasing awards (Marisa Tomei, "My Cousin Vinny", your table is ready!).  She won for the same reason there are other bizarre picks:  Money and Good Feelings.  Hollywood wants people to leave movies feeling happy so they will come back again and again.  Downer movies rarely get picked unless (a) the movie is so overwhelmingly good it can't be ignored (see Steven Speilberg, "Schindler's List") or the fact that the actor has not won has become an embarrassment, and/or the Academy is afraid he or she will pass away before they get to be in a really good movie again (see Morgan Freeman, "Million Dollar Baby").   

So SeaBass and I decided in order to have meaningful Oscars, there is only one thing to do:  Add more awards.  By adding some token, light hearted fun awards, Hollywood can tout movies to the public that will be crowd pleasing, AND award winning, which will help bring in the crowds and money they need.  That way the real Oscars can focus on the truly best, no matter if it is a downer movie.  

So without further delay, our new made up awards and winners for 2007:

Best Cameo Appearance:

Often times actors and actresses get nominated because their role was funny, memorable and short.  Their part is not big enough to justify a supporting role, but without them, the movie would have been significantly less fun.  For 2008, our pick was Sacha Baron Cohen for "Sweeney Todd".  His part added much needed comic relief to that 2-hour song and dance blood fest.

Best Make Up Award:

Given to that actor or actress who we don't think is going to live long enough to do another meaningful movie and we want to make sure they get some attention, and by attention we don't mean appearing in the segment of the show where the show all the people who have died in the last year.  Last year's winner would have been Peter O'Toole .  This year, the winner is Ruby Dee in "American Gangster", barely nudging Hal Holbrook for "Into the Wild"

George Clooney Award:

SeaBass had a theory to explain why George Clooney inexplicably always gets nominated: "The Academy loves George Clooney".  After watching "Michael Clayton", this seems to be about the only theory that makes sense.  He is a fine actor and a good looking man (a d@mn fine looking man!), but this movie was a poor man's version of a John Grishan novel with the part of the young idealistic lawyer played by Mr. Clooney.  Our pick for the 2007 George Clooney award is, not surprisingly George Clooney.

Feel Good Movie Winner:

Given to that movie which had a very modest goal and ambition, which delivered with a feel good movie we could all enjoy.  Past winners would have included "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and "Bend it like Beckham".  For 2007, it was a tough field, which included films like "Waitress" but the winner is "Juno". 

The "We won't ever award you anything because you won't shut up" Award:

2007 had a clear winner - and it is the same one almost every year - Michael Moore for "Sicko".  You will never win again because the Academy Awards is not your personal soap box. 

Best Acting by a Minor:

In my opinion, kids should never be nominated for best actor for two reasons.  First, I think the standards for a kid getting a nomination are much lower than an adult.  I am sorry, as cute as Abigail Breslin is, she is not in the same league as Cate Blanchett, but they were both up for the same award last year.  The other reason is I think nominating kids fuels parents pushing kids into acting.  They all want their kid to be the next Tatum O'Neal getting nominated at age 8, and competing against the adults.  Instead, create an award for anyone under 18.  My choice for 2007 is Miley Cyrus/Hanna Montana.

The "That was him/her?" Award:

Going to the actor or actress who has only appeared in a few films, but the roles were so incredibly different, we had to give them an award for showing their range and acting ability.  Past winners would have included Jackie Early Haley, who played bad-@ss Kelly Leak in the original "Bad News Bears" but after a long departure from film, came roaring back in "Little Children".  This years winner would be Paul Dano, for his role as Eli/Paul Sunday in "There Will Be Blood".  Dano, you may remember played the silent brother Dwayne in "Little Miss Sunshine."  

My hope is this year will have some good winners, but overall it was a disappointing year for me in the theaters.  I hope "No Country for Old Men" will win best picture, but it isn't the crowd pleasing fun movie that makes you feel good.  Without token awards to get the public out and feeling good, I am afraid the Academy will give best picture to something a little softer and fluffier.  

Yep, "Enchanted" #1 in the box office next week.

Honoring William Henry Harrison

In Honor of Presidents Day, I wanted to write about one of our lesser known Commander in Chiefs, William Henry Harrison, our 9th President.  His presidency is remarkable for apparently only one reason.  He delivered the longest inauguration address ever.  On a very cold and wet March 4, 1831, Harrison delivered a two hour, 8,444 word address to the cold and damp crowd. After his oratory exploits, he rode through the streets of DC, caught a cold, which later turned into a fatal case of pneumonia.  He died April 4, 1831, 31 days after taking office. 

I am not here to ridicule Harrison.  His life was full of achievements and his biography is an interesting read on wikipedia.  I wish to mock the concept of group holidays, specifically Presidents Day.  When I was a kid (here we go with the Grandpa Simpson routine), we had two days - Washington's Birthday and Lincon's Birthday.  Somewhere, somehow we got ripped off and they came up with the one day creation of Presidents Day.  

Contrary to popular theories, Presidents Day was not caused by the creation of Martin Luther King day.  Instead, the thought was to have one holiday that would fall on a Monday, rather than mid-week.  It was designed to honor all our past Presidents, no matter who or when they served.  Apparently, some states like Massachusetts wanted to honor all their sons who have been president, while some Southern States might not like the idea of a holiday honoring Lincoln (not NC - Feb 12th was a holiday where I grew up!)

My complaint - and I have two - is this.  One, we lost a holiday and a day off from work.  This really doesn't make that big a difference to me now; President's Day is not a holiday at my company.  Losing one day off or two really doesn't change too much for me.  

My second gripe is this:  The establishment or changing one should not be taken lightly.  Holidays are very few for a reason; they honor events and people which have a positive impact on our society.  Holidays are part of the collective culture of a society; they are a reflection of our common beliefs and heritage, not to be tampered with lightly.  Usually the events or people they honor have withstood years of scrutiny, after society has distanced themselves from the event.  Thanksgiving was not made a holiday until 1789, over 140 years after its first celebration.  Labor Day did not become a Federal Holiday until 1894.  MLK died in 1968, but it was not observed until 1986.  MLK day passed, despite much opposition from Republicans who questioned whether King was important enough to qualify for a holiday.  Some of this may have been racially motivated, but some wondered if we were still too close to the events surrounding MLKs life to properly judge his impact on society.  It takes time for humans to process, and generations to evaluate the impact of any one person.  Deciding who is deserving of a holiday takes time.

And for anyone who doubts my rambling, remember on President's Day 2009, you will be honoring George W Bush.

For those who wish to read more about our 9th President:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Henry_Harrison

The way to go

Over the weekend, my uncle Chris passed away; the funeral was yesterday. During the eulogy, the Priest said something that stuck with me. Chris knew how to live, but when his time came, he knew how to go.

To understand this comment, you have to know my uncle. He was an extrovert's extrovert. He knew everybody and I mean everybody. There was not a town you could go to that he didn't know somebody. Everybody was a friend and everyone he met wanted to be his friend. It was not reserved to people in power and influence. He knew and liked everybody no matter what their station in life or what they could or could not do for him.

His oldest son told the story of when he was at their vacation home in California and had to get my uncle's car repaired. The normal garage he took the car was closed, along with the next closest one after that. He drives for about 10 miles till he finds another garage. There is a mechanic working under the hood of a car, he looks up, sees the car, walks over to the driver's window, stares at my cousin for a moment and says "you must be Chris' son." 10 miles out of town, in a town they don't live in, and the mechanic deduces who he is from the car of someone he knew.

You were not friends with him because your parents were friends with him. He made friends with you, regardless of your age. When I was 12 years old, he took me to his golf club. I had never swung a club before, but he took me out, gave me lessons and introduced me to everyone like I was his best friend. I was a 12 year old kid, but he made me feel like I was his best friend in the world. He had that gift to make you feel special.

Last August, he was diagnosed with lung cancer; the doctors said he had between 1-12 weeks to live. To those who knew him, it looked like his health had been going downhill, but because of some difficulties his wife was having, I think we all missed the fact that he was going downhill. He fought on and lived for almost 6 more months.

As remarkable as his life was, it was the end of it which gave us so much pause for reflection. During his final months, he never got sad, he never complained, and he never bemoaned his fate. He kept going on, making friends with strangers, and loving every moment of being around people. He received countless visitors during these months, who all had the chance to say goodbye. On Saturday, he was surrounded by his four sons, their wives, and most of his grand-kids. When he passed away, he did so gently, surrounded by the people he loved. The funeral seemed more like a party; family and friends were having a good time telling stories about a man who touched so many people, and up to the very end, he never met a person he didn't want to befriend.

That is the way to go.

My Raucous Caucus Evening

Tonight, Minnesota held its caucus for the 2008 presidential election. For those of you in the uncivilized parts of the world who do not know the difference between a primary and a caucus, let me explain. A primary is like an election - you go in and vote. A caucus is a group of people in an elementary school or other public building who discuss, debate and ultimately hold a vote on who will represent their ward and precinct.

I grew up in a primary state, so I was unfamiliar with the caucus format, until my friend Liz explained it to me; she also let me know that anyone can participate in a caucus. For some reason I thought it was reserved to party leaders and organizers, who meet in smokey back-rooms. But since it was open to everybody, and with my patriotic leanings, I decided to be a part of the event tonight.

First question though was which party to support? Minnesota does not require you to register with either party, so I could attend either. My heart has always been in the Democratic camp (though my brain does not know why). The question really came down to impact - where would my vote matter most.

One little known fact about my voting history I will share is this: I have never, ever, voted for a Presidential winner yet. Ever. Every vote has been for the loser. The closest I have ever gotten to voting for the winner was back in '04 when I voted for Kerry. He won Minnesota, which marks the first time I had ever voted for a candidate who won my state. I took that as a small victory, but voting Democrat in Minnesota has been almost a sure thing for 80 years. Since 1932, a Democratic candidate has always won here, except once. 1972 Nixon won Minnesota, along with every other state in the Union. Minnesota was the lone state voting for its favorite son Walter Mondale, who was crushed by Reagan.

Among the Democrats, my vote would probably go to Hillary. There are things about her I don't like (i.e. Bill), but I do defer to brains and ability. On the Republican side, I am very pro-McCain; integrity matters.

I was torn. Do I go to the Party I want to win, or knowing my voting history as a perfect anti-bellwether, do I go to the other party's caucus in the attempt to sabotage them? I am not sure who won - head or heart - but I ended up going to the Republican Caucus, mainly because I figured there would be fewer people and I could possibly end up as a delegate to the state.

I got to the Government Building and my perceptions of the smokey, back room, dealings between power-brokers caucus were wrong.

Very wrong.

It was like all the people who hang out during the day in a Government Building just moved from the waiting room to the caucus room. It smelled. Really bad. It was like an indoor bus terminal, but with no chance of anyone ever leaving. Surprisingly for Republican, it had a high FNW quotient (Freaks 'n Weirdos).

I got there early, and the room we were in was starting to fill up. There were people sitting at various tables reading bus schedules, a woman with thick glasses and pigtails running around frantically, and a guy with a ponytail and beard who appeared to be the one in charge. I had to double check my notes and make sure that, yes, I was at the Republican Party Caucus, not the Democratic one.

First thing I noticed was the incredible lack of any organization. I would soon learn why. I eventually figured out where I was supposed to go. This facility was for Ward 7, Precincts 6-10. I am in Precinct 8, or W7 P8 as I would learn the lingo. At about 7pm a older gent named Bill came over to our table to start us up. There were about 100 people in the room, about 50 crowded around our table. We found out that this was the biggest turnout in years, and Bill apologized for the disorganization. In 2004, 6 people showed up for all four Precincts. That is 6 in total, mind you. As in, some precincts had 1 person. Did I mention that I live in a very Blue county in a very Blue state?

My precinct is very small - maybe a few square miles. I could walk from one side to the other in probibly 15 minutes. The purpose of the caucus is to represent the candidate who will best serve me and my neighbors. My neighbors. Humm. I didn't see one person here I knew. At the last presidential election, I saw a bunch of people I knew. In fact, I had to call one of them in another voting booth to help me with picks for the city council. Looking at my Precinct, the stereotypes about the Republican Party are still alive and well. Of the 50 people, 6 were woman and we had one minority. The rest were a bunch of white dudes. Interestingly, a lot of young people in my Precinct were here.

First order of business was the Pledge of Allegiance. I liked this. It has been a while since I have given it and it made me swell with pride. It reminded me of visiting the National Archives in DC and looking at the Declaration of Independence and getting misty eyed. This time I attributed the misty eyes to the smell, but still, it was a nice way to start up.

Bill spend a lot of time on the rules, and this being Minnesota, we all sat quietly and paid attention. First order of business was waiting for 15 minutes for latecomers before we could actually start. So we waited and learned about the other orders of business.

There were two votes going on actually - our votes for President and our votes for delegates to the state conference. Actually, we were not sending delegates, but sending people who would vote on our delegates. These people we elect tonight would not actually vote for the presidential candidate but would vote for those who would vote for Minnesota in the Republican National Convention in St Paul this summer. This seemed fairly straight forward once it was explained the first, second and third times, but apparently it just didn't register with folks. I double checked and yes, I was not at the Democratic Party Caucus.

Our chairperson and the secretary were both nominated, and then we got to the open nominations for delegates. A lot of the younger folks came forward to nominate themselves. Candidates had to introduce themselves, say where they live, tell about their background and explain why they were qualified to represent the neighborhood. Of the dozen or so young folks here, they all seemed to be attending St. Thomas Law school, which is only a few blocks away, and they all were supporting Ron Paul. Two things I will never understand is why first year law students have to be so verbose and two, why do they support Ron Paul? One of the more talkative law students who was named "Adolph" I think, spend a good 10 minutes on his resume and ended it with an impassioned plea to crush the Democrats. My heart is giving me the evil eye.

Once we get through the nominations of Delegates and we confirm (again) that they would only be voting on our state representatives at the National Convention and that no, they would not in fact be going to the National Convention, we got to the discussion of the candidates. One of the first to speak was a retired City Councilman, who was a Democrat, but chose to speak here in favor of Mitt Romney. He liked his policy of building a big wall to keep out the Mexicans and was impressed with his ability to run big companies, whose name he can't remember now. I like old people. I get along well with the older generations, but they really do need an off-switch or a mute button that can be operated remotely. Let them keep their dignity before they ramble off into oblivian.

Of the 6 women in attendance, two were active campaigners. One for Ron Paul (groan) and one for John McCain (woo hoo!). Unfortunately, the McCain supporter didn't have any real notes, but decided to wing it. Hadn't she been to a wedding and seen someone try to wing a toast and see the disastrous results? She should have known better. Other people spoke, though most were not very intersting. A guy who served in the Navy, and had two tours in Iraq, spoke well about the need for character and integrity, which is why he was voting for McCain. When he sat down I noticed he had a Rainbow Coalition pin on his Navy hat. I guess that technically counts as a minority in the Republican Party. Another young man spoke, who we found out grew up during the war in Bosnia, and got his citizenship last year felt that we needed a strong military president and one who will kick out illegal immigrants, which is why he feels that Ron Paul is the only choice. Next the young republicans from the Law School all take it in turn to pontificate on the reason Paul should be, nay, MUST be the vote of D7 P8. Ahh, my neighbors!

It soon became apparent that Ron Paul might actually win here. I was going in as a McCain supporter, and thought his only challange would be Romney, but it started seeming like it would be very close. I then remembered my old voting history, and I thought the curse may take effect. Again. Eventually, someone called for a motion to vote, which was seconded by half the Precinct.

The "ballots" were little slips of irregularly cut paper, which were passed out in mass to the room. There was no accounting for the number of ballets that went out, nor any verification that those in the room were even registered in this District or Precinct. It was very informal and made quite a few of the non-Paul supporters nervous. Stuffing the ballot box would have been easy, but this is Minnesota and we simply don't do that here.

While the votes were being counted, they opened the floor to resolutions. Another old guy set forth a motion asking for our support in rejection of the pro-abortion ruling by the Minnesota courts. Why do all the nut-jobs in the Abortion and Anti-Abortion movement make it so tough to understand what they are asking us to support (or reject). I am fairly certain that by voting against his resolution you were pro-choice. But by the few number of "Yeas" and "Nays" I think most everyone was confused. A few other resolutions came forward which were shot down. Someone proposed a more formal system in the future, which we all agreed to. I was about to step forward with a resolution that the Republican Party of Minnesota should be Pro-Norwegian and Anti-Swedish, but I remembered that politicos, especially young Republicans, have absolutely no sense of humor.

The final votes were tallied and recounted twice; the results for W7 P8 were:

Huckabee: 3 votes

Keys: 0

McCain: 18

Romney: 13

Paul: 16

McCain was our winner and everyone who was a non-Paul supporter breathed a sigh of relief. Adolph stood and emphasized the need to support our candiadate to the very end. He had infiltrated the Obama rally this past weekend and said there were over 20,000 supporters, lined up on our borders and we need to be prepared to take the breathing room we need to preserve our way of life.

We formally closed the meeting after another resolution, seconding and voting. On my way back to my car, I replayed the results - McCain 18; Paul 16.

My vote almost mattered.

God Bless the Democratic Process!

Bigger Upset

I can't decide which is the bigger upset:

Eli Manning over Tom Brady in Super Bowl XLII

or

Daniel-san over the Cobra Kai in the "Karate Kid"

I am going to have to go with Eli Manning.  Daniel-san's victory was impressive, but because he was able to (somehow) get Elisabeth Shue interested in him, nothing seems impossible for him.  

Eli's victory was much more unexpected.  

Congrats to the NY Giants!